Fuck

i had sex today

Why does xanax make you go live on instagram

All clothing is unisex if you stop being a little bitch about it

Orange juice and toothpaste is actually not that bad if you dont have a tongue to taste it with

Merry Christmas bitches

thanks for 100 followers. if anyone would like to suck my dick dm me

I look like this but no one believes me

popped a green hulk lets see what happens

fuck my life

Can somebody please stuff me for thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate. I took 4 xanax and ate my keyboard

is this real

Whoevere unfollowed me i hope you have a horrible thanksgiving. Asshole

iamgine driving on the highway and You hit a Deer at 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 miles per hour

They need to ban preworkout. I feel like I could go pick up a tree and carry it home im the fucking vegetable hulk

Idk what it is about Mongolian beef but it actually invades my insides like ancient vikings and pillages my stomach

Might just block a random person who interacts with this. It’s not your fault but someone has to be sacrificed

I keep all my shit in gold bars so the best I can do is a chipotle napkin spread

I would do fucking anything for some chips ahoy right now

Why did nobody tell me that sugarless gummy bears make your asshole fucking explode

Wife crashed the car. so fucking pissed cant find the angry face emoji 🏀🏀🏀🏀

Sunblock is false advertisement. Name it anti skin cancer instead

I kinda wanna try this

I don’t even care anymore

I really don’t care what companies do to me if I can get a coupon for chicken

George Washington’s social security number was probably like 1

one day we're gonna have to repent for all of our sins, but until then im beating the fuck out of it to r/KamalaHarrisHyenaPorn

If I was oj simpson I would’ve simply not killed my wife and waiter

I could FUCK up a bowl of like Skittles

maybe people wouldn't try to eat tide pods if they didn't look so fucking delicious

Might try anal

Tomorrows Leading headline: Paul McCartney dead at 82

i need a pawjob so fucking bad

can my roommate fucking stop with this shit

I wanna play spin the bottle but with fruit and eat whatever fruit it lands on

Hot dog eating contest gotta be the gayest thing ive ever seen. How do you sign up

Desperation calls for an empty paper towel roll at like 2:30 am on a tuesday

Nothing like a pre fogle sandwich from subway, before they started putting horse tranquilizers in the food

i need a pawjob

Shooting you in the thyroid so you instantly become fat

Peeing outside is the closest you can get to nature without ending it all

if i put you into a meat grinder, and the only thing to come out is your eyeball.. You're probably dead

Sealing myself in a rock tumbler for 30 days to see what happens

god i wanna be railed

I think it would be very funny if all pedophiles and "MAPs" and "NOMAPs" all died simultaneously in agony

for personal reasons i have decided to pass away