Never fucking buy a Samsung TV. Do you want your TV to always launch into Samsung TV Plus (which you can’t uninstall) every time it restarts (which is often) which in turn automatically starts playing Fox News every time it launches? No? Then never buy a Samsung TV.

Thinking about how they gave Mrs. Boggy bouncy tits in Banjo-Tooie but not Humba Wumba.

What’s the name of this keyboard layout

In The Simpsons Movie 2 Bart finally becomes pregnant after years of trying.

MrBeast defends trapping man in burning building for $500,000

Sorry I’m being such a bitch today. The little girl has a cold and doesn’t want to eat carrots anymore.

Also I don’t know who ishowspeed is but I’ve been seeing his name a lot recently so fuck him too.

God fuck McDonald’s

Saw a recent photo of Edmund McMillen and I’m now feeling very motivated to shave my disgusting beard.

Cat owners please provide your input on this statement: Cats like to be thrown.

I don’t understand “subathons” on Twitch. Are you holding your viewers hostage for more subscribers(money)?

Why is this

You know, it’s kinda weird how whenever somebody is “torched”, “slammed”, or “eviscerated” online nothing actually seems to happen to them and they just keep doing what they’re doing.

look @ this

I’m going to be blunt. Everybody who doesn’t like Arby’s is wrong.

I still don’t know what the current Xbox is called.

Add a “Streamer Mode” option to your game but instead of replacing copywrited music it just randomly plays quiet fart sounds every half hour or so.

I think I may be missing some whimsy in my life. As I’m eating in my car some guy flew by me a few feet above the ground in a powered paraglider and my immediate thought was “Fucking asshole.”

Holy shit. This happened to me after messing with GameShark and a legitimate copy of the game back in the day. I just assumed my save file got corrupt but somehow I triggered the anti-piracy. It continued happening even if I played without the GameShark. bsky.app/profile/mari...

Stop being fucking cowards.

I don’t like Jimmy Kimmel. I don’t think he’s funny. But regardless of that, what the government and ABC are doing to him is absolute bullshit. He didn’t say anything wrong. I fucking hate that I feel the need to comment on this. I don’t want to. I just want to make fart jokes about Mario.

I’ve decided I will buy Skyrim again today. Maybe I’ll buy it again tomorrow as well. The day after tomorrow might also feel like a “Buy Skyrim” kind of day.

Apple has sprayed liquid ass all over my phone and I hate it.

Randy Bitchford

Alfalfa from The Little Rascals hates my wife.

Remember when they did a Chip & Dale movie and the only thing that people remember about is it that Gadget was fucking the fly? What the fuck were they thinking?

There’s a decent chance of the Virtual Boy Switch accessory thing selling more than the actual Virtual Boy did 30 years ago.

They call it the Switch 2 because

Imagine giving money to Randy Pitchford in the year two thousand and twenty five.

I need a taco truck to come by blaring Mexican music like they’re the ice cream man. I’m hungry.

Good, I’m glad. Inhuman piece of shit.

Peak graphics was somewhere between GameCube and Xbox 360. Anything more is just superfluous.

Your NES emulator is HIGHLY inaccurate and only passes 95 of the rigorous 125 tests that my asshole bla bla bla Does Mario step on the turtles and eat the mushroom? Yes? Good enough for me.

A Pokémon rom hack where every trainer battle ends with a one-on-one trainer vs trainer fight in the style of Punch-Out. Gym leader battles are extra tricky.

“I ditched Spotify and set up my own music stack” Bitch you downloaded a bunch of mp3s. I did that when I was 12. Nobody’s impressed.

Silksong didn’t break Steam. I just got tired of how annoying you’re all being so I walked into the Valve server room and flicked the power switch. Shut up.

Every few months I remember that the Super Mario Maker Bowser sprite for the Super Mario World style not only looks nothing like Super Mario World Bowser but also nothing like Super Mario World’s art style and I shit myself with anger.

I don’t want to invest in my 401k. I want to invest in eating Taco Bell.

I want Valve to add vertical 9:21 (not 21:9) aspect ratio resolutions to Counter-Strike 2 just to see how far competitive players will go with their “It makes the heads bigger!!!” bullshit.

Why are you bald

I want a wall decal of Mario breaking into my home to fucking kill me.

What if Mario… was scary? An idea that has fucked up a generation.

How the FUCK are you people keeping the speaker and charging holes on your phone from clogging up with pocket lint? I feel like some kind of lint generating mutant freak with how bad this gets. Is there some secret weekly phone washing ritual everybody else does that I’m not aware of?

What if we’re all wiping our asses wrong and we just don’t know?

Social media post: This guy cut in front of me at the DMV even though they called my number :( [Photo of the guy from behind below the neck in a way you can tell they were afraid of getting caught photographing] How about you do somethig about it instead of just posting on Reddit you fucking pussy

My cat is watching Ms. Rachel. He is going to end up talking before my daughter does.

I shouldn’t have to be stuck with either Duckstation, Retroarch, or something really old if I want to emulate PS1 games at a higher resolution. This is bullshit.

Would you date Kazooie if Banjo was always there as well because she rarely leaves his backpack?

God, Banjo-Tooie fucking SUCKS.