Going running but only cos I’m fat and I want a drink and a gasbag with the gays after. Not cos I am loving the idea of reaching any level of MPH in this heat EVEN tho the storm clouds and light sprinkle have really taken the edge off

too warm to think? put 30 to 40 ice cubes in your ass. It's simple and convenient and you will not regret putting 30 to 40 ice cubes in your ass

WHY DON’T I OWN SANDALS????

You wouldn’t believe the smell of this flower even if I knew more adverbs and adjectives than ‘real fucken nice’

‘The magic garden’ sounds like such a nice venue for the hottest day of the century but no we are up in the upstairs rooms that were made to grill sausages, and these cunts are outside in the breeze 🥵

Sir, this trap is for cats with balls, your balls are already gonzo, please vacate

Why am I old lady catnip?

Sunset is so wishy-washy this far from the equator. I like a nice firm sunset you can set your watch to. None of this all night twilight bullshit.

RIGHT I am having a sit down for five minutes and then I am going to extract some honey

happened to be loooking out the window at the right moment to see a new kitten on show. So out goes the trap again.

Irises innit

I just think if you’re going to yell at me from a car you need to project from the diaphragm and enunciate clearly. I have no idea if it was complimentary or not so I just assume he thought I was hot. Slag.

West Bridgford has terrible 5G there I said it

i am both learning and developing with this L&D elearning development animation

ONE DAY i will definitely use the wrong chat window but not today

god it must be nearly gin o'clock yeah?

Bloop all done

Bold of you to assume I only had sewing machines for woven fabric

government's collapsing? must be tuesday

attending an L&D conference while government ministers are resigning and also i'm sewing up my new knitted top but luckily i attended a session on 'conference crafting' where i set the goal of 'paying attention' so i'm sure that will happen at some point.

Could a depressed person make this dot jay peg

One thing about being cuckoo for textile machinery is you sometimes have to use it to justify its continued ownership to other parties. Knitting a merino silk top in a denim blue for funsies.

Cycled to parkrun. Chain came off halfway. Turned up to parkrun just in time but not in time enough to take off my long sleeve top also hands filthy with oil. Did parkrun. Cycled home. My watch STILL insists I am yet to close the red ring, the cunt. Now off to gay watch the cricket at Trent Bridge.

Taking them for a drive. Hopefully without them joining me in the front seat.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ I’m a hater ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ not a fighter . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

So I took a day and a half leave cos I was feeling a bit on edge this week and then as I was making a cuppa, mark goes ‘bees are swarming’. So instead of a relaxing afternoon I have been up a tree next door collecting the swarm and then also they were absolutely rammed with honey

my brain can have a little caffeine, as a threat

yes Teams my mic IS muted but that's because i'm chewing, not because i have something useful to contribute to the meeting

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Ruddington is twee

I wonder what today is

Getting ready for my BBQ, got my wool socks and cardigan on because of course it’s cold and drizzly

Thank god that rain is here mark has been threatening to make me shower over a bucket

I can barely believe my tv license goes towards making this filth. It’s been wall to wall nipples and schlong for two episodes and there’s still one more to go!

very excited to hang my washing out in a bit, it's gonna dry so fast

jesus christ the chief people officer just mentioned me by name in the all HR meeting call while i was staring off into space and let me tell you it was like Scorpion from Street Fighter going GET OVER HERE. It turns out it was good AND non-work related but jfc

after months of hiding inside half dead while the sun was gone, i have something on EVERY weekend in May I will never survive the rollercoaster seasons this far away from the equator

updating my cv, is 'slopmaxxing' the right spelling?

Cowboy boots why have you forsaken me

mood

I love instagram’s ‘your friends are not looking respectfully’ feature

Pricked myself up to four times doing this which isn’t bad as needle work goes.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t have a bottle of red on a thursday they’re just jealous you’ve got friday off

Love too be a pedestrian

̶d̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶ ̶d̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶l̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶t̶c̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶T̶V̶ ̶a̶l̶o̶n̶e̶

ΕΙΜΑΣΤΕ ΟΛΟΙ ΕΛΕΝΗ ΜΠΙΝΤΟΥ

of COURSE mark comes home just as i start making my surreptitious second lunch

Dumb bitch haircut o’clock

Mark put on a random YouTube and it’s longhound long jump and I have never been more invested in something ever.

There simply isn’t enough room in my garden for all the trees I want to steal and plant 😡 i just had to dig out a sad laburnum to plant a purloined hazel. I need to buy acreage. Or hectarage. If you’re being metric.