the dentist took 2 xrays, said i was fine, charged me £90, waggled my aerial and wolfed my gypsy creams, but that's the comprehensive system for you.

Treated myself to a Hornsea cup and saucer from a vintage shop in Harrogate, and also got gooped and gagged by a vintage tapestry pattern book which clocked me tina boots the house down mama

Do you know why they call it Cumbria

We just don't know.

egregious

Congrats to those what done the Nottingham half of a whole marathon, you wouldn’t catch me doing that! I am sampling half a bottle of quite a pleasant rioja

Singing for the assorted nanas of Arnold

should i do a poll? do you think it'd help

say your prayers, you heathen baboons

Glamoré

*à la miriam margoyles getting into cold water* fackin ’ell

jesus what a decade

keen for this tbh

Taking a break from the spinning wheel to deliver some honey to the gays at running club.

“Why don’t you want to move back to New Zealand? It looks like a beautiful country to live in!”

Stupid cat!

🥰 kurwa jebana 🥰

Had much too much caffeine today so after dithering all day between jobs, now it’s gone dark I’ve done the hoovering, flipped the mattresses, and repressurised and bled the radiators. Might go for a run.

The tinnitus in my right ear started off at C, then down to A♭, then A.

ok google SAD lamp buy now buy SAD lamp deliver SAD lamp cheap UK bright burn my retinas lamp

Stung right in the left tit while innocently standing by the hives. What cruel games god plays with our tits.

oh of COURSE the car is dying. Private vehicles are MILLSTONES around the neck of HUMANITY. WHY can't we just have a modicum of joined up cheap/free public transport and/or maybe my knee could just not click so much when I'm cycling? Or else we could just bulldoze Nottingham flat? So many options.

You know what they say about gays: “they love playing football“

Looking and feeling like buttered lard today but I did it and the joint pain has given way to ligament pain, which is nice

I've lost my good sewing needle. It's incredibly sharp and I have NO idea where it's gone. I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Obligatory haircut photo. We had 🌟✨weather✨🌟 in between the cut and the getting home but you get the gist unless you’re being intentionally oblique.

Dog barber

Oh no I’ve sat down

Death.

My ankles are gristle and dust so I cycled to football practice to watch the young succulent players who can still run go through the paces while I withered on the sidelines.

Working hard or horkly warding?

Doing middling at the pub quiz. Very odd questions.

Nice day for it. It being standing in a bucket of water stamping on some newly woven cloth cos I don’t have access to a gang of Gaelic women and a wet soapy table to waulk it on.

Mumsie, WHAT are those emoji?

Greenhouse cryptid sighted ✅

Well if you insist, railway signage.

Getting tiddly on the coach to Kidderminster for a day on the Severn valley railway singing songs for some unholy reason

Oh my god I was on the BBC (local) news with running club and I look like fucking Violet fucking Beauregard had a big lunch and then got stung by ten bees

oh for crying out loud I'M BUSY LEARN TO COOK FOR YOURSELVES, BEES 🐝🐝

This 3rd double espresso will fix me

oh good, some unidentifiable animals outside are screaming at each other.

An ex-MMA fighter came over to our pub quiz table to show us his recently amputated finger (and metatarsal by the looks of it) hand and tell us how much he loved gays even tho he definitely wasn’t and I was like methinks the lady has accumulated concussions

Soz, the plums that were sun-warmed and succulent on the tree that i et a kilo of not long ago were probably related to the fart that i gambled and lost on on your white leather sofa just now

UGH the uk is too hot I wish I was back in Spain where it’s also too hotter + some more but I had aircon in the hotel

Proper Spanish holiday. Lying in the AC in my pants with a beer. End of.

@jonhazan.net did you know?

Finally discovered how to turn the tv audio to English and now we can watch some awful AWFUL sci fi movie while we lie in the air con because it was 36°C today and I am but a delicate flower

Yes Silence by Delerium is exactly the type of song I want to hear at ear splitting volume when I’m having my pintxos and txakoli at 1445 ¡muchas gracias a todos!