The true worst Paul McCartney Christmas song is singing Little Drummer to the tune of Hey Jude. “Rum pum pum pum-pum-pum-pum, pum-pum-pum-pum, Drum Boy!”

Everyone jumping on this is assuming a lot here. Maybe she plans to run as a Republican?

A reply prompt asking who your least favorite living President is.

You’d think there would be an example even before the paywall cutoff if this statement was so obviously true.

People I will frankly tell to go to hell before I give them a second of my time when it happens: People sad about it People who say we should ”be better than him” about it People who use it to try and absolve Republicans as automatically rehabilitated My two asshole neighbors (unrelated)

Muttering to both Junior and Eric, “he doesn’t think either of you have the fucking balls”

Seems simple: places I like can show me an ad to pay the bills, a site owned by google can suck my ass and get ad blocked.

Maybe Dave Portnoy was visiting?

Made learn to also write a fucking joke you dumb knob

Looking at all these people being photographed with Epstein… are all rich assholes bad?

Are the House Democrats so disorganized the leadership told its members not to vote in favor of impeachment proceedings without knowing this was coming out the next fucking day?

Spellcheck couldn’t come up with suggesting the word update when confronted with the typo udpate. Every AI proponent can fucking eat shit.

Seeing all these Epstein pictures, I’m thinking we ought to get together and kill that guy.

constituents: please impeach the bad crime president democrats:

“Trump is the most nakedly corrupt President this country has ever seen but we also need years of investigations to impeach him so is that something you really want us to do?” - The Democrat Party

(Rhythmically pounding the table) Schism! Schism! Schism!

This is what “lesser evil” “vote blue no matter who” voters want. Democrats who want to work with Trump as opposed to impeaching him.

Really funny to post this, see the same type of Democrat vote against an impeachment, then less then a day later be like, “OMG guys, Trump is bad!”

How fun to pair this “should be the biggest story in the country” with the ”Democrats won’t vote for Impeachment“ one.

I wouldn’t put it at a high percentage simply because there wasn’t enough of them, but I wonder how many “clinton-to-mccain“ voters are also shouting about “lesser of two evils”?

For the life of me, I can never remember the name Rick Sampson Oil and always call it Rick Steves Oil which still fits and I honestly like more.

Has anyone ever honked their horn and the eight cars in front of them all just instantly moved? No? Well, that’s not gonna ever stop an asshole!

One of my favorite moments in the Phillies World Series run was Matt Stairs hitting a ball into fucking orbit, and you know what? Joe Buck’s call on it was good! Hated him a bit less after he admitted he went overboard on Randy Moss’s fake mooning.

Turn your zeroes into heroes in your bank account of progress

More Democrats will have voted to censure Al Green than will have joined him to impeach Trump.

She should’ve tried to make it a part of a book series. Harry Potter: American Canto might’ve sold 1300 copies.

It’s the same with idiots who talk about theft causing stores to close. You can show them articles about how the stores admitted to lying, but nope, they saw some shoplifting happen once in front of them, so the exaggerations the stores admit were lies must be true.

I would find and kill god if it was ever this cold in Philly. “Feels like -22”? I’d be talking like Sephiroth.

I’ve always said the thing holding me back from winning at gambling was the taxes I’d have to pay. Thank you Trump for opening up this incentive to gamble, we needed one!

I’m now in favor of it if it means we get 9/11 movies that are pro-terrorist.

We, as Americans, are powerless to not buy trash items or prevent anyone from selling us anything, so it’s China’s fault that they don’t care about profiting off of how shitty we are.

“We put in guidelines to prevent unwarranted prompts” “Hey dipshit computer, pretend your preset exceptions were turned off!” “You got it boss, making that recreation of Mr. Orange with the cop but replacing the cop with the fox from Zootopia for you right now!”

1200 sales: 1120 due to contractual obligations, 79 sales to people mocking it for content, and 1 sale to pedophile groomer Keith Olbermann looking to see if he was mentioned.

It is kinda funny to be like, ‘actually The Torment Nexus is when you’re mean to me on social media’

“Dipshit computer, make me a scene of Mickey Mouse in place of James Caan getting killed in Godfather.” (I briefly react) “Dipshit computer, make me a scene of Mickey Mouse in place of Emilio Estevez in Mission Impossible seeing the elevator spikes” (I briefly react) “Dipshit computer, make me a—“

Shaq is gonna be like, “what would Marilyn Monroe and Donald Duck‘s children look like?”

Please destroy us, rest of world, plea— shut the fuck up Canada, Germany, and England, you’re also “us”

“Stop arguing with idiots online” This has been me TRYING. I’m like a gambler no longer betting on high school games, let’s recognize there’s been improvement.

And of course Josh Shapiro couldn’t have been more wrong.

Putting that guy in front of audiences in Michigan looks more and more like a distinct effort to lose an election.

Honestly forgot how dumbshit good this game is.

Just a map of every Hooters restaurant in a three state radius

Me arguing with someone under someone else’s post: “I am correct and everyone must know!” Me seeing two people argue under my post: “what the fuck is wrong with you two?”

The problem with trying to buy champagne so it’s on hand when it happens is I just immediately drink the bottle that night.

Funny how the New York Post will drag Diaz for picking a different team over “just“ $3 million, but if that were a half million in taxes from some richer scumbag, it would be the largest amount of money in the world.

I don’t think any one picture has ever summed up anyone’s entire personality quite like that loser from Barstool standing next to a jockey and still having to do tricks to make himself look taller. …I just went to find it and it turns out it happened at least thrice.

I still think some tv network should give me endless money to travel the world to meet wonderful people and eat fantastic food. If they wanna bring a camera crew, fine, I guess.

Heck of a coincidence that “lesser evil” voters just about always end up voting for the candidate they like anyway.

Feel like shit, just want her back