I forgot to pay my monthly subscription to the Scrabble Club. They are now sending me threatening letters. #dadjokes

I just ran a marathon in Sweden. I knew I was lost when I crossed the Finnish line. #dadjokes

Still annoyed at my school mates for voting me as “most likely to hold a grudge.” #dadjokes

Did you know that the earthworm is only there to make sure that the other worms don't get electrocuted? #dadjokes

I’ve realised I’m not a fan of lemon preserve. It’s just a curd to me. #dadjokes

I went to see my doctor about my blocked ears. She gave me some drops and told me to put two drops in my beers every night. Sadly I still can't hear much. #dadjokes

The Invisible Man and the invisible Woman got married. No idea what they saw in each other. I hear the kids are nothing to look at either. #dadjokes

Someone just tried to get me to steal fishing tackle. But, I didn’t take the bait. #dadjokes

Nearly finished my sandwich making course. Tomorrow it's my final eggs ham. #dadjokes

Went around and bought five watches the other day. I have a lot of time on my hands. #dadjokes

My New Year’s resolution is to be more punctual. #dadjokes

I thought that I heard someone say “hello” in Arabic. But, it was a false salaam. #dadjokes

I used to be addicted to soap. I'm clean now! #dadjokes

My chiropractor has a lot of appointments this week. She’s seeing patients back to back. #dadjokes

My mate’s wife is a funeral director. They have two vehicles. His and Hearse. #dadjokes

I saw a chicken at the gym yesterday…. working on his pecks. #dadjokes

BREAKING NEWS. A Parisian has fallen through the roof of a bakery. He is believed to be in a lot of pain. #dadjokes

Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Or, is it just one of Granny's myths? #dadjokes

Two bed bugs fell in love and are getting married in the spring. #dadjokes

Still remember 2025 like it was yesterday. #dadjokes

Before I start drinking and forget what day it is …. I want to wish everyone a happy St Patrick's Day! #dadjokes

Someone phoned me sneezed then hung up. These cold calls are a nuisance. #dadjokes

The inventor of cheap wrapping paper has sadly passed away. RIP #dadjokes

My New Year’s resolution is to buy a massive Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it. #dadjokes

Overnight last night in GP OOH & on call this week. Urgent primary care is available throughout with many GPs working all around 🇬🇧. They will of course be joined by 1000s of hospital, community and paramedic colleagues who will all keep the NHS going. 🥼🩺🚑 #MerryChristmas

A major fire at a Temu Warehouse has destroyed 50% of all stock. Police estimate the total damage to be around £3.50. #dadjokes

My mate was stunned when he found out that he was holding the taser the wrong way. #dadjokes

I was attacked by a herd of cows. I was only grazed. #dadjokes

Bought a robot puppy. No bark. Only byte. #dadjokes

I accidentally dropped some ice cubes into a pot of boiling water. Now I can’t find them. #dadjokes

I'm getting a puppy called Hamlet for Christmas. He is a Great Dane. #dadjokes

My mate lost his job as a stage designer. He left without making a scene. #dadjokes

I was fired from the Advent calendar factory. Just for taking a one day off! #dadjokes

I've just found out that they won’t be making 12” rulers any longer. #dadjokes

I was walking past the YMCA this morning and saw a teenage boy sat outside stroking some feathers. I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down...” #dadjokes

In a few weeks, I’m going go visit the Prime Meridian. Not sure what I’m gonna do in the Mean Time. #dadjokes

My mate has injured himself at a spinning class. I think he’s taken a turn for the worse. #dadjokes

I am currently one of the world record holders for the Rubik's Cube. It has been 40 years,and I still can't solve it. #dadjokes

Last Sunday, the priest in a mask just threw some holy water on me. Sounds odd, but it’s a blessing in disguise. #dadjokes

I'm a pretty good ventriloquist .... even if I say so myself. #dadjokes

I’ve caught a virus while sitting on the London Eye. There's a lot going round. #dadjokes

Little known fact: There is a patron saint of checking bread rolls before taking them out of the oven. Saint John The Bap Test. #dadjokes

I went out for a meal with a group of electricians last night. None of them wanted the starters. Just went straight for the mains. #dadjokes

Last night, someone broke in to our house and took a dozen eggs. They also left a saucepan filled with warm water. Police believe it was poachers. #dadjokes

I have piles and piles of ironing to do. I don't know which is worse… #dadjokes

To the person who stole my glasses… I will find you. Got some contacts. #dadjokes

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked the Enigma code. Few people knew his sister Kate, who provided drinks and snacks for his colleagues. #dadjokes

Police are investigating why the plaque on the wall outside the Colgate head office, keeps disappearing..... #dadjokes

I wonder if the guy who created the term ‘one hit wonder’ came up with any other phrases? #dadjokes

For the record... I don't own a turntable. #dadjokes