Just want to say that since I had surgery on my neck I have never looked back. #dadjokes

I've got a job in a salt and pepper factory. It’s just seasonal work. #dadjokes

Dear Mrs. Stone, As usual we are declining your offer to donate blood. Best regards The Blood bank #dadjokes

I was so close to winning the World's Most Congested Nose competition. But I blew it at the last minute! #dadjokes

My mate has been proposed by two women. One makes incredible pancakes. The other writes beautiful poetry. Not sure if he should marry for batter or for verse? #dadjokes

I hired a handyman today and gave him a list of things to do. When I got home he'd only done tasks 1,3, & 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs. #dadjokes

There has been much debate as to the best field event in the Olympics as of late. Discus. #dadjokes

The best underwear jokes are.... brief! #dadjokes

I dropped a tub of margarine on my foot two weeks ago. I can’t believe it’s not better. #dadjokes

Getting my kite stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today. But it’s definitely up there. #dadjokes

My doctor told me to get some professional help. So I'm looking for a Butler, a Maid and a Chauffeur. #dadjokes

Just heard that a man collapsed on the ferris wheel at the local fair. Doctors say he is slowly coming around. #dadjokes

In a restaurant my phone kept receiving pictures of stews & casseroles. Then it dawned on me - I was connected to a wireless hotpot. #dadjokes

Dropped a tenner today and chased it for miles. I never caught it but at least I had a good run for my money! #dadjokes

Just spent 8 hours in A & E. I fell off the roof at IKEA, and got my legs wedged in the sign. #dadjokes

Dog Walkers. Worst flavour of crisps, ever. #dadjokes

I Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night. He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out. #dadjokes

I’m thinking about starting a welding club if anyone wants to join... #dadjokes

I'm giving up my Ballroom Dance Classes. It just feels like one step forward and two steps back! #dadjokes

I once worked as a mannequin in a clothing store. I held that position for quite a long time. #dadjokes

I've just been offered the lead role in a new movie about heavy metal. #dadjokes

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was. It was a complete guess but I was right. #dadjokes

I failed a fire safety test at work. When asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire, saying, “large fast ones” was wrong! #dadjokes

To help to save the environment, I've stopped using Carrier Pigeons. Now have bought a Pigeon for Life. #dadjokes

Running into stationary objects can be painful according to a recent pole. #dadjokes

I got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas. I had to make every second count. #dadjokes

My novelist friend is thinking about writing a book on allotments. Just needs to find a decent plot. #dadjokes

I saw a guy in Starbucks today ….No laptop, No tablet, No smartphone Just sat there, drinking coffee. What a weirdo!! #dadjokes

My dog wouldn’t fetch a frying pan I kept throwing. It was a non stick. #dadjokes

There is a nudist convention on in town this weekend. I might go, if I have nothing on.. #dadjokes

This man stopped me in the street this morning and asked why I was carrying a 9 foot book? Oh mate, “It's a long story". #dadjokes

I once drove 100 miles through snow and ice to buy parts for my computer. It was a hard drive. #dadjokes

Police have warned that the man who stole a Stradivarius should not be approached. He has a history of violins. #dadjokes

Lots of towns have initials that are also abbreviations. Take, East Grinstead for example. #dadjokes

The husband and wife inventors of the brochure have sadly died. RIP Pam Flett, and her husband, Lee. #dadjokes

My first job was working at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate. #dadjokes

My therapist just said me that I have a problem expressing my emotions. I can’t say I’m surprised. #dadjokes

I've joined the scarecrow appreciation society. I was a bit apprehensive at first, but they welcomed me with open arms. #dadjokes

The inventor of hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has died. RIP Scott Chegg. #dadjokes

Stealing clothes off a clothes line. Been there done that, got the t-shirt. #dadjokes

Did you know, that T-Shirt is actually an abbreviated version of Tyrannosaurus shirt? Due to the short arms. #dadjokes

If you're being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead. #dadjokes

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and can't believe I'm no longer a Kleptomaniac . I have to pinch myself. #dadjokes

I’ve landed a new job as a conductor on a ghost train. All going ticketty-boo so far. #dadjokes

A date for your diary. The AGM of the Association of Narrative Practice in Health Care will feature some of the latest developments in teaching and learning "Conversations Inviting Change", including our online courses in the UK and Japan, the use of AI, and Educating Against Hatred. Open to all.

My local farmer has a sign saying Do Not Touch The Fence. Not sure why, I just can’t put my finger on it. #dadjokes

Just delivered a speech at my cousin’s wedding. Beautiful ceremony where a Tamil young woman married her White British partner. Blessed by friends & family - White, Black, Asian, Mixed heritage. Their union embodies the spirit of modern Britain. Diversity is our strength.

My mate’s nickname at school was Scarface. He was really good at knitting. #dadjokes

Someone had stolen all the grips at the local climbing centre. I mean, honestly, you couldn’t make it up. #dadjokes

The inventor of the USB stick has died. Thanks for the memory. #dadjokes