A REAL patriot would do air traffic control for FREE because they LOVE AMERICA

YOU ARE LITERALLY THE REASON ANYONE WAS VOTING AT ALL

Worth pointing out that what Adam Carolla does for "work" is effectively just yell this very tweet into a microphone for a few hours a day

Anyway, they'd better seat Grijalva and vote to release the Epstein files TOMORROW.

And you tell them it's because Republicans literally want to destroy government and want your constituents to die, right? YOU TELL THEM IT'S BECAUSE REPUBLICANS LITERALLY WANT TO DESTROY GOVERNMENT AND WANT YOUR CONSTITUENTS TO DIE, RIGHT?

This is a good moment for people who think the Democratic Party should be the biggest possible tent to realize what disastrous life choices they have made and drown themselves in the sea.

It's cool that politicians get to have a word like "moderate" to describe them while the rest of us have to just be described as "moral cowards who don't believe in anything and are bad at our jobs."

What a fortune time for the ADL to never have specifically stated that they were anti ALL defamation.

My burning hot take is that the Godfather films are obscenely overrated and that Francis Ford Coppola is not a very good filmmaker. And I think when his lousy movie loses him an island this should count as evidence for my argument.

They are all absolute fucking frauds

It is, in fact, the very definition of a laughing matter

Ross Douthat is the JD Vance Before picture that made a wish to be a real boy

Trump Hopefully Memorial Stadium

He's not wrong to say "our groceries are way down."

No it's just that Republicans think that the private sector is better at feeding of millions of underpaid and disadvantaged citizens

I stand with the Venezuelans fleeing communism in South Africa ❤️✊️

The number of times the ghostly echo of a generic 2024 voter saying "I don't like the mean tweets but he'll be good for the economy" runs through my head every day lately...

I really just want them all to die

TIRED: 2025 historians on Roman Empire - "Well, consider they used to sprinkle mercury on their wine to make it taste better." WIRED: 4025 historians on American Empire - "Well, consider they invented a giant plagiarism machine that convinced people to commit suicide."

Current events are leading to an increase of people making Trump/Marie Antoinette jokes. So I'm here to remind everyone *one more time* - The "let them eat cake" line never happened, is totally not in line with Marie Antoinette's character, and is misogynistic bullshit. So knock it off. Please.

Geez, libs, c'mon, he's *PRAYING*! Because he's a *CHRISTIAN*! Of some kind!

If the government shutdown carries on through Thanksgiving no turkeys will be pardoned this year, all turkeys will be considered guilty and will immediately be hunted to extinction

Absolute insanity. There is now absolutely no way for any sane person to conclude anything other than that Republicans plan to keep government shut down permanently.

Baseball player brags about hitting baseball

Can you speak Arabic and Mandarin and care about facts and ethics? Here's $70,000! Can you regurgitate a bunch of fawning bullshit about the fraudulent technology that is A.I.? Here's a quarter of a million dollars!

Submitting this sentence for Pulitzer consideration

Room profoundly unread

I am ready to light many things on fire

I feel like more and more people are catching on to the very easy and very correct strategy of "Just look at what gazillionaires want to happen and support the opposite"

Pretty good password because people sometimes get tripped up on the U-V-R-E part

Face-eating leopards' anti-face-eating-leopard taskforce to cut ties with face-eating leopards

The man once disgusted by a dying 80-year-old has become the dying disgusting 80-year-old man! Such irony!

One of the reasons Mamdani won is that we live in a society where someone has 13 million dollars they can light on fire and not notice.

Does this not technically constitute tampering with evidence?

What I'm hearing is that we're all cool to throw sandwiches at ICE now

This photograph had better win a goddamn Pulitzer

I'm not an economist, is this bad?

This is probably right

It's pretty obvious now that among antisemitism's growing definitions is "being Muslim and having any opinion"

Fucked up way to announce the death of actor John Krasinski

Can we please finally concede that polling is hopelessly fucking broken and no longer of value for predicting election outcomes?

Happy Not No Kings Per Se But Just This One Very Specific King Day

Things went so badly for the Republicans last night that they weren't even able to get a Democrat elected

"Yes, hello, is this the Louvre?"

The irony here is that the only thing stopping Republicans from being EVEN MORE UNPOPULAR THAN THEY ALREADY ARE is their inability to force their agenda through Congress. And Trump wants to reverse that. Because he is a staggeringly, historically stupid person.

Democrats, run cool people that people like, I promise it will work

Well he's ALSO saying that he should have been the Republican candidate in every election so this is the rare bleet that highlights his idiocy AND his insanity simultaneously

This is literally the first time in decades that New Yorkers have not selected their mayor by painstakingly seeking out the shittiest and most universally disliked person in the city.

If Sliwa had dropped out and literally everyone who voted for Sliwa flipped to Cuomo, Cuomo would still have lost.