Anthony Albanese accidentally got himself banned from Spotify because his wrapped said he was under 16

My Spotify wrapped suggested I should invest in AI and weapons

Sure, I took the day off because my whiplash injury flared up. However, I discovered I can calm my baby by making him dance to Jamiroquai. Not a total loss of a day

I am going to lick the Large Hadron Collider

Final BIFF film: Dracula. Big fan of Radu Jude! According to him in the post-film recorded Q&A, it’s his ‘most commercial film’. The wanking stayed onscreen.

3rd BIFF film: A Useful Ghost. Fantastic! Featured a guy getting a blowy from a vacuum cleaner possessed by his wife. Didn’t feature a viewer in the cinema jacking off!

Just overheard dudes discussing the cinema wank at No Other Choice. Cinema is alive!

2nd BIFF film. Ish. Great! And no one had a wank because I was the only one in the theatre and I’m domesticated ☺️

Now waiting for my first BIFF film: No Other Choice. I hope it’s a family film

If I see anyone in Brisbane walking around clutching their bumhole, I’ll know it’s because they didn’t heed my warning to not poop during a storm

I think being a dad has significantly improved my baby rhyme time performances. It might because the parents in the crowd can see that I’m tired too and can relate

I finally bought the Michael Haneke boxset I’ve been joking about when people ask if my son needs anything. It’s for my son. I swear.

Did the kind of poop that feels like I’m gonna go down a pant size

Power out at work. TIME FOR A MUCK AROUND!!!!

RIP Udo Kier. May heaven gift you many wirgins

BIFF is booked! - No Other Choice - Ish - A Useful Ghost - Dracula

Just read RFK Jr’s poem to the mother of my child ❤️❤️❤️

I could’ve sworn people knew about Noam Chomsky’s connection to Jeffrey Epstein. I recall a couple of years ago a story about Epstein picking up Chomsky in his jet to go to New York and catch-up with Woody Allen

Whoops. I think I did a disinformation.

Another sign I have a big baby: Neighbour asked if our six week old is three months

When I party at the airport

Just learnt they won’t let me do the injecting of my son’s needles. Not letting me perform medical procedures is woke.

Hopefully this won’t impact his body image

This nap time is seriously impeding my ability to see Reflections In A Dead Diamond in a cinema

Not only do I believe Donald Trump blew Bill Clinton, but I also believe Donald Trump couldn’t get Bill Clinton hard

First shift back today. I think that’s the most active I’ve been in six weeks

Here’s me learning my synthesiser died

Once upon a time Australia had David Stratton. Now the only culture being written about are bogans misbehaving on Big Brother.

I’m getting more annoyed by society. I think I’m gonna become grumpier as I get older.

I better trim this child’s nails before he gives me the scars of a Hollywood villain

My month-old baby’s bumhole chose violence

Here’s the underdog Grammy story no one is talking about

After a month, mum has gone home. Now I can introduce my baby son to the Cronenbergs

Just saw Die My Love and feel a lot more confident in my parenting abilities

I dreamt last night that everyone but me seemed to know the word ‘halluminate’. Googled to see if it was a real word. It’s a dumb AI company that’s somehow advertising in my dreams 😩

Daddy deserves some Criterions

I’m starting to suspect I wasn’t invited to the Louvre heist because I’m too handsome

Bought my son a Béla Tarr boxset. Figured it’s a good sleep aid.

Aw, fuck 🥹

Dear Brisbane, Don’t poop during this wild weather! The lightning could travel up the pipes and zap your bumhole shut.

My favourite costume of the trick or treaters who’ve stopped by is a child who said they were dressed as Bluey but he looked like a member of the Blue Man Group

I don’t think I’ve ever topped the Halloween costume I did the year Chopper died

I think Bugonia wants me to kidnap Anthony Albanese

I watched Michael Collins in October because British occupation of Ireland is a horror story

Something odd is happening with Brisbane Film Fest. The programme sort of just appeared with little build-up. It’s later than previous years. It’s a really short run (from two weeks down to four days). Very odd.

This child’s diarrhoea is violent!!!

Despite being a man in his mid 30s who is the father of a newborn, I bought a movie at JB Hifi and got asked for ID.

Um, I won a Werner Herzog shirt

I have no idea what Nicolas Winding Refn’s Copenhagen Cowboy was about. Still, I dug its vibe.