One of my gym crushes just said to me "what are you, 26? How are you so much bigger and were the same age?" The way his face lit up when I said I was 39. I think he wants it

Out of focus or in focus 🤔

Life is hard, but have you tried lifting heavy while in a depressive mood? Iktr.

People are still using "I have an Asian fetish" as a pickup line, huh?

Investing in what matters, myself. Dad mode initiated

Wuthering waves yang yang sp gorlies?! If we aren't lucky we skip

I think I'm almost ready to start enforcing boundaries

I'm about to block every fuck boy in my life I swear to all that is queer.

Picked a gay therapist to transfer to and our first session was today. Please clap.

I never realized what a large support system I have in friends.

I've come to realize that I have needs too, and it's okay to exercise that right. Love works by growing together. I'll do it alone if I have to, but I'd rather you be here with me.

I wish I took more pictures. I realize now how scared I always was with people. All I have are the wonderful memories in my head. I'll hold onto these feelings forever.

Anyone who knows anything about my soul; it doesn't matter how long it's been, what we talked about last, or if we are worlds apart: If you need me, I will move mountains for you. I won't let people tell me I'm weak for that anymore.

The way snow wife gives my workouts meaning

I think I'll give it a month with this new therapist before I decide on anything. I've learned giving things time gives me exponential clarity. It's comforting knowing I have learned to keep my anxiety in check.

It doesn't matter what mood I'm in, if you call me a good girl, baby, babe, or whatever femininely associated nickname, I'm completely disarmed and at attention

Went to new gym with a friend - his friend told me "good girl" and slapped my ass when I went to failure. Gonna marry this man

People who believe real love doesn't trigger you or challenge you to grow need to go back to Disney

I don't know what it is today... But I am worthy. I'm not too old, I'm capable of amazing things, I see parts of me I pushed down due to shame The world will fucking love me, and I'm gonna show you what I can do.

Increasing my protein to 200g per day again. I'm gonna fucking die

I can feel myself slipping occasionally into the thoughts of never wanting to date again. Wanting to block it out and forget. The survival trauma habit is mega real. Then I remember my heart and what's there

Honestly? I'm finally at a point where I really am discovering myself and the way forward that preserves who I am and how I feel about people.

I've made a lot of progress and I'm a much different person than before, but damn, that stung more than I thought it would.

Can you tell what day it was at the gym 🤭

I was singing my heart out and this girl came out from the back closet in the empty gym area and was like "I didn't want to make it awkward, but I enjoyed listening to you"

My favorite (and only) Uniqlo outfit. Kkbq during pride weekend

I'm doing good y'all. I mean I'm not GREAT lol. Thank you for checking in, I am surrounded by great people, and I'm learning what I don't need in my life.

It's still hard admitting my 18 year relationship is over, but I have support of people I love.

Allowing myself to love things again without association

I was groovin and for the first time in a long time ..At the gym I felt sexy. My gym crush said I got moves 🤭

All of this content about what I could do, or could be doing wrong. One thing is for certain: I have to at least try.

open.spotify.com/track/0ZQxah... This is me now

Thinking about making some hard choices after this weekend depending

Oh jeez, I think I may actually be fearful avoidant and anxious leaning

I understand that people have their own experiences, but I need to see this through.

Can you believe im ass blasting while listening to learning how to communicate in a relationship

Fuck fuck fuck. I unlocked deeply buried memories in my subconscious that I don't want. Please put it back. Fuck.

Job interview rejection number 18. I want to step away from everyone and everything. Im exhausted. Never chosen in my personal life or even my professional life.

Someone asked me at the gym, "You're really blunt these days are you okay?" No I'm the fuck not Sherlock. My energy is reserved for me now, so fucking go and let me finish my set

Im learning the lines between compassion, compromise, sacrifice. The boundaries are set by me, and me alone. I define these. If I have the love to give, then another person doesn't get to dictate what my limit is. Friend or otherwise.

Stream time! Rebuilding my stream endurance www.twitch.tv/kocinan

I wanna do a quick check in stream but idk what to play 🤔

Been on sniffies and the apps all day. You'd think I'd find a fuck during pride, but I guess not.

Is it titty Tuesday? Oh yes.

This crunch lighting?!

Another interview, another chance.

No stream this weekend since I'm preparing for this interview

The more secure person I am becoming, I'm realizing how much I won't tolerate. I hope I don't become someone who dismisses others in my life too quickly.

This week was obviously difficult. Therapy is helping me learn how to calm my mind monkey, and take accountability for the things in my life