Morning

My boys Christmas present

Whoever snitched on Luigi Mangione while he was eating at McDonald’s, you’re the real villain here.

My favorite season of the year 🧊

Next week can someone make thick cheeks Thursday? #TCT

“I'm just gonna get gas in the morning." Is one of the worst decisions you make as an adult.

Art.

Prince Charming on the streets, and a sex god in the sheets.

“Is that your second plate?” Me:

Something I'm grateful for... My parents not having a Ring camera when I was in high school.

When he’s so fine you be just wanting to eat him.

I don’t stuff turkeys, but I’ve mastered stuffing my boy, so close enough.

Me going back for seconds (or thirds) at Thanksgiving like…

That part.

Nothing irritates me more than showing up to work and seeing the place still standing.

I'm kinda like the total package that got fucked up through shipping and handling

I’m exactly where I want to be: home and away from everyone.

I be eatin my boys ass and then sip on a crown bottle with the crew like it’s just another Friday night.

For Thanksgiving, everybody gotta bring what they shaped like. Me: 🥔

I want to go out, but I also kind of want to stay in my room forever.

I enjoy having a job; it’s the going-to-work part that’s the problem.

Cold-blooded but a cuddle addict.

One thing about me.. if I don’t feel like talking, that phone’s not getting answered.

Why can’t 8 hours of sleep last as long as 8 hours at work?

New shirt for him😊

My circle is so small, I don’t even need caller ID—I already know who it is.

How delusional am I? Every day I dream of winning the lottery… knowing full well I don’t even buy tickets.

My favorite outdoor activity is getting my packages at the door and bringing them in.

Everyone meet my son 🐾

Batman animated series had the best plots. The plots:

I could not be a therapist l'd want to see a picture of the person you're crying about.

I wanna have a Friendsgiving but I got like 3 friends & they can't even cook. 🦃😓

Hiiiiiiiiiiiii 😬

Bluesky > X

And yet again this morning, no one was standing next to my bed saying: "Your Royal Highness, here is your Mimosa"😤😤

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Monday will be here in like twenty minutes.🙄

everyone is so kind and positive on Blue Sky, let’s never change

My boy was in a mood earlier, so I gave him some pole. Apparently, I’m a miracle worker.

Moaning☀️

Ima eat his ass like his ex is watching.🤷🏽‍♂️

No red flags here just fun facts.

I woke up horngry 🐽

This is exactly what I picture when he hits me with the ‘🥺’ face.

There’s no greater reward than watching his whole face light up after I call him a ‘good boy.’😏

Can’t have any soft friends bc I talk a lil aggressively 😭.

🤠

Damn, pole and hole already? You guys work fast. 🫣

Gotta bring all my sarcasm to this app now.