Custodes unit #6969, reporting for duty. Well, technically calling an SOS. My voxcalls (messages) from the Asiatic Dustfields appear to be jammed (blocked by the firewall of China). If anyone from the Palace is listening, please send help, the heat is cooking me alive in my armor.

I HAVE BEEN UNBANNED x.com/AdeptusBananas

Me and the mortals on a night out: (Art by Velkiras-Na’khon)

The Imperial Palace except all Custodes on vigil have to t-pose. Thank you for coming to my TED talk, Custodes out.

Constantin Valdor, the Emperor's Spear, earned a name for having the most democratic election for Captain-General ever. He won with a total of 20,000 votes, in the Ten Thousand with only 10,000 voters.

Pixelhagl cooked on this. The Custodes approve so very much.

Me and my Voxcaster homies, in out glorious duties to the Imperium: (yes, the trombone is an extraordinary important part of the glory of the Ten Thousand)

and the next 2

here they are!

[AYAYAYA INTENSIFIES]

Some...very interesting art of our glorious sisters in the Custodes. (Custodes gf by @dndosld73832)

Custodes! Arrest this man for impersonation!

More Custodian crack

Happy (late) New Year!

Merry Sanguinala, loyal Imperium citizens!

Bonus: Horus would be the type to write "assume I am correct" under "assumptions and limitations" in a chemistry lab

Results for the Primarch Chemistry lab: Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.

The Primarchs at a chemistry class: Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.

Tip for new Custodes on interacting with Valdor. When he asks “How are you?”, it’s not because he actually cares about you, it’s because he’s programmed to do so under “conversing with the Emperor 101” and we never changed it.

Valdor is the type of Captain-General who'll do his book report on the math textbook. Followed up by a thrilling plot analysis on the dictionary.

The Primarchs' grades and reactions after the test: Horus: Gets surprisingly high for the no effort he put in. Argues with the teacher, persuades them into rounding his 85 to a 100, somehow. Lorgar: Tries to argue with the teacher over a mark-band problem, gets his 95 turned to an 85 out of spite.

As a joke, for the Primarchs in math tests: “The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor

two more followers and I shall suplex Horus.

As a joke, I have headcannoned what Primarchs would be like in math contests: You know the alignment chart thingies? As a joke, I made one for Math contests, but for Primarchs. What happens at the math contest: Knows what they’re doing, does the questions: Guilliman, Sanguinius, Ferrus

Breaking News: Custodian stares at potted plant for 16 hours. Labelled a "disgrace of the Ten Thousand" for not making it 17 hours.

I'm busy, but I really want to do this.🤣🤣

here's the link to the original post! bsky.app/profile/eliz...

Can confirm this is what happened.

Remember, at 200 followers I will suplex Horus.

I am never going to emotionally recover from this. Call an Apothecary and bring a Dreadnought, I just witnessed a murder.

Think Valdor isn't brainwashed? Think again. Valdor was so brainwashed that they put his name next to the dictionary of brainwashed Valdor was so brainwashed that medical faculties are defining brainwashed as "whatever the fuck Valdor is"!

All hail our glorious overlord!

Actually, I think this is my most favorite piece I’ve made. Marketable plushies! If you haven’t seen #huntertheparenting yet please do!! IT’S SO WORTH IT GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW— #HTP #BigD #Marckus #Kitten #Kevinthewizard #Door #Boy #Horse

Three Custodes have been shot tonight. Twelve Remembrancers were exiled to Afrik to farm potatoes. My serf died recovering this image. All over this pict of our glorious Catain-General Catstantin Valdor- [intelligible screaming due to “grievous injuries via Apollonian Spear”]

Wake up, random thighs to get your attention. Do I have your attention now? Good. Anyways, our glorious Captain-General canonically lost TWICE to Abaddon, and for this we will NEVER FORGIVE HIM!

The Inquisition is after me. Again. (I must be speedrunning getting banned, any %)

Doot doot, heretics.

So, I have finally made my alt x.com/LegioBananas

I loved doing this piece so much, I really need to draw the Emperor some more. #warhammer #warhammer40k #theemperorofmankind #warhammer40kart #warhammerart #art #40k #spacemarine

BEHOLD! OUR GLORIOUS OVERLORD!

Valdor's neural ports, from: Birth of the Imperium.

Day 3(I think) with my account locked, time to rally the Emissaries Imperatus and complain.

Account still locked, I am sending the Ephoroi.

The Inquisition has been attempting to arrest the Custodes. I AM INNOCENT! This was literally my banner!

When I get to 200 followers I will get a Terminator Custodes to suplex Horus!

Out of the only one Archtraitor who attempted to kill our glorious Emperor, Horus ranks second in a contest whereupon he was the only competitor. (Yes, we’re still salty over the Vengeful Spirit, how could you tell?)

Remember when I promised that I would suplex the Archtraitor if I got to 100 followers? Well. It turns out, suplexing a Primarch in full Terminator armor that weighs four times as much as you do....was a bad idea.

As promised.... I am starting to think suplexing the Archtraitor in Terminator armor wasn't such a great idea....

Send the Dread Host, we lost the Emperor's social security number.