A great way for it to happen would be slipping and falling into the ballroom construction site. Then they could just cover it with dirt and call it a day.

25th amendment.

If you don’t want to repay billions in illegal tariffs, don’t issue billions in illegal tariffs.

He’s now pressuring the Supreme Court to let him not pay what he owes.

The Administration expected a reply from the Iranians on Friday. They made him wait all weekend and then delivered a response he deemed “totally unacceptable.” Dude is getting dog walked on an international stage. Telling other countries that he’s winning as they laugh in his face. Wild stuff.

When Trump says he holds all the cards, he means flash cards teaching him how to spell words like “CAT.”

There’s a scene in Hook where Maggie says: “Daddy, let's go home, please? He's just a mean old man without a mommy.” This scene makes me think about Donald Trump.

Tired of these ridiculous LIBS on social media. “Ooh! Look at me! I get vaccinated against deadly viruses! I look both ways before crossing the street! I cook my chicken!” Get over yourselves!

Reminder that before Trump tore up the JCPOA, all inspectors agreed that Iran was complying with the deal. All of this is his fault.

Here’s the president’s Mother’s Day message.

Good morning! I wish all mothers, even the haters and losers, a very special day. Yes, even Melania. Although, every day he’s alive is probably a bad day for her. Oh, well! Be best. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Do you think big toes ever get depressed that they look like Jeff Bezos?

If you didn’t get your tariff or DOGE checks yet, just use your Trump phone to make a complaint.

Yeah, a minor medical emergency can put you into debt for the rest of your life. But have you considered that the Lincoln memorial reflecting pool will now look blue?

So many birds are going to shit on this thing.

Spencer Pratt always looks constipated.

Voting to not protect pedophiles is very easy, actually.

I don’t understand how Truth Social could possibly be losing money with all this quality ad revenue.

Release 1) the Epstein files 2) the copy of The Day the Clown Cried that’s in the library of congress.

If Jesus saw modern Christian influencers, he would 100% make more whips.

If you wake up, open social media and loudly announce that you refuse to take a vaccine that hasn’t even been fully developed yet, your brain has broken. Throw your phone into the ocean.

Looks like Elon has found a new target for his turkey baster.

The courts keep striking down tariffs, and the White House immediately gets to work on another way to implement them. Prices aren’t coming down, and they’re reeeal quiet those $2,000 checks we were promised.

The purge, but for one day it’s legal to slap Trump voters with a large fish.

Despite probably not being the target audience, I had a great time with this.

The president saying gas and grocery prices have come down, knowing his supporters will be forced to confront the lie every day, is the ultimate test of cult loyalty.

I haven’t seen the UFO files. But I also haven’t seen the Epstein files, because the DOJ continues to flout the Epstein Files Transparency Act. The latter is more important.

If the French pull this off, I never want to hear any jokes about them being cowardly again. www.cnbc.com/2026/05/07/f...

Complaining about gas prices? TDS. Beef is too expensive? TDS. Don’t like spending $70 billion blowing up Iranian schoolgirls? TDS. Think pedophiles should be prosecuted? TDS. Wanting a president who has a basic grasp of the world around them? TDS.

I think the Vatican humiliating members of the Trump administration is my kink.

No company should be allowed to reject candidates based on lack of qualifications. The director of the FBI is a podcaster. Come up with something else.

Great day for people who get all their epidemiological information from dudes filming videos inside trucks.

I notice that the people asking “how does Bill Gates know there will be another pandemic?” never seem to jump on meteorologists for knowing there will be more hurricanes.

By all accounts, most people don’t have cause for alarm re: hantavirus. However, given that we have incompetent and evil people running HHS, I understand why anyone might freak out.

As the global oil supply remains locked in a chokehold of his own creation, get ready for more rambling social media posts about why he should be able to tax you more and this judge is a loser or whatever. www.nytimes.com/2026/05/07/b...

The president has no idea what a ceasefire is.

It’s going great.

I guess any time there is even the *potential* of a virus that may require vigilance, the dumbest people you know will now preemptively announce that they will refuse treatment. Welcome to 2026.

Everyone had their knives out for Nithya Raman tonight because she’s the biggest threat.

Cannot wait for the rise in MAGA people putting deer mice meat into chili to own the libs because hantavirus was “manufactured” or whatever the fuck they believe.

What do we make of Epstein’s suicide note, gang?

FUCK NICE

Remember when they promised you a $5,000 DOGE check? And then another $2,000 tariff check? Of all of the false promises a politician could make, these seem like the ones that would piss the broadest number of people off.

I hope it happens when I’m awake. I don’t like the prospect of waking up to it and knowing everyone else has gotten a jump on celebrating.

Was anyone really asking for a sequel to Longlegs?

I just know Tom Steyer’s pockets are filled with Werther’s original at all times.

One thing we don’t talk about enough is Lauren Sanchez’s enormous acting range.

California needs @xavierbecerra.bsky.social. Los Angeles needs @nithyaforthecity.bsky.social. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Please tell me I never have to hear about Justin Baldoni again.

When someone says “Yes, this is what I voted for,” they mean: $5 gasoline, taxing the poorest people via tariff, waging unnecessary wars and protecting pedophiles from prosecution.