I do my own stunts
@idomyownstunts.bsky.social
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Hopefully, something funny for you Sometime not political correct Monday is Punday
Balloon animals I can make:⨠Worm⨠Snake āØEel
#joke
#rated-g
#talented
over 1 year ago
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I hate when people ask what I bring to the table. I bring sarcasm and anxiety. What else do you need?
#joke
#facts
over 1 year ago
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Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
#joke
#quietones
over 1 year ago
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Iām the quiet neighbor with the big freezer.
#joke
#sizematters
over 1 year ago
1
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I'm known around the office as "The Computer" because I go to sleep if left unattended for 10 minutes.
#joke
#pun
#punday
over 1 year ago
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What does a turkey with a limp sound like? Wobble Wobble
#joke
#pun
#punday
over 1 year ago
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I have an addiction to cheddar cheese but itās only mild.
#joke
#pun
#punday
over 1 year ago
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When I found out my new toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked!!
#joke
#puns
#punday
over 1 year ago
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15
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So, I bought some new fluorescent pens today. It was the highlight of my week.
#joke
#puns
#punday
over 1 year ago
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Remember today is Punday. Stay tuned for something punny.
#punday
over 1 year ago
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3
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Go home, Monday! No one likes you!
#joke
#monday
#amIGarfield
over 1 year ago
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8
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I should be ashamed of myself. Letās be clear, Iām not. But I should be.
#joke
#facts
#shameless
over 1 year ago
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6
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If Iām ever on life support: Unplug me.Ā Then plug me back in. See if that works.
#joke
#ctrlaltdel
#stayawayfromthelight
over 1 year ago
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I love sleeping. Itās like being dead without the commitment.
#joke
#sleep
#goodinbed
over 1 year ago
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11
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You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved when first dating? After 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as āmotiveā. Side note: I need a lawyer
#joke
#reallyJustAJoke
over 1 year ago
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I despise haikus. Iām court ordered to do them. To ālearn tolerance.ā
#joke
#haiku
#poetic
over 1 year ago
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6
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My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
#joke
#insertHashTag
over 1 year ago
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8
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In Alcoholās defense, I have done some pretty dumb stuff while completely sober too.
#Joke
#AA
#YOLO
over 1 year ago
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8
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Too old for Snapchat, too young for Life Alert.
#joke
#jokes
#helpivefallen
over 1 year ago
1
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I know my dog loves me, but if I had a squeaker in me, she'd gut me like a fish.
#joke
#dogs
#humanchewtoy
over 1 year ago
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Iām not saying Iām Batman. Iām just saying that nobody has ever seen me and Batman in a room together.
#joke
#batman
#thedorknight
over 1 year ago
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My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child. Itās not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
#joke
#hashtag
over 1 year ago
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If you stay angry at someone, itās like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. What Iām trying to say is, poison the person that made you angry. Also, I need a lawyer.
#joke
#jokes
#funny
over 1 year ago
2
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Is it just me or does nobody go missing in the Bermuda Triangle anymore?
#showerthoughts
#funny
#notfunny
?
over 1 year ago
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I still enjoy playing with dolls⦠Theyāre now voodoo dolls, but still.
#jokes
#joke
#funny
over 1 year ago
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If you only vacuum the living room, your guests will assume you vacuumed the whole house. Follow me for more
#lifehacks
#Jokes
#Joke
#Funny
#WellTryingToBeFunny
over 1 year ago
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8
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I hate when Iām trying to stalk someone and accidentally hit the follow button.
over 1 year ago
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"Whiskey, Rum, Vodka!" -Me, calling the shots.
over 1 year ago
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8
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I knew a guy lost all of his fingers in a horrible accident⦠I can't even begin to imagine how he feels.
#Funny
#jokes
#joke
#punday
over 1 year ago
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Welcome to Monday Punday Iāve been hiding from exercise. Iām in the fitness protection program.
#puns
#funny
#jokes
#re-skeet-me-please
#punday
over 1 year ago
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SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like the weekend and the anxiety of Monday sets in.
over 1 year ago
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99.9% of people are idiots. I'm glad I'm part of the 1% that is intelligent.
#joke
#jokes
#funny
over 1 year ago
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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don't even know if Iām kidding or not
#jokes
#followme
over 1 year ago
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