So just so we’re clear: the cause of autism is Tylenol, and we know this because the president’s grifter friend says so. And the cure for autism is the thing that the president’s other grifter friend just so happens to have an investment in. Meanwhile the president is a known grifter. Hmmmm…

Imagine unironically demanding that you get back a thing you gave up when you sold Afghanistan back to the Taliban. So much for the “Art of the Deal.”

President Donald J. Trump is a petulant little brat - a spoiled, vapid, narcissistic, whiny, spray-tanned, balding, pathologically lying, illiterate, gold-plated, bloated, incompetent, pedophilic, incestuous shitstain of a petulant little brat who would rather play despot than take accountability.

Fascism… is bad.

Someone who is vehemently against antifascism might be considered a… …say it with me now…

Remember when MAGA joked about feeding human beings to alligators en route to torture prisons and then demanded compassion? That’s my favorite joke of this whole fucked up situation.

I’m noticing a very concerning trend on MAGA TikTok of people saying things like “You thought Charlie Kirk’s views were bad, wait until you see mine,” “I woke up choosing violence,” and, “It’s time we channel our aggression.” Sis, the call came from inside your own house. Time to tidy up.

Reminder: in order for something to be “taken out of context,” the meaning has to change when you add context. Now release the fucking Epstein List and pass sensible gun reform and universal healthcare laws.

Those who laughed at folks being disappeared to torture prisons, who joked about immigrants being eaten alive by gators, who told trans people to kill themselves, who mocked people with disabilities, who embraced bigotry and cruelty, now want to lecture people about decency and compassion. Fuck you.

I have nothing kind to say about Charlie Kirk. He was a bigot who made millions selling hate and performative cruelty, and celebrated the very political violence that laid him low. That said, see below for what I think are actually productive thoughts.

No, you see, Trump was only diddling kids on Diddler Island to stop the diddlers. That’s why he said he wanted to fuck his daughter as many times as he did — he needed to stay in character. You can’t imagine the levels of 6,546,072-D chess he was playing here. Truly, a hero of the children.

I don’t believe that Donald Trump was part of the Epstein human trafficking ring. I believe that Donald Trump was the chief financier of the Epstein human trafficking ring. You don’t spend that much energy trying to hide your finances if you’re not trying to hide something insidious.

Pepperoni sourdough pizza toast. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Fuck Ashli Babbit, and fuck her memory. Giving her full military honors is like burying Stonewall Jackson at Arlington.

“tHe ShOoTeR wAs TrAnS! aNd LoOk At ThEsE sIx OtHeR sHoOtErS tHeY wErE tRaNs ToO!” Yep. She was. Now do the rest of ‘em. And while you’re at it, maybe think about how we could have not made it so easy for any of them, cis, trans, or enby, to get their hands on such lethal means in the first place.

We’ve hit that silly chapter of authoritarian takeovers where removing the authoritarian in charge only creates a power vacuum filled with sycophants-turned-wannabe petty kings. I’d cue the Benny Hill music if it all weren’t so fucking depressing.

The president of the United States is acting like a lifelong petulant man-brat who knows he’s dying and said, “Fuck it; how far can I take this?”

Apparently, double jeopardy don’t mean shit. #FreeKilmar

Reminder that the people who think that Donald Trump is a paragon of “family values” are the same folks who thought that “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder is a romantic song.

I hope he shits himself today. I hope it’s smelly, and it’s bulgy, and everyone knows it’s him.

PRESIDENT DONALD J TRUMP (VERY BAD!) IS A SCABHO AND A FRAUD!!!!!! HE DEPLOYS THE VERY BRAVE TROOPS OF THE NATIONAL GUARD (DESPITE HIS WEAK FOOTBONES) BECAUSE PEOPLE MADE FUN OF HIM. TJIS IS SAD LEADERSHIP FROM SUCH A SAD SMALL MAN LIKE LITTLE DONNIE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER. 🇺🇸

“White Americans, what? Nothing better to do Why don't you kick yourself out? You're an immigrant too” -Jack White

“I did not attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.” -Mark Twain #JamesDobson

Weird racists will brag about being white then hit the tanning bed.

Assuming that it’s true that Gaza is part of Israel, that only means that Israel is carpet bombing and starving their own people. Is that REALLY the stance you wanna take? Point is, there is absolutely no reasonable way to paint Israel as the good guy here.

“We need to teach civics in our country.” We do. You just slept through/skipped that class.

Rule 1: Nobody is immune to propaganda Rule 2: Nobody is immune to rule 1 Rule 3: You are included in rule 2, even if you think you aren't Rule 4: I am not immune from rule 3 just because I'm writing these rules out Rule 5: If you felt superior to me after reading rule 4, go back and read rule 3

There is no reasonable place for performative cruelty in a civilized society.

There’s supposed to be at least a small sliver of schadenfreude attached to an “I told you so.” Instead, this one gets more and more anxiefuripressing every goddamn day. People are being disappeared in broad daylight. And there’s a recruitment surge. People are volunteering to disappear people. 🤬

Y’all, bicycle cop is the most laughable job I can think of. If I really wanted to, I could easily take you down with a stick. It wouldn’t even have to be a necessarily big stick. Just a stick. What are you gonna do, restrain me with your freakishly large thighs? Fuckin dweebs.

I’m starting to think that Kim Davis is the reason why Kim Davis has been married four times. Then again, if my third husband became my baby daddy while I was married to my first husband, my ratchet ass would fake being a Christian, too. Ease up, Mary Skagdalene.

“Am I free to leave?” “I want to speak to a lawyer.”

The President of the United States - an alleged human trafficker and known close associate of multiple convicted human traffickers - is using the federal government to traffic humans. #25thAmendmentNOW

Yeah, no shit Ghislaine said that. She’s a coward who thinks that a favorable testimony will keep her alive. Now talk to the survivors and release the fucking list, goddamnit.

Normally, when a president’s public approval is bigly huge, that president doesn’t have temper tantrums on social media about how polls are rigged, and that president’s political party typically doesn’t scramble into an emergency mid-decade redistricting session in preparation for the midterms.

There’s been a lot of talk about Sydney Sweeney and the American Eagle ad, and a lot of people have a lot of opinions on the matter. If you ask me, the most interesting thing about the ad is that Trump is on the Epstein List.

To all of y’all who seem to believe that Trump is paying for the ballroom himself: If you’ll buy that, then I have an exciting real estate opportunity for you. It’s a beautiful property on the sunny beaches of Arizona, just a short drive away from some of the best snipe hunting on earth.

Friendly reminder that Desperate Housewives, Heinz EZ Squirt purple ketchup, the Wii U, Dungeons and Dragons 4E, and Ghostbusters cereal all lasted longer than the Confederacy. Also, day 9 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.

I’m starting to think that the spraytanned swamp monster might not actually be interested in draining the swamp. Also, day 8 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.

Trump cheating at golf and everyone just saying “well that’s just how he is” is the most apt way I can describe this presidency. Like, this is the mildest news story about him in the last seven months now. Also, it’s day 7 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.

Skydance CEO David Ellison promised to eliminate all U.S.-based DEI programs at Paramount and to create a new ombudsman to field complaints of ideological bias in news coverage. Also, it’s day 6 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.

“Limited immunity.” May they all rot in Hell.

Hulk Hogan died over 20 years ago when he went heel and joined NWO. Terry Bollea was a racist piece of shit. Also, it’s day 4 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.

President Donald J Trump is a feckless, gold-painted turd. And he has no sense of humor. Fuckin turd.

The “fuck your feelings” crowed are having a full-blown tantrum over a cartoon. Also, Day 3 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.

Day 2 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.

Day 1 of the #CongressShutdown, and #DonaldTrump is still on the #EpsteinList.