Hilarious to me that there’s an entire subreddit called r/whatismyeyecolor and it’s all people with the exact same color eyes that I have

Tried to relate to coworkers today by also saying I’d just paid the most I’ve ever paid at the gas station but discreetly not disclosing it was $38 so I don’t get pelted with tomatoes

God I love Taskmaster so much. If not for OFMD it would unquestionably be my favorite show. What a delight this cast is.

👀

sad to announce we have delayed this project by eighteen thousand years 😔 (See you all in two weeks!!!)

It’s almost time for the Capitol Frog Jump in Sacramento, as advertised here. #caleg

“Cocaine Salmon” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it

You’ve convinced me. We should get rid of AI *and* cars

We scored a big win today at work and I’m going to celebrate by sleeping for 10 hours.

On my way to the cafeteria the elevator opened on the 22nd floor and two colleagues got on. I immediately asked “did you attend the toaster oven ribbon cutting this morning?” And one went “oh my god, that’s why everyone had bagels…”

If you’re wondering what working in the public sector is like, this morning I saw a flyer advertising an event called “22nd Floor Toaster Ribbon Cutting”

if you buy this you go on a list of the most interminable dorks who have ever lived in the history of planet earth

Last night I went to a Boston University alumni panel featuring my friend and other alums who work on Pluribus. On the way there I drove by 2 of our 3 new D Line stations. They look so pretty even above ground and I am so so excited to help welcome you all to them on May 8!!

The universe is rewarding my 11-hour day with a particularly homoerotic Taskmaster. And considering what level this show is normally working with that’s saying something

lots of mixed emotions here but I’m glad this story is getting a conclusion. I just want to see them properly happy together at the end 🥲

The D Line Extension's Wilshire/Fairfax Station is right across the street! Opens May 8! www.nytimes.com/2026/04/14/a...

look how they’re massacring my hometown boys

Jesus was also famously weak on crime

Every day I hope that the tide will turn against our monsters. The people have turned but those with the power to do something have not yet. When they are all finally defeated, there will still be so much to do. But we should throw the biggest party possible first.

Happy JD Vance Humiliation Month to you too

I am rewatching Dr. Strangelove for the first time time since I picked “Gentlemen! You can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” as my senior quote.

Do not watch Sesame Street on Tubi with the subtitles on 😭. I swear, I didn't edit or add anything. Is it hilarious? Yes, but also, they need to fix this immediately. Absolutely incomprehensible and bad

Man I just paid my own personal non-reimburseable money to not sit in the last row middle seat. New Southwest system sucks.

THE FIRST EPISODE IS SO GOOD 😭

everybody shut up and look at my cute paper lantern

Taskmaster is back tomorrow so there’s at least one thing in the world to look forward to.

I am just so completely and totally in the center of this venn diagram I’m still in shock this exists

PSA: the LA Metro Ride the D shirt is back in stock!! And there are other cute options for my A, B, etc Line folks: shop.metro.net

My biggest influential eldest sibling flex is that my brothers went to the same college I did

This is not a sustainable way for the world to live. 2 weeks is enough time to impeach and remove.

I picked the wrong week to, no joke, start regularly monitoring my blood pressure.

trying to summon the will to get ready for work

He can, theoretically, be stopped. He could have been impeached already. He could have been taken out by the 25th amendment and I don’t give a fuck if you think that’s “unrealistic” as we are in uncharted waters. But the people who could stop it either actually support it or are too cowardly to try.

I understand the underlying argument here about turning body cam footage into content but I would have used different examples—it’s silly that the headline says it could be any of us: I simply avoid this specific situation by never drinking and driving. It’s very easy.

The problem with forcing yourself to be offline more is that eventually when you do get back online you end up still taking in all the horrors, just in fire hose form

my parents’ cat has discovered religion

My friends were on stage tonight at Paleyfest. That is so weird to say. I am so proud of them 🥲

The horse “I work very hard, and I would like to try cake” article is what tipped the scales for me. I already had my own subscription but now my mom will have one too.

I totally respect content warnings as a concept (hiding violence and adult content on here etc) but I will simply leave the internet before I warn someone about EYE CONTACT

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me. It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

The Stonewall Inn to the NYPD, 1969:

Last One Laughing has made me type sentences to my friends I never thought I would, like “David Mitchell and Sam Campbell have oddly strong sexual chemistry”

I need new meditation phrases, “maybe it’ll happen tomorrow” is not cutting it

Cackling at the second picture. Zero emissions!

Remembering the time my friend was for-real proposed to on April 1st and how chaotic it was to announce it to others afterwards

Slowly moving more life online and shifting it to be more artificial is just making the loneliness crisis worse. My college friends are still my closest friends in the world, nearly 20 years later. They’re the reason I moved to LA!