EXCLUSIVE: Sneak Peek at the Programme for Government

BREAKING: Clare Hotel Owner Announces Plan To Invade Greenland

The face you make when Simon Harris asks if preparing to play The Penguin involved spending time with real penguins.

Bono says the name 'Bono' is of Hebrew origin and means 'man who ignores injustice'.

An Apology. Earlier today we caused some upset by claiming that Bono's US Presidential Medal of Freedom is for services to Israel and Tax Avoidance. We apologise to those affected. There was of course no excuse for failing to mention that the medal is also for being a Tory.

Bono Awarded US Presidential Medal of Freedom for Services to Israel and Tax Avoidance

FOR SALE: One Brennans Sliced Bread Loaf. Willing to swap for a 3-bedroom-apartment in Dublin.

Bertie Ahern says his New Year’s resolution is to support the environment by encouraging people to send him money via Revolut instead of giving him brown envelopes.

Happy New Year to everyone from Cork! Thank you for laughing along and supporting this page over the past year. Here’s to a more equal, caring, and peaceful world in 2025 ❤️

Bono says his New Year's resolution is to spend more time pretending to care about injustice.

Ford's entire car stock in Ireland will be sold out by this time tomorrow.

Eamon Ryan says if aliens visit Earth in 2025, he would not rule out the Green Party going into coalition with them.

Great news - Star Trek wasn't wrong! I've just rewatched the episode and found the full quote.

BREAKING: RTÉ News Wins Israeli News Station of the Year

"As a boy growing up in Finglas, I was beaten up every day by the local Orangemen, Your Majesty."

BREAKING: Newly surfaced photo of Queen Elizabeth with Kneecap threatens to cause uproar in Orange Order.

Live scenes on Grafton Street as people wait for Bono to arrive:

Bertie Ahern says when he was a child, instead of presents, Santa used leave brown envelopes under the Christmas tree.

Many people are wondering about the exact time Bono will start his Christmas Eve busking on Grafton Street. While 8pm is the usual time, there’s a chance he could begin earlier, so the safest option to avoid upset is to leave Dublin City Centre by 6pm.

Dublin Airport confirms the queue outside Terminal 1 is actually for Dunnes Blanchardstown.

Live scenes as Zionists react to Irish people proudly adopting 'Paddystinian' as a badge of honour:

Irish people react to Israelis calling us Paddystinians:

This fake Dr Harold News picture has spread worldwide, with Reuters among the many who’ve made contact. For future reference, it’s easy to tell the photo isn’t real. Just examine the picture closely, and you’ll notice Robbie Keane is missing.

BREAKING: Israel Accuses Bosco Of Being Antisemitic

STATEMENT: Sometimes in comedy you put a foot wrong. Earlier today we joked about Israel's embassy closing, which has upset many Israel supporters. Upon careful reflection, we fully stand by our tweets and will continue calling out Israel until they stop killing Palestinians.

Bono Apologises To Netanyahu For Ireland's Actions Leading To Embassy Closure

LIVE PICTURES of Irish people gathering in Dublin to mourn Israel closing their embassy.

BREAKING: Alan Shatter has spontaneously combusted after hearing that Israel are closing their Irish embassy.

Irish People React To Israel Closing Dublin Embassy:

Simon Harris receives plenty of criticism, and while I don't support him personally, I think it's important to acknowledge and recognise the significant contribution he has made over the last month to damage Fine Gael. For that, he deserves our thanks.

Simon Harris says a red line for Fine Gael in any government formation talks is that Fionnán Sheahan retains his position as Propaganda Minister

"What do you mean it's too late to rejoin, Holly?"

I’m not a Green Party supporter, but their electoral wipeout should not be a cause for celebration. Remember, it's not just TDs who face losing their jobs. Thousands of Aer Lingus employees are sick with worry tonight that their airline might go bankrupt as a result.

Incredible to think that after he's eliminated, Stephen Donnelly will be able to wake up tomorrow morning and won’t need to take responsibility for anything. So no change there.

Very sad to see Alan Farrell lose his seat today. Despite suffering severe injuries in a 2015 car crash, for which he was suing for compensation, he displayed remarkable strength and resolve by climbing a ladder to personally hang his own posters - a true inspiration.

Bertie Ahern says the mistake The Monk made was not telling CAB he won his money on the horses.

When The Monk has been speaking for six hours straight, but you value your life too much to interrupt him:

The Monk on his first day in the Dáil:

Jennifer Carroll MacNeill says now that she's been elected, she will work hard to reduce energy costs. "Many of my constituents have been forced to lower the water temperature of their indoor swimming pools", she told reporters.

Hundreds queue outside Easons to buy brown envelopes following projections Fianna Fáil will win most seats.

Fianna Fáil will be hugely relieved to see Gráinne Seoige not win a seat. She was one of their harshest critics.

National Children's Hospital Builder Watching Reports That Stephen Donnelly Could Lose His Seat

Every Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil voter today:

BREAKING: Stephen Donnelly Quits Fianna Fáil To Establish New Political Party With Gerard Hutch

BREAKING: Ireland Loses General Election

BREAKING: John McGahon Removed From Louth Polling Station For Punching Returning Officer

BREAKING: Simon Harris makes final appeal to voters before polls open. "Vote for Fine Gael or John McGahon will punch you in the face"

Simon Harris says that young Irish people refusing to come home from Australia will receive a punch in the mouth from John McGahon.

"He was never found guilty of assaulting anyone in a criminal court." Simon Harris says that, in principle, there would be no barrier to stop Adolf Hitler standing for Fine Gael.

"Fine Gael is the party of law and order, and anyone who disputes that will get a punch in the head from John McGahon." #leadersdebate