All the comments adoptees constantly get pushing back when we demand our rights, proves adoption is about ownership not child welfare. #adopteerights

The ‘adoption is beautiful’ narrative assumes the child gets a ‘good’ family but many adopters divorce, have mental health and addiction problems, and many are abusive just like the rest of the population. They’re assumed to be ‘good’ because they’re religious but that’s not true. #adopteevoices

Hurt people don’t hurt people - perpetrators do. #respectsurvivors

“Far too often, survivors are met not with compassion, but with correction — from friends who don’t understand, from family who feel uncomfortable with the truth, from therapists who miss the mark, from a justice system built to protect power.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Many adoption agencies are religious based and many adopters are religious leading to religious trauma for many adoptees.

In 3rd grade I was terrified by the rapture video from church. The daughter was taken, the mom was ‘left behind’. I didn’t know at the time that I was adopted and that had literally happened to me at my birth. I was taken she was left behind. No wonder it terrified me and I remember it 50 yrs later.

No one had the right to keep my original birth certificate from me - not my mother, father, adoptive parents, or state. It doesn’t matter who is ‘okay’ with me having it - it’s MY birth certificate and my right to have. States need to unseal adoptee records. #adopteerights

“You deserve to have people in your life who add peace, not conflict. You deserve to discover and protect your peace in the way that works for you.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

I found my mother when she was 79 years old. She’s thought about me since I was born and she’s looked for me since I was 18. I lived my life without her, and she lived a life of pain all because of a society that that shamed unwed pregnant women and a corrupt adoption industry.

I’m so grateful I found my mom. I know many adoptees don’t get that chance. But it hurts so much that I missed so much time with her and she had so much pain all those years. That this is still happening and people call it ‘beautiful’ makes me so angry. #adopteevoices #nomore

No one has the right to give a baby as a ‘gift’. A parent can ask for another person to care for their child, but they can’t ’gift’ them and no one has the right to change that child’s identity. #adopteevoices

Uncomfortable adoption truths: I wasn’t chosen - I was the next baby born. They weren’t chosen for me - they were the next file to be opened. That’s how strangers became my family and my family became strangers. #adopteevoices

My dad that I met 11 months ago got my original birth certificate for me. I told him you can’t get it in California but he refused to accept that. He is a resident of California and he researched and filed a petition and shockingly got a court order granting it. #adopteevoices

I’m holding my original birth certificate for the first time. I’m 59 and this is the first time I’ve seen it. I can’t tell you what this means to me and I’m so upset I didn’t have this all along. A birth certificate should never be changed. #adopteevoices

Most infant adoptions do not happen because the child is not wanted or because of safety reasons but because we don’t have a system that supports mothers and children. Remember that the next time you see a ‘heartwarming’ adoption story. #adopteevoices

My state erased my mother’s name from my birth certificate and put in another woman’s name as if she had given birth to me. They erased my father’s name and put in another man’s name as if his DNA created me. This allowed me to be lied to my entire life. All of this is so wrong. #adopteevoices

Every person has the right to an actual record of their birth. It’s unconscionable that the state can change this record. #adopteevoices

I didn’t need a new mother. I needed my mother to have support. #adopteevoices open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Getting to spend some time with my mother after being separated for 59 years, I realized that I didn’t need to get to know her, I just needed to remember her. She is a part of me and always has been. #adopteevoices

“A decision made when I was a baby did not mean I needed to be severed from my family forever. It certainly did not mean they should’ve been erased from my existence. That’s not love. That’s not caring for a child.” #adopteevoices open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

For me, adoption was not ‘beautiful’ - it stole my life and caused a lifetime of pain for me and my mother. #adopteevoices

“Your worth is not up for debate. Your dignity is not something anyone else gets to give or take away.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

“Abuse by a stranger is terrible, but abuse by a parent, partner, or relative should be considered more heinous - not more excusable.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

My mom was coerced into signing away her rights to me but I didn’t sign away my rights to her, my family, or my identity. #adopteevoices

What adoption does for too many is permanently trap them in a family they don’t belong with. #adopteevoices

There’s no place like home. Many adoptees never get to experience that feeling. #adopteevoices

My mom always looked for me and never gave up. It took me 58 years but I found my way home. #adopteevoices

“So many survivors spend too much of their lives blaming themselves for the harm they endured. But here’s the truth: you were hurt because someone chose to hurt you. Not because of who you were, what you wore, how you behaved, or what you didn’t know.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

There’s not much worse than feeling trapped - in a relationship, job, financially. The best support is helping them find freedom. #supportsurvivors

Being given the chance to spend time in my mother’s home and be with her, feels like a big warm hug and my nervous system that was activated when I was taken from her 59 years ago is finally able rest. #adopteevoices

“So often, survivors are told how they should feel, act, or heal—but the truth is, no one has lived your exact experience. That makes you the expert in your own story.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Adoptees are forced to be grateful for basic things everybody else takes for granted - seeing their actual birth certificate, knowing their mother’s name, being in their family home. None of this is okay and all of it needs to change. #adopteevoices

Having met my family, I know now how detrimental adoption was for me, and that got passed down to my children. But hopefully that cycle stops now. #adopteevoices

Survivors don’t need more pressure to be faithful, resilient, courageous, or strong. They already are all of those things—just by surviving and existing after what they’ve been through. What they need isn’t another sermon or cliché, but real, tangible support. open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

My life completely changed a year ago when I found my family. It’s been like adding color to everything that was once a black hole. I would’ve never dreamed that at 59 all this color would’ve come into my life. #adopteevoices

Watching all those incredible women speak yesterday and thinking about this quote from the Nassar sentencing… #ListenToSurvivors

“The truth is, you don’t owe anyone anything. Not your healing on their timeline, not your story for their comfort, not your energy for their expectations. What the world owes you is support.” #supportsurvivors #youmatter #survivorvoices open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

“Our society has lowered the bar so far that simply being told, “I don’t think you’re lying” is treated as if it’s an extraordinary kindness. But the truth is, that’s not compassion. That’s not justice. It’s the absolute bare minimum a survivor should receive.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

“If you were injured in a car wreck, no one would weigh whether or not to believe you. No one would say, “I believe you,” as though they had to make a choice. Abuse and trauma are no different. You were hurt, and that reality should never be up for debate” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Uniquely adoptee experience: feeling like finding out your mother’s name is one of the great triumphs of your life. #adopteevoices

A lot of people really still believe this but I rarely see organizations fighting to end child abuse address it. If we want to end child abuse - child abuse has to be illegal. #believeprotectdefend

Adoptees are frequently given to religious families which is why so many adoptees - and their children - are deconstructing religious trauma. #adoptiontrauma #religioustrauma

Wow, people really still believe this shit…

“Somewhere along the way forgiveness wrongfully became synonymous with being “healed' and a person that hadn't forgiven became more dangerous than the abuser. Who used this to their advantage? Perpetrators.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

We don’t have an anxious generation and a mental health epidemic because of cell phones. We have a generation that had their traumas minimized, stigmatized, and they live with fear in places they were told were safe.

At some point people gave up on holding perpetrators accountable and ‘prevention’ became about putting it on the backs of survivors to thwart perpetrators. This only lead to victim blaming and perpetrators being left free to harm.

I think what so many get wrong about deciding to start a family or become a mother or father - is that it’s not about you. It’s not about you becoming a family or mother/father. It’s about the child becoming a human being. It’s not about you - it’s about them.

There’s a really simple reason people support perpetrators instead of survivors - it’s easier. open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Ending remote work options is about control. #workplacecoercivecontrol #workplaceabuse

Abusers twist everything to their advantage. We watch it happen daily. #perpetrator101 open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...