We are all donor conceived. We are all here because of two people’s genetics created us. Who that donor is may not matter to the people just wanting a baby but it matters a lot to the human being created. The ‘donation’ is to the human being - not the parents. #adopteevoices

I always wanted a big close family that did things together. I now know the family I always wanted was the family I was taken from. Don’t tell a mother her child will be better off without her - you don’t know that and many of us are not. #adoteevoices

“Many abusers—especially those who weaponize faith—use forgiveness as a tool of control. They demand it to silence, shame, and further manipulate survivors. Many abusers use faith to harm and manipulate. In that case, it is for them and they use it to abuse.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Christmas is only one day and you don’t have to tolerate bad treatment for even one day from anyone. #selfcare

Why are all the messages about dreading being with family at Christmas directed at survivors on how to ‘change their perspective’ to tolerate the intolerable instead of messages to family to stop being shitty and stand up for survivor? #supportsurvivors

Trauma is exhausting. Fighting for basic dignity is exhausting. Survivors aren’t weak - they’re exhausted. #respectsurvivors

So many survivors are literally hanging on by a very small thread. What they need most is to have pressure taken off - make sure whatever support you’re offering them is doing that instead of actually adding to the pressure. #HolidaySeason

So many survivors are literally hanging on by a very small thread. What they need most is to have pressure taken off - make sure whatever support you’re offering them is doing that instead of actually adding to the pressure. #HolidaySeason

The only reason adoptees are having to search for their biological parents is because our states violated our human rights and falsified our birth records. #adopteerights #humanrights #vitalrecords

Hiding a child’s identity from them is child abuse. #adopteerights #childrights

Adoptees not only have the right to their identity, history, and medical information but no one ever had the right to take it from them in the first place. #humanrights #adopteerights

You’re not blessing a survivor of abuse by giving them a turkey or Christmas presents - you bless them by holding their perpetrator accountable and restoring the survivor financially so they can take of their family and live free from fear.

“Make sure the survivor knows the holidays are indescribably better because they are with you.” #holidayseason #supportsurvivors open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

You don’t solve women having their rights taken away by supporting the industry preying on women and taking their rights away. #womensrights #adoptiontrauma

People supporting closed adoption as a solution to women losing their rights are missing the fact that adoption is the 25 billion dollar industry that is supporting ‘prolife’ and high control religion’s agendas that are taking away women’s rights. #womensrights #adoptionswareness

“For too many survivors, the holidays they may have once loved become what they dread the most. Why? Because, like every other time of the year, too many of the messages survivors get during the holidays are filled with guilt, shame, and victim blaming.” #holiday open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

Daily reminder: Whatever you’ve been told a perpetrator has done is probably only a small fraction of what they’ve actually done. #perpetrator101 #listentosurvivors

“The abuser knows the harm they’re causing. They know how much pain their victim is feeling because of them and they’re not ashamed of it - they’re proud of it.” open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

What so many people get wrong about wanting to have a child is they make it about them becoming parents. It’s not. It’s about bringing a human being into the world. Making it about the parents and not the child is missing the most crucial part of being a parent.

💯 Also. The "would you rather" interrogative questions fall even more flat for those of us who were abused/neglected within our adoptive families- which is so many of us. Attachment research is not so ambiguous on which one of those situations is "better" for the child, actually.

This. What would be so wrong with caring about children ànd family to the point where we actually provide resources that create healthy communities? That actually allow families to stay together? Substitute care could be very rare. Instead we encourage the creation of trauma #adoption #adopted

If you donate your eggs you’re not ‘donating’ them to the parents. The donation is to the child and is how we are all created. It’s about the child not the parent. It’s about that human being’s life and rights not the parents. #humanrights

When an adoptees explains the trauma of adoption people always say “would you rather” and then lists every awful thing, but no one considers we would rather have been with our mother that was likely coerced into this and told we were better off without her. #adopteevoices

No one gets to arbitrarily decide who someone’s parents are. They can decide who should care for a child while they need care but you can’t change someone’s identity - that’s their human right. #adopteerights #HumanRights

It’s abuse to withhold a child’s identity from them. No one’s rights supersedes the child’s right to know who they are. #childrights #HumanRights

People always say they gave you away to have a better life, but the life I wanted was the one with my family. #adoptionistrauma

You shouldn’t have to meet your mom. #adoptionistrauma

I’ve had one of the most incredible years of my life - I met my mom and I went home. But it was also one of the most difficult years because I know now how much I lost. I’ve also realized how much trauma and lies there have been I didn’t even recognize. #adoptionistrauma

Someone that enjoys being cruel and laughs at other people’s pain - is dangerous.

People always say ‘hurt people, hurt people’ but who really hurts people? People that have already been violent and those are the people least held accountable that leads to preventable tragedies in domestic abuse cases. #domesticabuse

We don’t have an anxious generation and a mental health epidemic because of cell phones. We have a generation that had their traumas minimized, stigmatized, and they live with fear in places they were told were safe.

It’s very telling how quickly adoption supporters go from “she loved you so much she gave you away to have a better life” to when the adoptee wants to find their mother “She gave you. She didn’t want you. She abandoned you.” #adopteevoices

Some of the nastiest comments from adoption supporters are frequently from people that have a Bible verse in their profile. That’s why so many adoptees deal with religious trauma and why if you’re deconstructing high control religions, you need to be deconstructing adoption too. #adopteevoices

For me, I don’t need the people in my life to help me ‘heal’ ‘recover’ or ‘move on’. I need them to respect my pain, honor my grief, and just live with me today in whatever that looks like.

Looking through old photos today and it’s shocking to me how differently I look at pictures of myself and my kids now that I have found my family. I see my mom in all of us. Mirroring is a real thing. It’s not okay to erase a person’s identity and family. #adopteerights

I’m devastated I lived my whole life without my mother. I’m also devastated that my children grew up without her. We all missed so much not having her in our lives. If I’d been given the information to find her when she looked for me at 18 it would’ve changed all of our lives. #adopteevoices

Adoption is completely changing someone’s life. No one has the right to do that. A child needing care when they are born or their family needing support does not mean the child’s entire life should be changed. #adoptionistrauma #HumanRights

If I could pick a word I never wanted to hear again one of them would definitely be ‘forgiveness’ #nomore

People always say “she chose adoption so her child could have a better life” But if that’s the standard then why aren’t all parents lining up to do the same? There’s always someone that could give your child a better life, right? Why isn’t everyone held to this standard? #adoptionistrauma

If a mother tragically dies in child birth everyone knows how much that baby will miss its mother and how much trauma there will be for that child. But babies are taken from their mothers and handed to strangers in adoption without a second thought and told love is all they need. #adoptionistrauma

Perpetrators observe what other abusers do, say, and get away with, and use it as a training manual. Right now those manuals are filling up quickly. #perpetrator101

People always say, “it’s a family thing” as if it’s not that serious - but it should be the opposite. Someone that would harm their own family member should show just how very dangerous they actually are.

2025 will be the year I met my mom and found myself. #adopteevoices open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

“You deserve connection, inclusion, and love that doesn't depend on your healing pace. The right people will never treat your pain like a problem. They’ll remind you, again and again, that you belong, exactly as you are.” #holidaysupport open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...

You don’t have to reach out to an abusive family member because they are sick. Abusers do not suddenly change due to illness or age. Most abuse to the bitter end and will even use their death as one more chance to manipulate, abuse, and avoid accountability. #stopvictimshaming

No child should be with an abusive parent. Adoption is not necessary to make that happen. In fact many children are abused in adoptive homes. Adoption is not child welfare. #childabuseprevention

Adoption is the money maker for prolife and high control religions yet adoption is universally thought of as beautiful. Adoption is a 25 billion dollar industry that preys on mothers in crisis and supports taking away women’s and children’s rights. #adoptionistrauma

Once you watch a happy adoption video and realize you’re watching the handmaids tale, you can’t unsee it. #adoptionistrauma #humanrights

I didn’t even know my mother existed for the first 20 years of my life. I didn’t find her until I was 58. #adoptionistrauma

“Her birth mother chose us to be her parents” is a human rights violation. “Her mother asked us to step in and care for her child as long as needed.” Is child welfare. One is about ownership. One is about caring for a child. #adoptionistrauma