toxic acquaintance texted me he got dumped cause he forgot to buy tickets to go to his girlfriend’s mom’s wedding after stopping her from buying them cause he’s “got it” so i sent him this with three exclamation points and he blocked me

pics of my totally not last minute princess bubblegum costume i entirely forgot to post on actual halloween (my gf made the crown in like ten minutes 🥹)

had a dream where i got cursed to be a straight woman stuck in korea and cried

my psych ward wife had an autoimmune disease and got cut by a dirty table resulting in an amputation risk bc they refused to take her to the ICU so i helped her write anti hospital poetry w our squiggly pens and she offered me a job at her firm and spot in her martiage 🙂‍↕️

need to go to a lesbian club and find another white girl to fumble me

people would like doctors more if they were actually accessible (not exactly their fault) and if their ego stopped suffocating every person in the hundred mile radius (def their fault)

😭

what i fucking get for putting on leggings 🙃

my friend faked orgasms for two years because her boyfriend called her skinny and she finally told him during a bad breakup but bro’s ego didn’t believe her until he got pegged and accepted his form was mid

providing my gf my exclamation point scar thumbs up for good luck ^ - ^

whenever my gf wants me to treat myself better she’ll talk ab how i have to do things right to model it for our kids kindly and lovingly and my depression caves and it’s so unfair and i love her 😭

met up w my ex and i went to hug her and she immediately raised her arm just to watch me flinch i feel so seen 🥹

finance bro went to a philosophy mixer in college found out my fam was indigenous and went to my office hours to ask ab ayahuasca

friend reminded me it was moot’s bday so i started recording all of us singing happy birthday but nobody else sang so i motioned them to join me like a conductor as they just stared bc it wasn’t actually moot’s birthday as i was informed after sending it 🙃

asked my butch how she’d feel if i suddenly became attracted to men and she had a panic attack

manager at my last customer service job went on a rant ab how he’d never serve a queer person so i said i was queer and bro never spoke to me again then i got sat down bc my lack of smiling was “unfit” for the customer experience 🙃

hey wanna recreate a hallmark movie where ur going home to your somehow walkable american town and fall in love w the local bachelor except it’s a tomboy lesbian

got a taste of domming my dashing gf capable of crushing my skull in her hand from the bottom and showing her what purpose is , seeking research grant 🙂‍↕️

sorry to whom ever it was i accidentally called during sex for two hours but also you didn’t hang up so 😅

she just started playing them in a corner it’s so cute 🥹

at the station some conservative zoomer doing that little tate cock stance like chest forward, shoulders back , assess inverted just grAB-pulls me , ‘catching’ me in his arms only to talk ab daniel penny and point out an “alien” threat thx for helping me find my cousin bro 🙃

i dreamt my tummy hurt then i got up and my tummy hurt but it’s okay bc billionaires are mortal too 🙂‍↕️

gf reached to grab my cucumbers so i, naturally, made a “woOOOSH” sound as i shifted the cukes to their new spot (like a latias) and got all :3 until she just ignored me then glared and said “aww, it’s sad i stopped playing its game. i’ll play a bit” and pity-reached for it i 😭

love how writers will just throw in an apostrophe to make anything feel ancient like oh shit that’s not john from work that’s ja’ahn from chi’cago in his sh’orts

my gf came up to the bed sweetly asking if i wanted to get up and i was like omg ye in a min !! at which point she called me a good girl and clicKERED me ?? how fucking DARE 😭😭

white woman rues not paying attention in spanish now that she rooms w a tomboy latina getting clowned on bc she “should have known what taste was sooner”

my girlfriend’s girlfriend got taken on a walk by her roommate who asked her boyfriend to ask if i could moan quieter goodbye 🥹

*runs into you in the dark at 3 am so hard your shit fucks you from the inertia* sorry i was looking for my bag cheese

gf went to go shower without me i think she wants a divorce

my butch got formal 🙂‍↕️

LET’SFUCKINGGO my gf finally agreed to let us get two girl hedgehogs and name them shadow and maria unless one dies first then that one is maria ☺️

yeah i’m pro ship i ship myself with my girlfriend

no idea what i was cooking here but knowing kelly i stand by it

tech bros will habanero spearmint super suction elon musk to the bone and this is not gay and super important bc of his supposed genius like, ?? there’s furries all around you ???

my gf’s gf was talking ab how her meds hit like “a weed” and we all giggled and smiled it’s really cool to be so close w somebody i’d have charged the cracker tax 🙂‍↕️

got up sweating and it was either thicc sweater or this dress so i was like bet i’ll simply wear the lil cotton dress and sleep at normal human temperatures only to wake up to my g spot getting ground like fresh masa and beholding my gf who just hits me w “curves 🥺”

i got sO EXCITED cause i organized the cucumbers perfectly that i sprant w the bowl to my gf and told her i’d achieved achieved the maximum possible marination optimization arrangement and people started belly laughing ?? my forehead got kissed??? i just wanted flavorful cucs 😭

call me a poacher the way i bag cougars

butch hit me w the baron harkonnen stare going “my femme”

i have realized i misprocessed audio when engaging with my roommate’s incest kink as it was, in fact , a *princess* kink

bad bunny is my childhood dream artist his music is the perfect mix of bangers from holidays w the familia and cosmo sheldrake and trap (like me)

i said my bad g and my g said “yeah ur bad” i gotta kms

hey babe! could you do me a favor? now that ur done pursuing me and i’m, like , officially your gf (omg!!) could you maybe just lmk when you stop caring just so i don’t have guess haha like it’s okay if not !! no worries lol ^ - ^

social services lady helping me w my situation by calling her queer friend who knows what to do bc he “may not be trans but he’s a bottom” i ?? 😭

AIGHT BRO DAMN 😭

shoutout to trans women in engineering for navigating emotional labor with the communications skills of a STEM major

i think it’s hot that my gf will say gm by concussing me into the baseboard as i sleepily protest being cuffed but less hot that i get so tight i tenderize dicks like i’m extracting the last bit of toothpaste

this is pretty much how i developed confidence after catholic school

headed to board game night w my gf’s friend who heard she was bringing clover and recognized me from “the posts” goodbye 🙂‍↕️

“we’re watching the monsters” “mamá it’s just monsters there’s no ‘the’” *snaps head at me* “i want to say the ‘the,’ do not limit me” yes ma’am sorry ma’am 🫡