One thing I don’t miss about New Orleans is how frequently circus performers compared their work to mine as a therapist.

Sister Wives is so crazy the man just seriously suggested they build a storage barn on their property that his first wife whom he hates can live in.

It is discriminatory that chihuahuas are not allowed on the labor and delivery ward.

People on pregnancy reddit need to stop referring to first time moms as FTM. Every time I assume it is a pregnant trans man.

The best places to get praise and attention as a pregnant woman are a Jewish deli and HomeGoods. Wow, I feel ALIVE!

People assume certain things about my class because I have an innate elegance and glamour, but what they don’t know is that all 5 of my brothers have naked lady tattoos.

Learning the hard way that my mom does not know the difference between breadcrumbs and croutons.

Was it a mental breakdown, or a mental breakthrough?

There has got to be a foot fetishist on the production team of Survivor designing these challenges. #survivor

Wait, is Heather Gay an important voice in journalism? Why am I crying at her Mormonism show?

If you are trying to lure me into a death trap just put an “Estate Sale This Way” sign up and wait for me.

I need to figure out which of my coworkers donated a bunch of Werther’s Originals to the thanksgiving food drive.

I should not be allowed to listen to Paula Cole radio in public at 8 months pregnant.

If you train a dog to be a police dog you deserve the death penalty!! Dogs do not deserve to be implicated in your evil business!!

I accidentally watch 5 minutes of Wheel of Fortune every night before Jeopardy and whereas I could tell Pat Sajak had nothing but contempt for the contestants I can tell Ryan Seacrest genuinely wants them to win and wishes to nurture their dreams. A true professional.

I have thrown up at the movie theater at least 4 times during this pregnancy. I love being me.

I should be able to write Tums off on my taxes.

I am a conscientious objector to the concept of Tate McCrae.

Bring back honey mustard!

I can’t believe I was body shamed at the Ren Faire.

Working on having hard conversations with my husband (such as how to tell him I have started The Boulet Brother’s Dragula Titans.)

I figured out what will finally make your exes stop texting you and it is being pregnant.

I know I would be a good wife to Ed Sheeran. I am not a fan but I just know. He would thank me for emptying the dishwasher.

Stop talking about soup!!!! It is so wet, so heavy, so sloshing. Enough!

I somehow blame Trump for how bad The Life of A Showgirl is.

With Task and Mare of Easttown Pennsylvania dialect coaches must be making a killing!

Mark Ruffalo is the busiest man in Hollywood. He must have such debts to pay.

I am finally watching The Summer I Turned Pretty season 3 and all I can say is I am NOT team belly, this girl is dumb as a rock.

Ready to cry top to bottom watching the Lilith Fair doc.

I love knowing my baby can hear in the womb so she will be all caught up on the Housewives’ drama when she is born.

I would like to salute whoever designed the UPS uniform for the female gaze.

People loveeeeee posting the most disgusting looking food on here it’s amazing.

We need Kirby from Australian Survivor on The Traitors!

I love my peaceful sexy life in the woods. Woke up to pee in the night and heard the haunting call of the majestic owl.

I’m happy the barkeeper has a friend.

I have always been an ally, but now that I have to take Metamucil? Wow, new empathy for the Gay Guy Community.

Has Sufjan Stevens ever said anything about liking or disliking Taylor Swift? I need to know.

One day you become the kind of person who doses your elderly Chihuahua with a homemade chaga mushroom elixer. Life comes at you fast.

Do you think Rihanna and Eminem stay in touch?

Women who claim to feel sooooooo sexy while pregnant are malignant LIARS.

Reading people’s letterboxd reviews of Weapons and wow some of you are such boring losers who do not get it.

Something I miss about New Orleans is the possibility of hearing a bounce remix of hozier at any moment.

Katy Perry on Drag Race is so charmless it is making me hate her even more!!

I could look at pictures of Old English Sheepdogs all day!!

People don’t really talk about scrod anymore.

I’m addicted to pills! (Tums)

I hope my baby can hear me absolutely destroying jeopardy in utero.

Being in love will really have you shopping for formal wear at Boot Barn.

A strange element of Rhode Island culture is how much we ride for our airport.

I just know Sigmund Freud would have so much to say about my complex relationship to the dentist.