What coincidence! “Love” is what I named my machete!

wotticedis !

I saw an older woman defending Eric Adams, simply because he’s a Black man, and she thinks we should support him for that alone. They gotta let that representation shit GO!

I almost got T-boned twice in the same night by one person blowing a light, and another blowing a stop sign. The only reason I didn’t get hit, was because I was driving slow enough to stop quickly. They didn’t even slow down.

It might be worth logging in just for this

I just went to take my earrings out for bed, and they’re both gone. 😢 I have no idea when or where I lost them.

My son was crying in the bath while I was washing his hair and a big piece of chicken fell out of his mouth but he had finished dinner like 30 minutes before the bath. He just had chicken saved in his mouth??

Not at all. I’d choose the same person if I had to do it again.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I need this in slow motion. He loosened that man’s spine!

My son put his feet up on the table after eating dinner and shit out the side of his pull-up and never even looked up from his iPad.

I—

I wonder how much hookah he smoked today

Somebody quoted this with “When you wish a nigga would” and I can’t stop laughing 😭😭😭

I pick Parliament because maybe they’re too high to fight, and I strongly believe that every member of the Isley Brothers carries a blade.

I told my husband that he’s not sore from the gym, I beat him at night while he’s sleeping. He can’t tell if I’m lying or not.

Bye bye sportsball!

A woman started talking to me while our kids were bouncing in a bounce house. She noticed that my son was bouncing while covering his ears, and asked if loud noise bothers him. I said yes. She asked if he was autistic. I said yes. (1/5)

cool they made a condiment for when you've completely given the fuck up

Who the fuck is “them”??? It was one of yall!!!!

I can’t figure out what to do with my hair for comic con. I’m wearing wigs for two of the days, so I need to braid it down or something, but what do I do the first and 4th day? Husband says I should just wear a wig every day.

That video reminds me of when my son was sad that he couldn’t play trumpet with the Revive Big Band at their Tiny Desk concert, so when they were done, Igmar pretended to solo with him.

Awww, the city of brotherly love 🥹

I have the ebook and audiobook but it’s a fave, so I had to get the hardcover.

I just mixed spiced apple cider, bourbon, and champagne. It was fantastic.

She had time to make a video in which she says she doesn’t have time to shower.

I need a cash windfall 🙏🏾

Upcoming #32sDay schedule! youtube.com/@athousandey...

I’m watching War of the Worlds and this whole shit is on Zoom lmao

Get inspired!?! 🫤

Not one. I just do what works for me. I’ve definitely seen marriages that I want to avoid modeling after though!

They should get to hit them! With belts!

Estheticians gotta start beating these filthy motherfuckers up.

Costco, Homegoods/Marshalls, Trader Joe’s, Target(RIP) are my go-tos. I will wander while listening to an audiobook.

She should’ve beat her up!

If they had to ask me to go clean myself, I’d quietly pay and leave and they’d never see me again. I wouldn’t get waxed again in the same COUNTY.

This is so crazy to me. Why would they show someone their dirty muff??? They don’t feel shame???

"I had that shit on, didn't I?!"

I don’t particularly like my food touching. It depends on the food. I don’t want greens to touch anything unless it’s something with a gravy that mixing with it.

I just spent a whole hour in bed with everyone thinking I’m asleep. As soon as I opened my door, I mean immediately, my son was standing in front of me talking. And that’s why I spent an hour pretending to be asleep.

Why is this so fucking funny 😂😂😂😂

I can’t believe I never thought to put incense in my jack o lantern before. It looks so cool.

This is me and I definitely look into everyone’s windows when I’m walking down the street. Turn my head all the way and everything.

I’d do this if I had a house

I got blackout supplies a few months ago and while I do not wish for a blackout, I really want to use them.

Having to take a flight and leave my family to listen to the words of a drunkard would be enough for a foreign power to recruit me.

Still thinking about streaming D&D. Still trying to figure out what that would look like exactly. Do we take suggestions from the comments? Premade characters? How long should we play? Our games usually run 2-4 hours.

I get a DM from a bot every time I get blocked

I’m really tired of it being 80 degrees. I’m ready to wear hoodies!