“We’re also purchasing 30 new and modified Abrams tanks. Named in honor of Stacey Abrams…” Wut?

“The new battleship we have, which I helped design, I want that ship to look gorgeous. Forget about stealth. They design ugly ships for stealth.” So… gold leaf and gaudy Trump signage. Maybe just paint a target on them and lots of flashing lights.

“Your 401k’s are doing very well. I don’t have to ask you.” Dear Leader addressing a captive audience of soldiers ordered to attend - none of whom have 401k’s.

British coroners have determined that Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny had been exposed to dart frog toxins. Because everyone knows how endemic poisonous dart frogs are in and around Siberian gulags. 🐸

“We’ve basically stopped all windmills in this country.” Ok, Don Quixote, time for your nap and that diaper needs airing out…

It’s almost like being in the Trumpstein Files is a prerequisite for joining this cabal.

“We are coming out of the Biden years where they declared war on cattle. How crazy, a cow burping is causing climate change and therefore we must get rid of cattle. This is gonna take a minute to fix.” WaR oN cATtLe! 🐮

Before people get too excited about Massie - he voted for the horrible voter suppression bill. We can still, however, enjoy him being a thorn in Mango Mussolini’s side. 🫣

Seems Cosplay Noem and her boytoy Corey had to switch planes after her brand new, tricked out 737 developed mechanical issues. Sadly, the Coast Guard pilot neglected to bring her favorite blanket to the new plane so she fired him - then reinstated him due to no other pilot being available…

I mean, has anyone ever accused Looney of being an actual human? 🤪

“We’re the only country in the world that has mail in ballots.” Well, ok, “only” if you exclude the 40-odd other, mostly industrialized, countries that vote by mail.

“Thomas Edison - the man who lit the world. Did you know that?” He’s like an annoying toddler desperate to share something he learned but never getting it quite right… 😜

“I was recently in Europe. Those beautiful scenic areas, they put up wind turbines all over the place. They are chugging, chugging, chugging… I wonder why they don’t like me over there.” We don’t like you over here either. 🤷‍♂️

Lee Zeldin’s EPA has declared CO2, methane, and other greenhouse gases perfectly safe and removed all regulations on them. “CO2 was never a pollutant. When we breathe, we emit CO2. Plants need CO2 to survive. They thrive with more CO2.” - Inferior Secretary Burgum Brawndo, it’s what plants crave.

“We can grow at 15%” “15 is a big number.” “We used to grow at 15% when we were starting as a country. We were growing because we had the right incentives. Today we have a lot of socialism.” Incentives = Socialism And, no, except under extreme crash/boom cycles 15% isn’t common or sustainable.

“Their policies are so unpopular, they are refuted and repudiated at the ballot box over and over…” Ummm, mikey, you might want to look at every single election in the last year and rethink that talking point.

“You have the right to protest in the streets but that doesn’t give you the right to go into the Capitol and disrupt Congress…” RIP Irony 🪦

“Why have you not indicted any of Epstein’s clients?” “The Dow is over 50k right now. The NASDAQ is smashing records. That’s what we should be talking about!” A moment of honesty from Barrister Barbie that they don’t really care about kids or abuse.

The cause of the airspace closure around El Paso has been identified. Plastered Pete Hagueseth was responding to an incoming foreign threat and activated anti drone defenses. He shot down and destroyed a party balloon. 🎈

“I was walking on my street, a car drives by and I give him a wave. He rolls down the window and says, ‘FU fascist.’ He doesn’t know I’m a fascist.” “Yes, he does.” And no one believes Jesse randomly waves at strangers.

Gaslighting 101 from the Secretary of Oligarchs. The dollar has been sliding in value all year and 2025 was the worst year for the dollar since 2017….

Trump’s name appears over a million times in the portion of the files released to Congress. “We’re moving on from that.”

Secretary RealWorld abruptly shut down El Paso airspace for 10 days with no explanation - disrupting air travel nationwide. The ban, which labeled violators an “imminent security threat,” was lifted a few hours later - the cause a miscommunication between the FAA and Plastered Pete Hagueseth.

“Trump lets me do stuff that I don’t think anyone else would ever let me do.” That’s because fully functioning adults are typically in charge and wouldn’t countenance your dangerous delusions.

Building on her ever expanding list of prosecutorial failures, Judge Pinot Grigio has been rebuffed in her attempt to indict 6 congressional Democrats for reminding service members they can decline illegal orders. Fortunately, this will free up her time to find moar gaudily bedazzled shoes.

This guy… 🤣

In a rare moment of bipartisan solidarity, Republican governors have declined the traditional invitation to the White House during their annual gathering after Trump refused to include Democratic governors.

Buried in this deeply unhinged and delusional rant is the claim, yet again, that somehow China is going to end “ice hockey” in Canada and, for reasons never fully articulated, eliminate the Stanley Cup. 🤷‍♂️

Anyone with even a modicum of an understanding of history will recall the result of demanding ideological purity and conformity on the Soviet military. The rigidity and decimation of their ranks nearly brought them to disaster in 1941 during Operation Barbarossa.

Real ‘Mericuhns are like Senator Skeletor and defraud the government for billions - costing taxpayers money and lives.

- The US government doesn’t fund or control the Olympic team. - He didn’t say he “doesn’t represent” our country. He said he “doesn’t represent” your policies. - Quit being a petulant baby with an overflowing diaper.

He’s also the guy who brought his own food. To Italy. 🙄

It’s the flag of Saudi Arabia and they’re flying the flags of dozens of nations from around the globe. But why let facts get in the way of histrionic jingoism?

Trump has asserted repeatedly that he banned Epstein in 2004. The Files state there was no such ban and Epstein was visiting as late as 2009. “That was redacted for some indeterminate, inscrutable reason.”

And I know who I would feel safer leaving my kids with.

Such a cute couple enjoying the Bad Bunny halftime show. We love this for them. 🥰

“Rents have declined five months in a row…” Hahahahahaha… 🤣 No.

Performative doesn’t even begin to cover it. 🤣

So, he watched Bad Bunny instead of his buddy, “Kid” Rock. The Widow Kirk must be so disappointed. 🤣

The Widow Kirk’s poorly synched Super Grift Halfway House headlined by “Kid” Rock managed to grab five million viewers. By comparison, the tightly choreographed Bad Bunny show, with live singing, kept 142 million viewers for his extravaganza.

We love this for them.

The number of maga raging about Green Day “going woke” is simultaneously hilarious and pathetic.

“My whole experience with President Trump is that he’s a genuine, real person. That’s why I’m for him 100% because he’s never been nothing but for me.” It’s kind of touching how sexual predators stand up for each other.

Ridiculously greasy hair aside, his comment is deeply reminiscent of the rhetoric used to justify segregated bathrooms, fountains, and lunch counters… Not even subtle.

Lil’ JD has invaded Milan with a 40 car motorcade, the Suburbans, too large for the streets, have snarled traffic and sideswiped parked cars. The resulting chaos delayed US figure skater, Alysa Liu, nearly missing her event and unable to warmup, possibly costing her the gold.

“Don’t have it for breakfast.” -“Dr” Oz outlining the regime’s alcohol consumption guidelines. Great. They’re coming for our mimosas.

When the couple that’s been buying you drinks at the bar all night gives you this look and you realize you should’ve covered your glass….