Dear Leader has ordered the dismantling of a $367m system that monitors marine health and ocean conditions for climate and storm forecasting. Because what you don’t know can’t hurt you… 🫣🫣🫣

Dear Leader has nominated Bill Pulte to replace Skunk Stripe Barbie as DNI. Despite having zero intelligence experience Bill has famously been expelled from the family home building empire and is currently the owner of a chain of dilapidated Florida mobile home parks best described as slums.

“He will never let you down” He also hasn’t been seen by anyone since February and has completely abandoned his congressional duties but ok… 🤣

And by “radical left deep state lunatics” he means competent and effective legal minds as opposed to the partisan hacks he surrounds himself with that couldn’t even indict a ham sandwich. 🤣

“President Trump, who is as sharp as can be, same age as Biden but his health is in good condition and his mental acuity is as strong as ever…” He’s wildly wrong about Trump, who is actively decaying in real time, but what on earth is going on with Trey Gowdy’s hair?!! 🫣

Faced with bipartisan opposition and looming legal peril, Dear Leader is going full TACO and dropping his $1.8b insurrection slush fund. 🌮 🌮🌮

In his quixotic quest to surround himself with only people he feels comfortable around, Plastered Pete Hagueseth just blocked over a third of the recommended admiral promotions - leaving no women and all but two minorities.

They want to make a deal so badly that… they just broke off talks due to repeated attacks and what they call “dishonesty” by the Trump regime in their constantly changing demands and histrionic rhetoric.

“They tried to run Kemp but he refused. So they’ve got a congressman who’s only a congressman because his daddy was a congressman and a coach who was only a coach because his daddy was a coach.” The maga cult of personality relies solely on blind allegiance to Dear Leader and rank nepotism.

The test does not measure intelligence as he claims but, rather, cognitive ability which he clearly has issues with…

“This is all military… you have the drone ports and sniper ports…” The next stage of paranoid dementia is barricading yourself inside a fortress…

“For the 150th there was a Coolidge coin. We are going to have the image of President Trump on a coin and the $250 bill. He should be on there.” The Coolidge coin was a limited edition, not for circulation commemorative that was sold for a premium- with most melted down after falling to sell.

DHS is considering selling Cosplay Noem’s $70m luxury jet after being unable to remove the “stains” left by her and her paramour on the seats… 🫣

I don’t really understand these right wing feuds but they are fascinating to watch. 🤪

“I wish I looked like Jaxson. Is he a male model? He is a handsome guy, a beautiful guy. Conservative guy. He said, ‘I love you, sir.’” With a tear in his eye…

Faced with nearly every act cancelling on him, Trump has made the bold decision to headline the 250th Thunderdome himself. No word on his set list but we anticipate “dancing”…

“Look, for many families, it’s not nothing but it’s been less than $200 in extra gasoline costs.” - Secretary of Oligarchs, shown here demonstrating fisting techniques. Look, I just want the $200 back and the Strait open. 🤷‍♂️

During breaks from the Iran Quagmire, Plastered Pete Hagueseth had taken up a new hobby… Prancercise!

Both Lutnick and now Bondi have testified about Epstein. Both refused to take oaths during the questioning.

Dear Leader is spiraling and the tl;dr is if he can’t have his name on the Kennedy Center then he wants nothing to do with it. 🤣

The kid who ate his boogers in class had a better response rate for his party. 🤷‍♂️

Imagine thinking the abuse of minors is “silly”…,

“You say you have a girlfriend, why don’t you name her?” Look at lil’ Benny Grindr-son trying to throw shade. 🤣

“They should change the Nobel Prize to the Trump Prize.” Is that what you get for destroying a girl’s elementary school?

Find someone who looks at you like Paxton looks at Pressler.

“You can’t boo me, I’m the vice president of the United States.” Lil’ JD channeling Jeb ‘please clap’ Bush.

Remember all the fanfare about Trump’s “Board of Peace,” with grandiose promises from some of the more unsavory and corrupt leaders from around the globe? Seems the have received exactly zero deposited funds. 🤡

“You are leading us to the greatest economy that the world has ever known. I hear it everywhere I go, “please thank the president,” - they love you.” Secretary of Foreheads Loeffler trying to fluff Dear Leader while he dozes off.

They’re so scared of him. First he’s a vegan, now he’s using a napkin. And it was a turkey leg not bbq, not that they really care about details. 🍗

Oh, honey, that’s not the… Here, just have a cookie and grab a nap.

After returning from his bi-monthly annual physical at Walter Reed, Dear Leader stopped and stared at a White House pillar for 6 minutes. Totally normal behavior… for a dementia patient or a toddler loading up their diaper.

The increasingly ridiculous ways they’re attempting to attack Talarico is almost amusing. 🤣

Having milli vanilli as a headliner for the Great American Thunderdome is hilariously emblematic of how disconnected from reality our kakistocracy has become. 🤣

Somewhere between “two weeks” and “a concept of a plan” is 95%.

“Oman will behave just like everyone else or we’ll have to bl*w them up.” Oman is an ally…

“It’s attorneys general, right? Not attorney generals? We ought to change this.” Deep Thoughts with lil’ JD Handy

“The way welfare works is we just take your word for it. If you say your kids are hungry, you’re going to get food stamps. We don’t even check if you have kids. You will just start getting checks.” That is literally not how any of that works.

“He’s a threat to our very way of life. I mean, he’s a vegan!” He isn’t but it’s hilarious that’s the best slogan they can craft. 🤣

Paxton has won the Texas maga senate primary as a champion of pedo rights.

Six Flags over DC is nearly ready…

“Children who are circumcised early have double the rate of autism…” -WormFK “I’ve studied this a long time…” -The Drooling Dotard No, and I’m not sure which comment is more unsettling…

WormFK caught some snakes on “Dr” Oz’s patio and immediately got bit. I hope the snakes are ok.

“I didn’t expect the corruption to be quite as widespread as it has been. The self dealing, the lining of his and his family’s pockets… it’s shocking. I’ve never seen a family get so rich off the presidency.” Oh, Megyn, we’ve been saying this since 2016. 🤷‍♂️

“Under our leadership, 5 million people have been lifted off food stamps in a short period of time.” They weren’t lifted, they were booted off and now they’re flooding food banks trying to feed their kids.

I’m going to need a new shocked face, this one isn’t working anymore. 🫣

She’s gunna need a cream for that burn.

“18k young men named William buried here. Over 20k named John, over 13k named James. Joined over time by Isaac, Elijah, Hanks, Helen, Juans, Margarets, Mary’s… Donald’s, not too many.” *giggles* Sir, this is not Mambo #5.

Trump “blinked” so long he nearly missed Plastered Pete Hagueseth’s speech. 🤣

“Losers and suckers”

“I’m the smartest guy you’re ever going to meet. In fact, I took the cogni… cognititive test. I’m the only one.” He really does live in a bubble of delusion.