A big thank you to everyone who gave me both space and support while I was away. This job doesn’t come with bereavement leave, so I made my own. I’ve eaten my way through all of my DoorDash gift cards, which I thought would never happen! (SOS 🙏🏻)

Busted the zipper on my designated funeral dress because this ass simply cannot be contained. Guess I’ll be wearing one of my backups. A girl can never have too many little black dresses!

“I can tell everything’s fine because you’ve been on Twitter!” Nope, these are actually the faint echos of my consciousness reverberating through the universe. I’m nothing but a mirage, my friends.

Just heard a song that would be perfect to play on my Duos page… if we were back in the Myspace days. 😅 Anyone understand the nostalgia I’m feeling? (The song goes “all my friends are hot hot hot, eleven out of ten, so hot hot hot” which is perfect for my gorg duo partners)

Night before my shoot and I’m happily munching on a big bowl of mac & cheese. This body is powered by pasta, baby.

I just got a screening form with the exact same name as my bestie’s ex-boyfriend. The scream I just scream’t. 😅 (It’s not actually him, but I now have new nightmare fodder.)

Come now… let’s play ✨

Running errands on the way back from Philly — email replies later tonight 🥰

Daydreaming about some more travel this fall! Though I might wait a few more months before staying too far… Autumn in the northeast is unrivaled 😍

Penny for your thoughts? ✨

Feeling frisky ✨

I get so giddy when I meet someone who wants to see my dreams come true 🥰

I should be drafting funny tweets and thinking of cute content, but instead, I’m browsing adoptable cats near me

You want to dress me like a Barbie? I’m not gonna say no, darling 😘

I think it’s so dung when a man thinks he’s funding my shopping habit. You’re funding a variety of community programs near and dear to my heart. My ability to meaningfully contribute gets me high.

Mood lighting in the bathroom, mood lighting in the bedroom ✨

Up for grabs 🙏🏻

Scheduling some travel for the next few months. Come find me in the wild, darling.

Thank you to those who have encouraged me to include on my wishlist as many panty options as my booty desires! I’m indecisive. Why not wear them all?

Strap in, baby ❤️

Thinking about someone special... ✨

I can’t bring myself to get really nice sunglasses because I manage to break three pairs each year. Better to stick with something cheap and easily replaced 😉

I'm not trying to be seductive. I simply am what I am. It's honestly inconvenient, but it’s a burden I must bear.

Another Broadway date booked for my birthday month! At this rate, I’ll be spending all of October in NYC. 🥰 Who’s claiming the next show on my list?

Who needs the gym when you have family members admitted to different wings of this very large hospital?

Email replies will come in (delayed) waves! I’m back on hospital duty with one of my family members, so I’ll get to emails when I get to them. As usual, the tweets will continue, because they make me happy 🥰

Which are we thinking for fall? Armadillo arms or no armadillo arms?

I had a new client joke about bringing me a red light therapy panel for my cat, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Is this the trick to her living forever? Because I’ll bathe her in whatever LEDs I need to!

Few things thrill me like getting to excavate years-old receipts. I’m abuzz with the thrill that Libras get with justice, yum 💋

I thought waiting until they cooled was just a suggestion. Who wants a very adult looking cupcake? 😅

The only thing saving my neck right now is this CBD lotion. It makes me smell nice and minty (and better than that-- I can move my head!)

Planning ahead to see some musicals opening later this year! Mamma Mia, Beetlejuice, and Chess are all heading to NYC and will be heading to the top of my must-see list. The first two are going to be limited engagements, so… let’s hurry 😜

Throwback to that time I met a client for the FIRST TIME and he brought me a 2x3 foot erotic fainting painting. When I said I had no room to hang it, he seemed genuinely unperturbed. He said he’d give it to his daughter instead.

He said “you’re like me own fuckable Wikipedia,” and in that moment, I felt truly seen.

I daydream like it's a sport. You would blush if you saw what we were up to in my imagination.

I picked my outfit just to see how long you could behave

Don’t worry. The dress is just as soft as the rest of me. 🤎

You can't put me in a box. But you can press me against a wall if you ask nicely.

Sometimes I act innocent just to watch your brain short-circuit when I show you that I'm not 🥰

I love being able to see exactly which days I’m traveling & not bumping my Tryst 😅

Not to be dramatic but I want to be your favorite scent, your favorite sigh, the reason you’re late and smiling about it

Visiting Oriole was a treat. ✨ The non-alcoholic drinks were fascinating, paired with each course and built from things like sunflower seeds and squid ink. The very first bite was ranked #1 from both of us! (And isn’t it tricky for the first bite to be the best?)

Thank you to everyone gifting me beautiful notebooks! It’ll take me ages to work my way through them all, even at the rate I write. My collection is growing!

Wait for me 🥀 Thanks for planning a first date where we got to sit and cry together. This show was beautiful, and I’m keeping your now mascara-stained handkerchief forever. ❤️

I giggled like a little maniac when I got to break the wax seal. ~ hehehe! ~ ❤️

You’ll love the way your brain buzzes when you’re head over heels in love with me

People would never believe the filthy things I’m whispering to you at intermission…

I don’t just want to be your dream girl, I want to be your favorite reality.

Site is back online! Emails will be returned tomorrow ❤️

Spent the day shooting bridal boudoir pics for one of my friends and it was so much fun! Our inspo album was full of pictures of y'all from on here 🥰