They put the pimple patches in target jail, just a humiliation ritual to spend $11 at this point

Going back thru my old posts can’t believe they’re only getting a few likes each. I keep liking them thinking “good one that’s funny” before remembering I wrote it

This guy was the most annoying anal pain in the ass and that was him ON BENZOs??? Let him keep them!!

I can’t tell when things are written by AI bc I have spent my whole life trying to approximate normal human speech too

Of course I had to wreck my car and cause $3600 worth of damage. Why couldn’t it have killed me instead

Wait imagine a mall bit instead of clothing stores it’s all the places I need to go to do my errands

This old French chef is training me and I said I should clone myself to get more done and without a hint of sarcasm he said “No……no.”

I quit my job to make artisan chocolate and here’s my pineapple caramels I did a nice job on them

Perfect is the enemy of good, and good is the enemy of going home

Justin baldoni has the contemporary type of misogyny and Blake lively has that old fashioned type of racism . Much to think about!

Not now syndey sweeny

Name consultant

“Speed limit enforced by aircraft” like ok relax

My mom bought a “”cream”” dress to wear to the wedding she insisted I have. I love this diva so much

I love when everyone tells you you look tired when you are tired. Thank you

They should let you use the carpool lane if you are very sleepy

I’m proud of where we’re at with protein bar technology

Statement Re: OU Discrimination Investigation Today, my client, Mel Curth, submitted her appeal of the University's Institutional Equity Office finding that she engaged in arbitrary and capricious grading of a student's assignment in violation of that student's religious liberty.

Everyone thinks Reddit is the free speech bastion of the Internet but every single sub has 1000 obscure rules that will get your comments autodeleted

They called it Waymo bc there’s way mo’ car accidents ?

Get a load of this guy: (it me)

No way

Mouthwash BEFORE toothpaste. Toothpaste is the lotion of the teeth. Are u writing this down

Tired: Die Hard is a Christmas movie Wired: The Shining is a Christmas movie

I might actually watch one of these football games if instead of football it was singing and instead of football players it was Olivia rodrigo

Posting pho

Yall were talking about kalshi so evil and I’ve been thinking it’s these divas

This is constantly happening. A paramilitary force is violently enforcing second-class status for nonwhite people the United States with the support of police forces across the country. Sure, ICE must be abolished, but so must every institution that supports such brutality. & this cannot be reformed

If you disrespect me even once I will send such unrelenting hateful energy to you that could feasibly blow up your house

My fiance just heard now for the first time (from me) that Leo dicaprio is gay

New outfit!

We need chocolate peppermint stuff year round

Do you keep bread in the fridge or on the counter ? Or a secret third place

TRUMP [after spending 5 minutes with Zohran]: surplus value, it’s a very wonderful thing, very wonderful, and they’re stealing it. Can you believe that? We’re going to be looking very strongly at the bourgeoisie, what they’re up to

Pope rave, trump mamdani enemies to lovers arc, a lot going on for a Friday

Yes women did ruin the workplace the government should pay us to stay home and get lunch with our friends

It should be acceptable to interrupt the other person in a conversation if what you have to say is more interesting

I see you’ve chosen to proceed through the intersection even though I have the right of way. Interesting! I hope your house burns down

They used to be so much meaner on DWTS now they’re giving Andy richter 7s for not meeting god on the dance floor

There was a couple dressed as a priest and a demon and I said my culture is not your costume (catholic) and my bf goes “what culture? Demons?”

Thought of a good Xmas gift for my fiance I wish I could tell him about it

Well she wants to live her life 😀 then she thinks about her life 😕

I think someone over here forgot to genuflect on the way in

{waking up in the hospital after my kidney transplant} where is two time academy award nominee Jesse eisenberg Doctor: who do you think gave you the kidney

HAHAHAHH big client donated to that fuck ass ballroom and then the White House immediately turned around and acted in their exact worst interest

Just got home from the taping of Robby Hoffmans special. She’s a star and I can’t believe they’re putting that on netflix

I love when dems are like “yeah sure everyone would love if we could have a cool, hot, young mayor with popular ideas but that’s not reality you will take these disgusting serial sex criminals because we live in the REAL WORLD”

Ikyfl

GAGGGGED THAT OLD BITCH LMFAO