Most people don't appreciate how difficult it is to write a vague yet prophetic script to adorn the walls of a recently discovered subterranean structure

When you have serious misconceptions about penne alla vodka

No Odyssey spoilers? Bro you had 2000 years!

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by Savage Land Rogue

I got posters on my wall My favorite rock group Silver Jews I got Dave Berman I got Black and Brown Blues Waiting there for me Yes I do

Stan Lee didn't die. He moved to France and started naming soccer coaches.

*born into immense wealth and presented with every opportunity that affords* "This is my new album 'Dark and Twisted Child of the Abyss'"

Mega Man got another one

Kenny Bonne Maman

1. "Reagan Shit His Pants" by Eurythmics

Me vs the 24-hour Columbo channel

I am inside because the air is unbreathable DO NOT say I am inside because of explosive diarrhea

Satan, seeing the dead walk the Earth: "We're gonna need a bigger Hell."

"we don't know how this mist you spray up your nose cures your depression" may be the best pharmaceutical disclaimer

No one's talking about you it's cool bud just chill over there we're gonna get through this

Behold an angel

"Alright, Infinity Watch, your job is to protect the most powerful objects in the uni—wait, why are you all putting them on your head?"

Yes, that's right—all 3 are "Roadrunner" by the Modern Lovers

The delicate Brown Balance between New England and Philadelphia remains in equilibrium

Yeah yeah amazing theory...just one more thing,

The click is a cluck

once columbo is out of cooldown you are all fucked

A very drunk Jason Kelce trying to explain to Juju Smith-Schuster why Travis wasn't allowed to be friends with Deadpool anymore

If you get married at Madison Square Garden, you should have to get divorced at the Nassau Coliseum

"And Travis scobbity dobbity do you take Taylor to be your wife?"

Cool. So time to cut these psychos off, right?

The Beautifully Stupid Game

I'm sorry do you really think the woman who wrote "All my powers are flowers so dance for the hour while the dour still glower" would get married at Madison Square Garden????

Now he's doing Ad Mech cosplay? What have we done what have we done 😢😢😢

New Yorkers: Please work to conserve power over this heatwave. The second act of Taylor's wedding ("I Was Persephone, You Were My Hercules") is light show AND smoke machine intensive and we do not want to overload the power grid!

Their guy flops: "flopping bastard" My guy flops: "ah well, everyone flops"

How are you going to name your company "jumpzylla" and make the logo an ape?

Finally, Riley Gaines can come in 7th place

All my favorite poets got married at Madison Square Garden

I'm sorry, who?

I'm about to have the stupidest home office

The intoxicating scent of your mentholated shampoo

If we don't finally get an English version 'Shigurui' and a corresponding HBO series with episodes directed by Takashi Miike then the medium is dead

It's important to visit your parents once every three years to remember why you only visit your parents once every three years

We should combine the Carolinas. We should cross breed their state birds. Stitch their flags together.

Whiffleball really distorts the prevalence of triples

Berserk; or Guts vs The Penis Monsters

We can't trade him

Commenting "seems like a lot of accidents lately" on the local police scanner account

Live free or die bebe

Some dipshit with shades on his head?

Well, I'd like to see ol Donny Trump wriggle his way out of THIS jam! *Military designs Golden Throne with alien technology that keeps his corpse alive for 10,000 years* Ah! Well. Nevertheless,