two slices of detroit style hawaiian pizza… an aphrodisiac

queering double date night with our straight friends by taking them home and making them watch eboni labelle lipsync to feel good

saw really cute art of punchy the monkey on insta and forgot to like/save so now it’s gone forever 😔

TO THE PITCOCK

me this morning when it came on while i was driving through a dark and empty industrial mall

wet leg tickets secured 🙂‍↕️

froy kinda looks like someone yassified shane dawson to maintain anonymity

MYKI MEEKS

officially off my 4/10 w*rk schedule… rip boyboyhenyo three day weekends, it was a great four years 🕊️

mouthing “sorry diva” at the man in a 4x4 screaming at me for making an (admittedly) bad call at a four way intersection

hudson williams: what was that noise carrie ann moss: yaaaack ack ack… it’s me, the baba yaga

daredevil watchenings are now

oomfie me preguntó

driving to w*rk at 5am when the city is iced over… i was making unnecessary journeys. i was taking risks on treacherous roads.

this shit was scrumptious

prom*tion secured, antm documentary watchenings, late valentine’s toast night, cannolis acquired… everything’s coming up REI 💕

lady trieu is so kind

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

my pussy tastes like spam musubi

all my favs on this season of us traitors either murdered or actively flopping 😭😭

interviewer: well that’s everything on my end, do you have any questions for me? me:

breasting boobily at the derma exam

illusion by dua lipa… maybe it was too ahead of its time for certain people

local fav restaurant served us a rotted valentine’s meal tonight lmao but we fully pretended like everything was perfect because our waitress was the sweetest person i’ve ever met

breasting boobily at the derma exam

“your hands are EXTRA dry today” “how many times a week are you using that retinoid?” my dermatologist was reading me DOWN this morning 😭😭

period

they tried to make patrick wilson frumpy and marginally less fuckable in watchmen but they couldn’t hide that butt 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️

my figure eight, as i walk away in my vivienne, oh, what a waste of a dress you’ll never see

cole escola search party evil twink but it’s just me driving around town listening to ray of light on repeat while i run my silly little errands

me this morning on a caffeine kick: ok i’m gonna start a new fitness plan today called body by burj khalifa where i do 165 floors on the stairmaster as a warm-up me leaving the gym this evening: ok so we’re never doing that ever again

this weekend’s about to be a movie

drag queen named Henny Gesserit who only hosts shows using The Voice

caffeinated at 5am instead of 8am today

the ukvstw girls fighting over their safe placements from last week… these women having an international mid-off

you met me at a very constantly eating toast and baked sweet potatoes time in my life

Adaline at the end of The Age of Adaline (2015):

HELP we can’t stop having yummy toast night dinners (this is the fourth one in the past week)

me seeing an old hole pic in my camera roll that i forgot to hide:

off w*rk an hour early, i can go the gym and file my taxes and shave my hole and do laundry… the world is my oyster!!

Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Second is the muppets

playing la tortura at w*rk at 7am like ok ladies let’s wake it up!!

the rumors are true (i’ve been eating good hehe)

haircut secured

extra horny after watching sp*rts, what’s that about

power ranking of things i ate/drank today: (1) piloncillo latte with banana foam (2) 1 1/2 Costco hot dogs (3) dulce de leche latte with banana foam (4) pizza twists (5) orange, peeled (6) water (7) pizza slice, classic pep (8) aperol spritz

andy cohen nerds commercial

me at this watch party every time someone gets tackled: gagged them a bit

haircut secured