Enjoy pulled pork sandwiches on these plates at the country’s funeral?

Remember citing sources, using APA notation in bibliographies, and being very careful when summarizing so as to avoid the execrable sin of plagiarism? Now, people just haphazardly copy and paste AI slop with no recorded attribution, casually insisting that we infer that the paster authored the prose

A month ago in Cannes ❤️

Me: excitedly makes tortilla soup with chicken, black beans, hominy, tomatoes… then adds the spices: chili powder, lots of cumin, cayenne… Stirs it up and tastes it, and something seems a little off… and it smells strange. I used cinnamon instead of cumin. Now the whole mess is in the garbage

If I regret anything on Mother’s Day, it’s all those times I couldn’t be bothered to call my mom

You can’t fully appreciate how much something was holding you back until you’re finally able to let it go

The existence of the term “everything shower” has now unfortunately made me question what it is that people are generally *not* cleaning that they only clean during a full, um, detailing?

It’s that time of year for an uncomfortable reminder… everyone’s putting chemicals on their lawns, so be aware that your kids and/or pets probably shouldn’t be in others’ yards

“Don’t argue with Reddit trolls.” -Abraham Lincoln

I actually was giving a pretty good tip, but yikes… now I’m paying an hourly rate for deliveries on top of my tip?!

Subject line: Take 20 minutes for yourself: schedule your mammogram now idk if 20 min on the phone to schedule it is a self-care fantasy, but it couldn’t be further from the truth that 20 min of someone squishing your boobs into a boob-squashing machine is “time to oneself” That being said, do it

I cannot be the only one who is distraught that this infiltration of tradwife cosplay costumes into sacred spaces like Abercrombie is occurring right before our very eyes

People in Indiana will have line of sight to a drainage ditch from their back door and they’ll call it waterfront property

Hear me out… what if all the construction crews in the state got together and actually knocked out one of these projects at a time instead of 30 different unfinished, un-being-worked-on disasters in the county like that whole mess at 69 and 465? It shouldn’t take four years for minimal progress

Yikes… LinkedIn looks even more like Facebook than usual today

I will never remember your dog’s name, but I will remember if you’re a Hilton person or a Marriott person

I’m kind of impressed by people who *save* time with AI. I’ve found one specific task where it’s actually useful, but 85 prompts to produce something relatively simple seems like an enormous waste

Annual reminder to not believe any emails you receive tomorrow because every super edgy and spectacularly cool marketing department is going to send out something insane 🙄

I’m not very skilled at holding a grudge, but I will absolutely change your text tone to the Losing Horn from “The Price is Right” if you upset me

Maybe the one thing that’s holding you back is only doing so because you won’t let go of it

Life is a lot better and a lot more fulfilling if you can get to the point where you do things for other people because you want to, and not because you feel that you have some sort of karmic debt that needs to be repaid

“Research is totally defined as watching a Joe Rogan podcast and then finding two YouTube videos that support his position.” -Aristotle, 320 B.C.

Thou shalt not stand right up against the damn baggage claim carousel

Happy 313 Day to all who celebrate 💕

Sometimes, when you know too much, you have to force yourself to remember that not everyone can see when things are a little too orchestrated

This is how I deal with scammers now

How are we okay with the fact that men can get “doctor approved” for boner pills in five minutes online, but it will take four to eleven YEARS for women to get proper diagnosis and treatment for endometriosis?!

BREAKING: Oral-B to rename its iO electric toothbrush line to “The Ex-Husband”: so loud, messy, and unpleasant that you’ll be glad it only lasts two minutes

I love the show The Residence on Netflix because I’ve said OMGWAITISTHAT Balki from Perfect Strangers? And [tilts head] Taran Killam?? And whaaaaa… is that the guy from Mallrats?! JANE CURTIN??!!?! And I love Uzo Aduba. She is *insanely* talented

Well, isn’t that something

Stop giving Drunk Uncle the microphone

Betsy?! My name is literally my email address and you can’t even get it right when you’re trying to sell me something? To the Junk folder you go

Gentlemen: if a woman confides in you that she’s uncomfortable because a man (or more than one man) is hitting on her at a work conference, your response should never be “that must feel very validating” or “at least you know you’ve still got it” or “I wish women would hit on me at a conference”

[getting gas] Would you like a car wash? No. Would you like a receipt? No. Would you like Larry inside the gas station to give you a nice wave? No. You sure you didn’t want that car wash? Stop it. I think I’m gonna print a receipt anyway, cool? Smh

Wonder when the DJT VS. VENEZUELA 2026 t-shirts will launch on trumpmerch dot com

If you know me at all, you know I was almost in tears when I walked in here 😭

If only there was a way to forward an email to someone else and cc: the person whose out of office message you got so that upon their return to the office, the person doesn’t have to try to figure out if you forwarded the email elsewhere

This week was my first time in Boston(!!!) and I got to go on a super cool tour of Fenway Park ⚾️

It has just come to my attention that a word which was given to me in a spelling bee in 1991 was mispronounced. Is there a superhero who exacts vengeance in these types of scenarios?

"the menswear guy isn't fair and balanced." do you even hear yourself? "fork lady is eroding public confidence." "ladder baby is undermining the credibility of the field." "lemon raccoon is acting without transparency or accountability." that's what you sound like.

I love that Comfrt sells mid sweats and their social media ads seem like they believe that no one’s ever seen sweats before

Hulu/Disney/whatever: • cancelling Jimmy Kimmel (even though I don’t like him and you did bring him back) was a shit move • then raising prices for no reason (or maybe because so many people cancelled their subscriptions?) was a shit move • BUT LOGGING ME OUT OF ALL OF MY DEVICES?! We are done

If a Michigan answer is anything like a Michigan left, it goes too far, does a 180, and then has you turn the other way in order to get where you want to be

Heaven help you if you watch a couple episodes of a series on Prime. Every day, it’s an email that’s all HEY GIRL HEY YOU BETTER WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE IT’S LEGIT ON PRIME VIDEO RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR DUDE FOR REAL WATCH IT RIGHT NOW YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO

I’m “randomly” selected for enhanced screening 80% of the time at the airport. The being diverted to go through the backscatter thingy and then the extra and INCREDIBLY unnecessary pat down that followed made the whole experience all the more special in KC yesterday 💕

tbh, I kinda love hell pumpkin

Congratulations to the Boston Crusaders!!!!!!

BRAND NEW FROM LULULEMON: IT’S ALL THE SAME STUFF, BUT IT’S IN DIFFERENT COLORS AND IT COSTS $50 MORE

Happy birthday to the 85 LinkedIn connections who have a birthday today. And congratulations to your parents who apparently REALLY enjoyed Halloween