i have hated these past two days so much i am losign mroe and more reasons to do literally anything, i feel like everyone is disconnecting from me and i just feel like rotting in a corner at this po int, every thing i look at it makes me sad due to connections with people or something else, idk

i dont know if my habit of only looking at bluesky once at the end of the day is good, because it leaves me just feeling bad if theres something that upsets me, today a lot of my feed is filled with things that make me feel left out, or some stuff that makes me feel off, but thats my fault i guess

I keep trying to force myself to get into a mindset to where i can start posting again, but i just cant, everytime i try, theres something i see that makes me just, back off again, i want to be active i want to feel involved, i just feel off seeing art of people that i dont feel comfortable with 😓

my follower count is just slowly going down as i post nothing, which is my fault i guess, but i genuinely dont feel as if i fit enough to even know what to post, bleh

sometimes its easier to pretend to be happy to not bother others sometimes i just get quiet and shut down in a way a lot of the time i do feel lonely, left out, or jealous, but i feel bad for feeling that way in the first place, because i feel bad for annoying or bothering other people with this

why am i such a weird person that doesn't fit in with anyone i feel like everything everyone gets excited over i just sit in a corner and observe as i make myself feel left out, why is my brain like this, idk just glad everyone can enjoy their things still atleast i suppose

I feel kind of bad and reluctant to post about anything but it just feels a bit overwhelming for me but i feel weird that im like the only person i see that kind of doesn't like mega raichu much really?? the original just feels better and everything its just filling my feed entirely 😭

Usually positive things would be a good thing and all but for some reason being extra sensitive is making certain types of positive things make me feel like im not contributing to it enough or feeling left out or something in a way so its having the opposite effect, why must i be like this 😭

i swear i am going to go slowly insane, i feel like, just, not fitting in with anyone at all and like i dont fit in any community because of all these people that just, certain things that exist, along with myself just not feeling good overall, bleh

I am so confused, i dont post for a while and it makes me worried that its goign to cause people to unfollow but THEN i post something and THEN someone unfollows??? huh?? 😭

sleep schedule feels like it indefinitely sucks and i feel like i indefinitely dont matter to anyone and i cant trust anything im told because i feel like no matter what i am let go so easily and without reason, i dont think ill be able to force myself to use bluesky any time soon it feels like 😓

Waking up i still feel exactly how i feel in my last post i dont know whats going on, every person i feel like theres something wrong with me or between us, i feel like anyone i talk to or whenever i make posts like im just a background character (1/2)

i am goign t osleep now ive been up too long, slepeing in middle of day agian, yippee i dont know how many people read or care about these, but i dont fit in anywhere, like genuinely, every bluesky "friend group" i dont fit in, or have some random issue with someone or something, i hate it, bleh.

I dont know if i should dump a lot of thoughts here. i mjust retaining a lot in my mind right nwo and i dont want to just bother peopel wit hthem ,but its hurting just, holding so much, idk what to do i dont care about the typos at this moment 😭

The internet is going to kill me, i swear

i have slept and yes i am saying when i sleep and wake up for no reason because sure low quality account moment (trademarked) ...now i have to be up all night and hopefully the whole day to try and fix this LOL

i shall sleep now maybe i think goodnight goodday, mostly good day to everyone, i am sleeping in the middle of the day, oopsies bed + pikachu hugging time(tm)!! as usual LOL i can barely stay awake no idea why im saying this but yeyeyeyeye

also that one thing i said ages ago about people probably not interacting/replying to a post BECAUSE they can just dm me or talk to me more often is probably true still because ive honestly done that a lot myself with a couple people, so i cant blame them i suppose, but ive been quiet overall

I feel like a lot of the time my replies on some specific people's things get ignored more, sometimes it gets a like sometimes not, but replies are usually dull, i feel like this is my fault for past small interactions ive had which may have made people wary of me, which kinda sucks- (1/2)

yes i am spamming your feed hi yes you signed up for this 😭 this is literally the thought dump account (tm)

i feel like the nature of this account in specific being related to all these vents and stuff rather than having interesting stuff on it like drawings and such makes people just feel even less comfortable engaging in a way. which, probably.. a lot of my assumptions i come to see are true in a sense

on an unrealted ntoe i have been up so many hours and its daytime again my poor slepe schedule can NOT stay consistent and i do not care about my typos this is the low quality account LOL i wonder if i should ramble about more random unrelated things here or not, hmm

i dont know why a lot of the messages i post here are secretly maybe directed at certain people, me just asking questions or expressing how i feel indirectly about something... people that do see THESE of course, yes, but its odd, idk if they assume its related to them or not, but. hmm...

is the things i post here almost TOO heavy? i genuinely cant tell, i feel like it almost does nothing other than make people more wary of me in a way which does the opposite of help with whatever so oops 😭

i still want to force myself to be more active but i dont know why bluesky is consistently kind of making me depressed because of weird or selfish reasons probably, oopsies i dont know what to say or do exactly, to be engaging, my brain is just, mush consistently, wkrejhglkjwehgklw

i still cant tell if its on me that i feel uncomfortable a bit seeing some people follow other people that i feel uncomfortable with myself for various reasons like, it makes me feel more avoidant of the people that just interact with them, because it makes me see that person i dislike more (1/2)

me rant, i apologize- I am very confused what to do, for whatever reason bluesky is heavily impacting my mood whenever i look at it and how people are interacting, the left out feeling just keeps getting stronger yet i dont have mental energy to engage, its very conflicting to me personally (1/6)

I contemplated if i should post this here or not because, bleh, but last night one of my dogs had to be put down because of pain and stuff, so definitely havent been feeling well at all, i cant win really with anything i hope things are better for everyone else this all makes it hard to be active

should i get rid of any mentions of this account from my bio? or should i make a new pinned that doesnt mention it? im unsure if i should be advertising this account or having it at all as im pretty sure it makes people distance themself from me in a way, unsure what to do here genuine question

oh boy, i have been doing awful lately and been really bad at interacting/commenting, sorry for basically not existing here the past like 4 days or so, maybe 3, im unsure mentally just hard to keep up when i really do want to though

i shouldnt even be up i am going to sleep instantly after posting this but... i dont feel well of course, mentally or physically, probably because staying up too long but i feel like the artfight thing for some reason, just its existence is making me feel overall more left out (1/2)

i feel kind of bad that im being more active here than i am on my main, im sorry im not being able to get enough energy to interact, i dont mean to be quiet 😭

I'm unsure if i worry too much about being active, i feel unusually bad for not commenting on stuff at all and not interacting, i want to show support for people and not feel like i get left out due to not being there aswell, but its hard, so i am unsure what i should be doing in this context, oops

I notice when i am reposting stuff i do it so little mostly because i get worried about if i could be reposting something from a not so good person accidentally because i may not know them enough or something else, how much should i really be worrying about such things though? no idea

do remember that you matter

i am also sorry if anything ive said or done action wise or similar with anyone in the past has upset or made people want to talk less to me aswell, in the end i really just wnat to be able to communicate and have people near me, so it hurts losing people or feeling like i push them away more

Stay strong, that is all... Not just for myself but others mainly, as best as can be done i wish i could help others more than i have the capability to do, its tough feeling like whatever i do or attempt to do in the end means nothing or backfires, so, please take care, is the best i can say

...i keep on and on seeing people that im... kind of uncomfortable with seeing in general? 😭 usually because of someone reposting something from them, or someone @ ing them... uncomfortable due to various reasons and past interactions maybe ive had or other things too... (1/3)

i cant exactly, uh, talk directly to people in a couple cases because i cant DM them or such or dont know them personally, so, for whoever sees this, have you played the new deltarune chapters? LOL wondering how it went for everyone, of course hard to talk about it publicly because spoilers but eh-

thanks bluesky for defaulting to discovery tab and giving me bunny pictures when switching to this account, that is very nice LOL

deltarune is tomorrow (laugh track) so thats nice atleast but the rest of today i dont know if ill feel well, i somehow feel like everything i say or do to someone is a random coin toss if its the right thing or not, i dont get how i can upset everyone so easily when i dont mean to oh well

??? i wake up with 12 notifications related to THIS LOL thats more than i usually get on a post on my MAIN account what is with you guys 😭

test image i repeat TEST IMAGE feel free to IGNORE LOL i did say you sign up for low quality posts being here, so you get this low quality post!! even though i could delete it right after im keeping it up because funny yes ..it kinda looks like an eye, unintentionally

thinking, unsure of what i should post on here compared to my main game screenshots? where would that go? random projects related to things people that follow me probably have zero interest in? 😭 such as source engine maps and stuff, who knows, i dont know if anyone interested in that LOL

side thought i wonder if knowing people more TECHNICALLY makes them interact less? or maybe im over analyzing, but i feel like people i maybe talk in dms to a lot tend to, for instance, post a comment under a thing i make less, and if its someone i dont talk to in dm's they do more, hmm! 👀 odd..

i keep wanting to semi rebrand this account to "rant/serious" instead of "serious/venty" on this profile and my main profiles description, but i feel like i vent way too much here to justify removing it when that IS the content 😭 just hope the word "venty" doesnt scare people off is all LOL

i have this weird thing with me, where i want to just befriend everyone i know and its hard to tell what counts as a true friend in some cases too i guess, a lot of the time i feel like that 1 on 1 conversing is heavily needed and an important part of it aswell, if that makes sense (1/4)

i think in a weird way im accidentally making myself feel left out at random things, or with the people around me in general, probably including everyone that reads this LOL i am weird with how i process things and its made me be evasive at times, its made me a lot quieter sadly, i dont want to be

since this seems like something i wouldnt usually post on my main account, as i dont expect many people to relate, and its just rambling, i have so many hours in gmod, many memories over the past while, ive lost a lot of friends i played the game with (1/2)

i don't want this account to be ALL depressing sad stuff or whatnot of course, sorry for anyone that feels obligated to stick to me or something with those things, definitely NOT fun things to read at times probably LOL