Finally got the sock tattoo for my dog. A sock that has the word "yum" in it. He ate a dozen socks before Thanksgiving a few years ago and it cost about 7k$ to get them out. My best friend is a weirdo.

I do not work for ICE. I think you've completely misunderstood why I was thinking about you while roughing up the suspect.

I don't want to live in an environment where someone thinks this is okay. Nazi dog whistles should be banned from the DMV.

And a happy ch ch ch ah ah ah to you as well.

Whenever I see someone good looking online, I just pretend that its a selfie you posted from another account.

Family stopped talking to me because I wouldn't stop doing the comedy callback. Mom: "Had a terrible time coming home, the traffic was so bad." Me: "How bad was it?" Dad: "you should have seen what I got for dinner. That steak was so big." Me: "How big was it?"

My youngest dog barfed yesterday morning and now I can't stop doing a "nasty boy" routine. Dog walks into the room: Im a nasty boy, I poop in public. Dog walks up to me: I'm a nasty boy, I eat off the floor.

They keep the squirt dispenser behind the counter at my local Arby's. You have to ask for it.

I was pretty happy that the Deviates put out another album at the end of the pandemic. The video for "the liar" is fucking brutal though.

Oh good. I get to argue about Red Hat enshittification this morning! Glad I made a 5 word comment on reddit a week ago.

I forget what 8 was for.

Obviously its my favorite song about the American revolution with a video that features vampires.

How many people are aware of the taxidermy that Dr Suess made?

Something to listen to during my lunch break.

Clearing the driveway yesterday was brutal. Still annoyed that boiling water doesn't help. It would be so nice to clear the driveway with a few pots of water.

So, uh, its just me here?

Me as a therapist: I wish you would have repressed that.

5 inches of snow and the wintery mix just started. Dominos just asked if I want delivery.

Picking locks to keep my mind off the news. First time picking a red belt lock.

Paint your pallette blue and gray.

You sound just like my mom.

I am pretty jaded about people asking for money. Random messages claiming to be from Gaza get blocked. The verified people that are not scamming already have celebrity support. Its disgusting knowing that people use this genocide as a scam.

A giant weed grinder to shred meat.

Got all 4 of the lockjaw season 1 lock picking challenge patches.

Schindlers Chode

Picked this lock last night. Its an evil little lock that has a trap in it. If you set a specific pin at a specific step, you'll never open the lock.

If you hit someone with enough voltage, they can read off their base pairs. ATTAGACCATAATACAGA

Internet sucks so bad at work that the edge browser lives up to its name.

Imagine how much fun it would be to have phone sex with Mr Miyagi. Not Pat Morita, that would be weird.

No cheating, respect with the most recent photo of your pet.

I had brought up this guy while commenting. The cutest tripod you'll see today.

Got another lock challenge completed and leveled up to brown belt. Hopefully I will hit black belt by summer next year. Already own the locks, just need the time and tools.

So happy that I didn't make an enormous mess last night.

Pulling up the ladder on day laborers is such a fucked up flex.

Finally got the gift I've always wanted.

Went to print some pictures as gifts for my parents. The person in front of me selected to print their whole album. 4600 pictures as 4x6. That's insane, right?

I know I'm an asshole for laughing about it, but I just got to see someone I don't like have a little comeuppance online.

Another amazing podcast. Fuck your true crime bullshit. Listen to this.

I bet the Grinch would give me a blow job.

For the "leftists" that say Jews are the real Nazis, post your Gofundme. I'll toss a few shekels in. Happy Hanukkah.

Whenever I say that I enjoyed a cider, someone inevitably asks if it was a Dixons Cider. I want it on the record, I'm a Cummins Cider type of guy.

The best thing happened on the morning walk. My puppy discovered his shadow. He tried to play with it. Even barked at it for mimicking his motions.

Why would I want to see my Wordle year in review? I dont understand.

I need to remember to clean out the old accounts that I followed when the site was still new.

Another patch for a lock picking challenge. I love the paw print wax seal. 3 locks, 3 different ways to open each one. No repeats.

Might have completed my final challenge for the year. Open 3 locks in 3 different ways, no repeats. Shimmed, bypassed the shackle springs, raked, used a seam ripper to pick, used a dental hook, used a dimple flag on a tumbler lock, single pin picked, used a key, and used a straight metal stick.

Trying to decide if I want to share something cute or something deranged. Here's the cute:

Keep thinking about that episode of Animaniacs where Brain did the "yes, always" Orson Welles bit.

Best buy ads always concatenate weird on my phone. A few months ago nit was an ultimatum. "This ends today!" And today it was "Have you seen these OF". I am going to guess they decided to capitalize OFFERS.

Jesus.