401k? more like 401 not ok

those penguins had it too good for too long

the stock market is crashing harder than a spacex rocket

pete hegseth texted me and told me who let the dogs out

pete hegseth texted me and told me how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop

pete hegseth just texted brad pitt and told him what was in the box

happy pi day to all who celebrate

you ever think about how we’re all just farting in outer space?

my wife is a hypochondriac and she has a birthday coming up. what do you get the woman who thinks she has everything??

tesla stock is crashing faster than a space x rocket

i’m pretty sure the pentagram guy is my dad

the state of the union address was bad. the worst part was when adrien brody got up there and gave a speech

tonight democrats wore pink in protest. tomorrow is silly hat day

democratic politicians are doing absolutely nothing to get us out of this fascist regime but at least some of them wore pink today. that’ll show them

some say adrien brody is still out there giving a speech

i’m surprised jay leno didn’t do an oscars pre show and give away all the awards before conan showed up

republicans play wolfenstein and let the computer win

america is in its oregon trail era (everyone is gonna get measles and tuberculosis)

someone in canada bought my band’s record online for $25 (shipping included). i just shipped it today and it cost me $26

a kiss cover band called bad kiss

things are so bad, i can’t even listen to the band the presidents of the united states of america anymore

the nirvana/post malone snl performance sucked

living in los angeles in 2025: you can choose between the city is on fire or it rains all the time

gulf of mexico (taylor’s version)

a better than ezra cover band called worse than ezra

a million monkees with a million acoustic guitars will eventually write wonderwall

being an american musician in 2025 feels like being in the band on the titanic

politicians will be like “we need to stop this” and then do absolutely nothing to stop any of this

nirvana reunited yesterday and i’m supposed to promote MY music today??!!

suicidal tendencies: “all i wanted was a pepsi” waiter: “is coke ok?”

“when life gives you a collapsing civilization, get some footage of your band, Bald Whig, performing in hazmat suits, and turn it into an ad for your album being released on vinyl” -anonymous

my garage rock band, Bald Whig, did an outdoor show in los angeles in the rain last night. do you like our hazmat suits?

everything is terrible so i’m drinking wine and wearing a robe

2 fascist 2 führious

2 fascist 2 furious

i was born in 1984, but in a way, we all were

i’ve been so unmotivated by how bad everything is. today i ate a banana and felt accomplished

it’s not called eating the rich. it’s a roman goodbye

blur was right. modern life really is rubbish

man this is worse than that whole snoop lion thing

tiktok is banned. i’m really going to miss getting 213 views on all of my videos

robber: “this is a stick up” me: “and what do you say?” robber: “this is a stick up please”

Official portrait just dropped

have you seen trump’s inauguration portrait?

just out walking my dogs in los angeles. everything is totally normal

freaking out about the air quality in los angeles so i had pizza for breakfast. the air is still toxic but at least the pizza was good

unconditional discharge sounds like the name of a punk band

stress eating a block of cheddar cheese hoping to not have to evacuate because of the la fires

i got a new jazzmaster. it has a secret bridge humbucker. it’s mounted inside a jazzmaster pickup cover. what do you think?

a dinosaur jr cover band called jk mascis