Of course they're not going to elect a new Pope on the first day, that's when they roll out all the silly candidates for Simon Cowell to make fun of.

All this marxist brainwashing and all it has produced zero marxists, just shitty neo-liberals as far as the eye can see. www.theguardian.com/australia-ne...

No one has ever held a petrol pump like this before. No one thought to have a "how to act like a normal human being" briefing at some point?

Not being unpleasant all the time starting to feel like an act of mutiny, is probably a sign society is in a really good place, right?

It's just a jump to the left... www.theguardian.com/science/2025...

it's 16 deg here, tonight I spent a little time being cross that my arms were cold then I remembered I can just put a warmer shirt on that's how long this summer has been, I forgot how being cold works

Fun fact: in 1989 as a heartfelt tribute after the actresses passing, Kim Carnes used the royalties from her hit single to buy Bette Davis' actual eyes.

I haven't received any scam texts for weeks, have the mobile companies improved the filtering, or have I been ghosted by international criminal gangs now?

Sewer Fatberg going to be my new rap alias

Anyone know if the doomsday clock goes into overtime?

I typed the word "ducking", my phone autocorrected it to "fucking". and when I changed it back, it stormed out of the room shouting, "I don't understand what you want from me anymore"

Just going to post all my personal info somewhere, give the scammers and hackers 6 months being me, see if they can do a better job.

All of the people instagram recommends I follow are young women after an injury or illness, bravely taking their first steps, usually out of a wheelchair. I want to sit down and have a bit of a chat with the algorithm

Same people who said last year, "he's a mastermind genius who could've have played in the NBA", are now, "he's a bit of a goof who gets excited and can't control his hands".

Meanwhile, twitter is arguing whether an egg gaffa taped to a piece of string on the end of a stick, is evidence of the existence of aliens. Modern life is rubbish.

Requiem for a haunted cabbage

There was cloud cover, I wanted to see if the moon was visible on this side of the planet atm, so I googled "is the moon currently visible in Australia" Apparently midday is considered nighttime here now.

Person in front of me using self service checkout like someone who has never seen one before, or ever used a computer, or left the house, or handled an object. Empires have risen and fallen in less time than it takes some people to weigh a cabbage. People defuse bombs with less care and attention .

Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me?

I believe they made Wilson float away in the storm in Castaway, so the third act of the film wasn't the main character introducing his friends and loved ones to a volleyball

While your confession is much appreciated, and we will take into account your claims of self defence, I'm afraid we cannot eliminate you from our inquiries into the shooting of the Deputy, in fact if anything, your recent disclosures have pushed you higher up the list of suspects.

If one of your cars explodes, and peoples first assumption is that it probably just exploded, you may have a quality control problems.

Do any of those fancy electronic toilets do a yearly summary like spotify? Because if not, I may have an idea for an app...

"All the pyromaniacs I invited to my party are burning my house down!"

www.theguardian.com/technology/2... Chatgpt can be manipulated by hidden text, you know, just like the early search engines were 20+ years ago. Hooray for innovation.

Buying a book with a "signed by the author" sticker on it. Leaving the sticker on a copy of the bible.

So in January I was feeling really energised, positive, and optimistic, and as this year finishes I have to say, I was wrong. So very very wrong. Better than 2020 in some ways, but so much worse in so many others. 1 out of 5, would not go again.

www.theguardian.com/global-devel... Dude is part of a tribe that has had no contact with outside world, and now there's pictures of his butt on the internet. We're living in the future.

The opening credits of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where the moose related comments start popping up and gradually take over, is what using Google search feels like now.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqri... I stumbled upon a video of Bill Hicks on "Hey Hey it's Saturday", All kinds of wrong. Like seeing a Panther in a petting zoo.

I kind of tune in and out of the news, did we ever find out who let the dogs out?

Dude who earns more in one day than whole generations of your family combined, takes a blowtorch to society because he doesn't believe government has a role to play in people's lives unless it directly and solely benefits him.

It's going to be maddening over the next 4 years watching all the MAGA supporters, one by one, have their "hang on, wait what?" moments the first time they get screwed over by the people they voted for.

If you ever get invited to a gender reveal party, it's not what it sounds like. Keep your pants on.

is the full official title, "Head Grifter", "Grifter in Chief"... "Secretary of Grift"?

My latest cartoon for @newscientist.bsky.social

November simultaneously seemed to last forever *and* be over incredibly fast.

Surely Jim Abrahams can't be dead? www.theguardian.com/film/2024/no...

Oh no! If Isaac Newton gets cancelled, how will the world work without gravity!?! www.theguardian.com/science/2024...

Frenzal Rhomb, Big Gig, UQ, 2001, The light hit just as I took the shot, blew the colours out. Pre digital - E-6 transparency film

Belle and Sebastian, Tivoli, August 2024

Outside my window yesterday morning

In an echo chamber, you're not exposed to alternative points of view, a bit different from wanting to hang out somewhere fascists aren't shouting at everyone

Ok, so this feels like turning up to a party at the start time it says on the invite, but not only are you the first to arrive, but the hosts haven't changed yet and are astonished to see you.