Look at this gorgeous edition of Frankenstein I checked out from the library for shocktober!!! 🫀

Had the kind of sexually charged meeting at work today where 4 men stayed silent while this hot gen x lady engineering manager and I talked out an ongoing problem and then she made a love boat reference and now I’m about to watch love boat to have an excuse to talk to her 🥵 🚤 🤤 💦

So glad @nakednews.com is asking the important questions - specifically about body swaps and which celeb you would do it with. My first answer was Niecy Nash, but realized I’d love to be a dude for a short time, so probably Colin Farrell.

Went to standard deviant for a pint of their delicious brown ale and found out it’s a Ravens bar - one Baltimore fan told me he’s been there 11 times in the past decade to watch games and they’ve lost every time. Right after he said that, the curse kicked in and they blew a 17 point lead. #cawcaw

Finally learned how to write a consistently good uppercase E, I can’t believe it took me this long

Some personal news: my next door neighbor is learning to play the drums. 💀

I made some friends today

Lurie allowing Waymo/Uber onto Market while cutting Muni service for 240,000 daily riders is despicable, and keeps anyone without tons of wealth out of downtown. We will not let the Mayor and his corporate buddies create an SF for the wealthy only. Sign the petition. Direct action coming soon.

Nobody pees on the toilet seat in campground bathrooms because nobody camping is prissy enough to need to hover

Just finding out that they used to tape pages of the newspaper to the wall for men to read at the urinal??? Bring back print media!

This is why I travel with a white noise machine

The padres are rocking this pink/aqua uniform and it’s so much better than their classic brown/yellow, that I referred to as poop&pee to a fan and they agreed the new colors are an upgrade

His parents gave him the closest possible name to the band and I love them for that

The padres ballpark should be named for godaddy.com not petco #godads

I’m going to be a can of corn for Halloween 🌽⚾️

This woman working at the Padres ballpark pronounced salsa SAL(rhymes with pal)-sa, that’s insane for a person who lives in San Diego

Went to a ska wedding and skanked so hard my underpants fell off

Either the Mütter museum of medical oddities or the Museum of Broken Relationships

Okay, so since they are swiftly becoming a thing of the past: MENUseum

Sincerely hope this is viral marketing for season 2 of Universal Basic Guys 🌭🍻

Okay I can solve this issue in three easy steps: 1. Be interesting! Have interests and be excited about sharing them. 2. Listen actively! Ask questions, ask follow up questions, and call back to things your person has said over time. 3. Give good head! If this is hard, ask questions and keep trying.

I like a bald man in a mesh baseball cap, because he’s not hiding anything and you get to see the outline of that sweet bald head

“I accidentally got in line for a methadone clinic because I thought it was the line for voodoo donuts in Portland” OH at stern grove

Rest in Piss Hulk Hogan, obviously, but he were still the easiest Halloween costume I ever threw together and won a costume contest for

Monday challenge: post the least flatter photo you have of your pet

I’ve discovered a new Cheap Thrill and it’s walking under a low hanging tree branch and letting its leaves lightly brush the top of my head, like being pet by a tree

Yesterday I asked the checkout guy at Whole Foods if they sell the Chronicle and he gave me a blank stare for ten seconds before responding “broccoli??”

Teaching my sf girlies how to get loud at a country concert: “it’s like a yee, but you add a haw to it!”

Why do they call it a John and not a lustomer?

No, that’s a balaclava. A bodega is a small white whale that lives mainly in the Arctic.

I did this and it was the right thing to do 🃏 🤯

Hard agree - I sign my name with large lowercase e because of this, upper case E is trash

It’s giving popculturereferences.com/the-american...

Camilo Doval omg what a babe

Obviously that dude is insane, but one time I did hook up with a girl whose moan was so sexy I’ve been imitating it ever since

Bestie just dropped off a rainbow bouquet to my bi ass to say happy pride 🌈 💖

Pornify a classic: The Italian Hand Job Legally Boned

What do you call the point of connection between shaft and balls? Like, the opposite of taint

Dreamt the Kool Aid Man had a girlfriend and she was a sexy Swedish meatball wearing overalls made out of an IKEA shopping bag

Malört has an aftertaste of cigarette butts in orange juice, and I take a shot every time I go to the Bar on Dolores

@motherofbeanz.bsky.social okay but did you ask Puig about why he licks the bat?? (I love it so much)

Anyway, go see the cowboy carter tour, Beyoncé is phenomenal 🤠

Beyoncé’s vocal ability is on an athletic level, I want act iii to be operatic just to see what vocal gymnastics she’s capable of

Goood Frickin’ Chicken is mine, still get sad about its closing approximately twice a month

A film that takes place where you’re from

List five famous people you’ve met, but ONE is a lie: Ron Jeremy Ruth Asawa Jeff Goldblum Robin Williams Ari Shaffir

I got a new wig, hence Samandra got a new outfit

Last time I read a Kristen Arnett book I couldn’t stop talking about it and then named my apartment mannequin after one of the characters - everybody say Hi Samandra 👋. Can’t wait to find out what comes outta this one! 🤡

This is fake, but one of my predictions for this year was that teslas will become cop cars