Eavesdropping on my 60+ year old coworkers complaining about how the education system is failing kids these days because they can't read analog clocks. How are rotating those PDF files going, Meredith?

Me frustrated at work: "whatever idiot did this fucked up" Me the idiot who did that and fucked it up two weeks ago: "hmmm...whatever we'll figure this out later"

Every woman who compliments my hair just know I fell in love with you

When I say I can't read I don't mean I don't have the ability to understand the words on the page, I mean my brain won't read any more words after my focus "free trial period"

Can Mr. Beast buy JoAnn's fabric instead?

I must have that dog in me because I've been feeling pretty ruff

Your chicken strips my chicken exotically dances. We are not the same.

Just when you thought I couldn't get any cooler, I just unironically said "That's it! I'm making a spreadsheet >:("

Replacing "what the fuck are you talking about" at work to "sillllyyyy" and the serotonin is finally hitting #imjustagirl

Hoping her standards are lower than my credit score

As I get older my dreams have turned into social anxiety nightmares but it's transferred over to a waking nightmare because I don't know if I actually admitted to my brother that pokey from gumby was my first crush or if that was confined within the prison of sleep