The Chicago Genius Herald
@chicagogenius.bsky.social
📤 268
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📝 39
Extremely real Chicago-style news.
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New Years Rockin’ Eve Broadcasts From Chicago, Ball Drop Scheduled for 11PM CT Out of Habit
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New Years Rockin’ Eve Broadcasts from Chicago, Ball Drop Scheduled for 11PM CT Out of Habit
THE LOOP – New Years Eve, that awkward afterthought of a seasonal holiday, comes around the bend once more, this time sporting a distinctly midwestern feel. For the first time in history, “Dick
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4 days ago
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Delivery Robots Given Santa Hats, Instructed To Mow Down Anyone Lacking “Christmas Cheer”
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Delivery Robots Given Santa Hats, Instructed To Mow Down Anyone Lacking “Christmas Cheer”
RANCH TRIANGLE – Currently outnumbering poorly trained doodle-mixes on the sidewalks of the most affluent parts of Chicago are food-delivery robots. You’ve probably seen them speeding along Halsted,
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11 days ago
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Drunk Man Throws Open Window, Asks Passersby if He Missed TBOX
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Drunk Man Throws Open Window, Asks Passersby if He Missed TBOX
LAKEVIEW — The morning of the annual Twelve Bars of X-mas started dramatically for one local reveler when Evan “Scrooge” Skrougkowski, threw open the windows of his Lakeview apartment and drunkenly
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22 days ago
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OPINION: I’m a 12 Foot Skeleton That’s Been Left Out All Year — and NOW I’m Expected To Do My Job?! (Skelly Bonestein, Guest Columnist)
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2 months ago
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Chicago Genius Inside ICE: ICE Agent Once Again Eating Combos From Gas Station After Being Turned Away From Chicago Restaurants
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Chicago Genius Inside ICE: ICE Agent Once Again Eating Combos From Gas Station After Being Turned Away From Chicago Restaurants
BROADVIEW — For the past two weeks, some of Chicago Genius’ bravest 5’6” to 5’9” reporters have been embedded undercover within ICE patrols deployed across our city, to bring you stories from the
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3 months ago
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Chicago Genius Inside ICE: Several ICE Agents Lost, Wandering Aimlessly on Lower Lower Wacker for Days
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Chicago Genius Inside ICE: Several ICE Agents Lost, Wandering Aimlessly on Lower Lower Wacker for Days
LOWER LOWER WACKER — For the past two weeks, some of Chicago Genius’ bravest and reddest-necked reporters have been embedded undercover within ICE patrols deployed across our city, to bring you
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3 months ago
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Hidden Cove Is Closing and Yes – It’s Because You Sounded Pitchy on “Linger”
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Hidden Cove Is Closing and Yes – It’s Because You Sounded Pitchy on “Linger”
BUDLONG WOODS – “You know I’m such a fool for you…” can still be heard, flatly echoing off the empty walls of beloved Chicago karaoke hideaway, Hidden Cove. Neighbors were devastated to learn that
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4 months ago
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OPINION: I’m A Badboy Firefly and I’m Back With A Vengeance *(Lamp Ricky, Guest Columnist)
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OPINION: I’m A Badboy Firefly and I’m Back With A Vengeance
NORTH PARK – You’ve probably noticed that me and my boys are back in town. Glimpses of us seen through the trees may have reignited your childhood whimsy and appreciation for the small things in
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4 months ago
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Coolest New Rooftop Bar Is Just a Roof on Stilts
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Coolest New Rooftop Bar Is Just a Roof on Stilts
RIVER NORTH – Drinking while outside is key to setting our Chicago summers apart from the dreary rest of the year, when all there is to do is drink inside. Replacing the setting for the alcohol
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5 months ago
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Lucky CTA Rider First to Piss On New Red Line Station
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Lucky CTA Rider First to Piss On New Red Line Station
UPTOWN — Earlier this week Edgewater and Uptown residents celebrated the re-opening of four CTA Red Line stations that had been closed for renovations for nearly four years. The re-openings were
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5 months ago
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Jesse McCartney To Headline Pride Fest, It’s 2005 Again and ‘Queer’ Is Back To Being A Slur
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Jesse McCartney To Headline Pride Fest, It’s 2005 Again and ‘Queer’ Is Back To Being A Slur
NORTH HALSTED – Grab your skinny jeans and Uggs because the early 2000s are back with vengeance. “Queer” is a slur again and nature is healing! This year we Chicagoans are ringing in Pride Month with
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7 months ago
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“Hungry Hound” Steve Dolinsky Leaves NBC For Farm Upstate Where He Can Run Around, Review Restaurants
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“Hungry Hound” Steve Dolinsky Leaves NBC for Farm Upstate Where He Can Run Around, Review Restaurants
STREETERVILLE — Thursday’s NBC Chicago broadcast featured the final restaurant-focused segment by Steven Dolinsky, widely known across the Chicagoland area as “The Hungry Hound,” “The Food Guy” and
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7 months ago
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Report: Sentient Little Lending Libraries Rebel Against Diet of B-Minus Literature
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Report: Sentient Little Lending Libraries Rebel Against Diet of B-Minus Literature
EDGEWATER — The adorable box in your neighborhood, decorated like a house with pink paint and white trim, holds a horrible secret. The Chicago Genius Herald is receiving reports from neighborhoods
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8 months ago
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Chicago Violent Crime Down in All Categories But Social Media Comment Sections
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Chicago Violent Crime Down in All Categories But Social Media Comment Sections
CHICAGO — This week it was reported that violent crime is down in Chicago, in line with trends of declining crime nation-wide. The only category where violent crime remains historically high is in
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8 months ago
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Local Woman Discovers Existential Dread Minimizes Greatly When Drinking Beer on Patio
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8 months ago
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Mother’s Day Activities in Chicago That Your Mom Won’t Hate As Much As She Hates Your Apartment
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Mother’s Day Activities in Chicago That Your Mom Won’t Hate As Much As She Hates Your Apartment
CHICAGO – The biggest “Oh God That’s THIS Weekend?” holidays of the year is fast approaching. Don’t fret because we’ve got the low-down on the best way to spend this Mother’s Day Weekend in Chicago.
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8 months ago
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New Pope Stuns Conclave By Requesting Eucharist Chicago-Style
8 months ago
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State Street Bridge Closed for Upgrades, But You Can Probably Still Make it if You Really Hit the Gas
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State Street Bridge Closed for Upgrades, But You Can Probably Still Make it if You Really Hit the Gas
THE LOOP — On Monday the State Street Bridge was closed for repair work that will last until November or whenever they feel like opening it. While the repairs continue, drivers hoping to get downtown
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8 months ago
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Pro-Car, Anti-Car Factions Gather in Giddings Plaza for a Rumble
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8 months ago
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Easter and 4/20 Celebrated Simultaneously
9 months ago
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Sterling Bay Scales Back Lincoln Yards Project to One Patch of Grass
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Sterling Bay Scales Back Lincoln Yards Project to One Patch of Grass
LINCOLN PARK — Sterling Bay has announced yet another setback in the years-long project to build the proposed Lincoln Yards development in Chicago’s scenic former scrap-metal-and- disused-warehouse
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9 months ago
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Sun-Times, Chicago Genius Kut Staf, Promiss Same Qality Gournalism
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Sun-Times, Chicago Genius Kut Staf, Promiss Same Qality Gournalism
CHICAGO — The famous newspaper Chicago Sun-Times let go twenty percent of their staff. The Chicago Genius Herald bosses also got rid of pretty much everybody. Its just me now. Both papers want to let
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9 months ago
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Chicago’s 2024 St. Patrick's Day Parade Wraps Up Just in Time for 2025 Parade
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Chicago’s 2024 St. Patrick's Day Parade Wraps Up Just in Time for 2025 Parade
The smell of Guinness, the roar of the crowd. There’s nothing quite like the spectacle of Chicago on St Patrick’s Day. No matter the percentage of heritage in the blood, everyone in the Loop enjoying
https://thechicagogenius.com/st-patricks-day-chicago-holiday-downtown/chicago%E2%80%99s-2024-st-patricks-day-parade-wraps-just-time-2025
10 months ago
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Man Whose Entire Personality Is Based on Living in Logan Finds Out He Actually Lives in Avondale
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Man Whose Entire Personality Is Based on Living in Logan Finds Out He Actually Lives in Avondale
AVONDALE – One man’s life was ruined today in Chicago. Due to the newly drawn neighborhood map by sociologists at the University Of Chicago, Self-Proclaimed “Loganite” Spencer Hooper, 28, is having
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11 months ago
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Rod Blagojevich Celebrates Pardon by Robbing Corner Store
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Rod Blagojevich Celebrates Pardon by Robbing Corner Store
ALBANY PARK — After a surprise unconditional pardon by President Donald Trump for Rod “Blago” Blagojevich, the former Illinois Governor celebrated his newly clean slate by robbing a corner store.
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11 months ago
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Better Late Than Never: Chicago Man Starts Dry January on the 28th
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Better Late Than Never: Chicago Man Starts Dry January on the 28th
LOGAN SQUARE – To jumpstart the new year on a more health-conscious note, many Chicagoans have opted to dry-out this month. Despite the stereotype of our city being at a constant high ABV, plenty of
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11 months ago
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Chicago Restaurant Week Kicks Off With Lighting of Ceremonial Saganaki
11 months ago
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St. Anthony Hospital Already Reporting Longer ER Wait Times, "Ghost Doctors" Since Dorval Carter Appointed CEO
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12 months ago
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Christkindlmarket Adapts to Warm Fall With New Tropical Theme
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Christkindlmarket Adapts to Warm Fall With New Tropical Theme
DALEY PLAZA — With the holiday season fast approaching, Chicagoans are ready for the cozy delights of our yearly outdoor yuletide market, the Christkindlmarket. With the recent spate of warmer
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about 1 year ago
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Pitchfork Fest to be Replaced on Union Park Schedule with “Pitchfork Fest,” a Farming Supply Manufacturer Convention
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about 1 year ago
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Mayor Johnson Defends Choosing Pastor for RTA Position: “A Cleric is Important for Party Balance”
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about 1 year ago
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Measure Passes to Lower Chicago Speed Limit from 30 Over Posted Limit to 25 Over Posted Limit
#chicago
#speed
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about 1 year ago
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Candle Put in Hollowed-Out Thompson Center for Halloween
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about 1 year ago
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We Ran The Numbers, and Your Halloween Costume Already Misses The Mark Big Time
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about 1 year ago
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City Expands St Patty’s Dye To All of Lake Michigan
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almost 2 years ago
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Millennium Park Construction Explained: The Bean to Be Replaced With Pickleball Courts
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about 2 years ago
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How Come Everyone Wants to Talk About The Air and Water Show but Not My One Man Show At The Annoyance?
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over 2 years ago
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DJ Casper Memorialized With Dirge Tempo ‘Cha Cha Slide’
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over 2 years ago
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