"I just met this war criminal three minutes ago but if anything happens to him I'm going to kill everyone on this party barge and then myself."

"The chances of being on a party barge with Rasputin are slim but never zero."

Kid: MOM! I want Assassin's Creed! Mom: We have Assassin's Creed at home. The Assassin's Creed at home:

"10,000 people a day witness someone's throat being cut for the first time. He's one of today's lucky 10,000!"

"Even the clockwork servant is uncomfortable with this." "CRINGE DETECTED. EVACUATE AREA! BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP!"

"Mouth Breathing in the Bushes is my Bare Naked Ladies cover band."

"The power move of accepting a red solo cup of beer and just PUTTING IT INTO HIS POCKET."

"The Rogue is T posing on the prow of the ship, quietly reciting to himself the fiteen minute block of dialog around the I'm Flying scene from Titannic. He's doing the voices."

DM "This god is the reason the world has owlbears Rogue "and platypuses." Warlock "and chimera." Sorcerer "and gay republicans."

DM "Let's move on to the party barge portion of the day." Sorcerer "When it's time to party we will always PARTY BARGE!" Fighter "Ah yes the lyrics of Andrew Warlocké!"

"Let's go check out those rich people snorting their powdered wigs."

"That's not sportsmanship, that's trauma."

"In about 400 years this is gonna be a religion among space travellers. SCRITCHITARIANS."

"We weren't put here to conquer the galaxy. We were put here to travel into the galaxy giving head pats."

#HuesAndCues #boardGameNight

"You're good with your tongue." "You don't know the half of it." "Sure I do, I talk to you wife." "Oh then you REALLY don't know!"

"Ugh 15 shades of grimace." "I love that fanfic." "I could write that!" Simultaneously "Please don't." "Please do!"

"Everything has fluids. COLLECT THEM."

Bard: "Is this guy still gaseous?" Barbarian: "Yeah, you can't smell him?"

DM: "If you all quit it now, I will be merciful."

Artificer: "Well, that was unsettling. Oh well, time to loot the corpse!"

"It's concerning when the druid goes first." "She's all hopped up on goodberries."

Wizard: "The salmon would never work. They'd take one look at and think something was fishy."

"I'll fix your mother's hex page!"

"Another intern... to intern!"

Wizard: "Well, he's certainly a lyCANthrope and not a lyCAN'Tthrope."

"So now we roll on the random table to see which one of you he kills first..."

"When your interns have RGB lighting..."

"You got pulled over on a DUI and Mystra paid your bail, that's it."

"Bespoke Artisanal Folding Steel Chair."

NPC "What's your angle in all of this? Sorcerer drops invisibility "Our angle is always..." strikes pose and winks "ACUTE."

"We're both just sitting here chopping water."

"I'm getting beaten by a big man, I'm being beaten by an old man, I'm getting beaten by a wet man!" "This sounds like a Chumbawumba song."

"A ten foot cube of fire? That's a thiccc elemental! Spells with THREE Cs!"

"Is Australia venomous or poisonous?" "Both, actually."

"I GET THE UNICORN. NOBODY GET'S THE UNICORN BUT STRAHD."

Wizard: "STRAHD, YOU BIG FUCKING NERD. WHERE'S MY CLERIC?!"

"You're not the first to try to freeze me with your pants."

"Go for the eyes, Quillbert, the eyes!"

Cleric: "You've never seen a halfling cause this much trouble." Wizard: "...Yet."

"I don't cook the babies! I will eat the babies if they are there, but I don't cook them!"

"All who sleep in the armor have terrible dreams!"

"These monks have taken a vow of chastity, just like their ancestors before them."

"The ghosts of all your angsty drow ancestors."

"...Puny Strahd."

🎶 "There's no consent in Barovia, and the streets are made of sleaze!" 🎵

"I went to heaven and met all the good people I killed!"

"They made me their king!" "AGAIN?!"

DM: "No, that's enough! I have enough enrichment!" Wizard: "Oh no, now he's weapons grade!"

"It's only unhealthy when you're an Omega Level Mutant."