"It's disconcertingly mouth shaped."

Barbarian: "Does anybody wonder if the original creator of the purple worm was compensating for something?"

"We'll just sprinkle some Jameela Jamil on it."

Barbarian: "I put my fingers in the holes?" Wizard: "...Which ones?" Barbarian: "THE ONE'S IN ME" Wizard: "BUT WHICH HOLES?!

Wizard: "I AM COMPLETELY OUT OF SPELL SLOTS. THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE."

DM: "Tentacle tiiiime!" Barbarian: "I never wanted to hear those words."

"It's a very agile moss."

"The floor is not lava, the floor is demon."

"[Ranger] will get blown into the difficult terrain of the Rhino Skeleton."

"It's too late to be no-neverminded, you've already been minded."

"There wasn't a paladin in that hole when I came through!"

Artificer: "Hannibal Betsy: delete this man."

"Don't to anything I wouldn't do! ...Unless it's in self defense."

Artificer: "No such thing as a cool cop, but continue."

"I want a smile that comes off like a literary device."

"You thought the music was Pitbull, but now it's an Electric Six song!"

"You have a Pineapple of Theseus?"

"In college the fighter dated a girl for two weeks before finding out she was a shadow." "She kept trying to take him back to her place but she lived in this cave..." "And her room mate Plato drank nothing but Lacroix."

"On Insight 27 You can tell that the creature has a good credit score."

"Can I make an investigation roll to find the bank I need to talk to about buying the kobold's student debt."

"He's just drinking and contemplating the existence of his joints."

"The goose tooth necklace gives you an intimidation bonus to anyone how knows what they are."

"Two beers enter! One piss leaves!"

Corporate need you to tell the difference between these two pictures.

Barbarian: "It's not a party without fire!"

DM: "Grayhawk is the kind of setting where everybody WOULD drink an IPA." Artificer: "This *is* a terrible place."

Ranger: "THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU."

Ranger: "IF I DO NOT KILL YOU, I WILL BUY YOU A DRINK."

Artificer: "I've gone thesis defenses that hit harder than you!"

"Beat an assassin with another assassin!" "To fight an assassin, you must send another assassin after him... WITH BLUNT FORCE."

Barbarian: "Fuck you, Lemony Snicket! What a series of unfortunate events!"

Artificer: "Ah, allow me to introduce THE INDUCTION CANNON!" *maniacal laughter*

Barbarian: "My buckles come pre-swashed, thank you very much."

DM: "It feels like you're being stabbed with a dozen daggers instead." Barbarian: "Oh, okay! That's an improvement."

"I don't trust your flatbread."

"I've seen too much to believe that all pizza is valid."

"[Cleric] is the pope, so he can use the thaumaturgy spell to change the color of his glasses."

Wizard: "Can we turn off the additional suns?"

"Littering and... littering and... snorting the holy water."

"Exit north, pursued by bats."

DM: "Make a Constitution Saving Throw." Bard: "With advantage? Because I'm an alcoholic."

Artificer: "No! We aren't doing the P-Zombies thing again!"

Barbarian: "[Artificer]", you ruin all our fun." Artificer: "No, I ruin *some* of your fun, and enable *other* kinds of fun."

"That's not a cantrip... and suddenly it smells like a distillery in here!"

"You ever lady-and-the-tramped a swarm of geese?"

"You are covered in a dozen goose bites." "Mind you, goose bites can be pretty nasty." "He needs goose bites to live."

"The fighter is picking up peasants and throwing them into the basement like he's playing basketball."

"It's not that we have a feud with swarms of geese, it's that swarms of geese have a feud with everyone else."

"Give me a Sleight of Horn check."

"Electrum is the most secure currency!" "It doesn't get stolen because NOBODY WANTS IT!"