I’m sorry, but I just can’t keep up with all the dirty slang the kids come up with.

Anthropomorphism is a harsh mistress.

In the interest of full disclosure, the last time Apple introduced a new product with an optical drive was 2012.

The sunk-cost fallacy is ruining the world, but I guess we’ve committed to it now, so what you gonna do?

“Use AI to brainstorm but not to write.” “Use AI to help you outline but not to write.” These are commonly proposed as “ethical” ways for undergrad students to use AI, but I’m sorry, brainstorming & outlining are just as integral to writing as the actual construction of sentences.

Wait a year, invent the “6, 7” trend, and secure my rightful place as history’s greatest villain.

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there is no bad news. The bad news is that the only good news was that there was no bad news.

Not all that enthusiastic about the new direction that the Ocean’s 11 franchise is taking.

I went to see Bob Dylan in concert last night. Didn’t know until then you could get a Metamucil contact high.

“Wait, I was supposed to create an ACCOUNT to join?” -Bram Stoker trying to join a Facebook writer’s group

we all know I have no life, so:

30 years ago today, Principal Skinner purchased fast food to disguise as his own cooking at an unforgettable luncheon with Superintendent Chalmers. #TheSimpsons episode “22 Short Films About Springfield” first aired April 14, 1996.

Maybe presidents’ clemency powers are holdovers from an era of monarchs that have no place in modern democracy. What if, by amendment, we stripped the office of pardon powers, leaving only reprieve powers in death-penalty cases. Give the pardon to the Supreme Court (maybe with a 2/3 vote). Thoughts?

Snow White and the Five Dwarfs 72 Dalmatians The Caballero The Apple Dumpling Guy

Seems like a good day for this.

Smart move for the president to attend today’s Supreme Court arguments in person. As a teacher, I can attest that nothing wins you over like seeing someone struggling to stay awake while you talk. Truly a masterstroke.

For all its faults, I’ll give the iPhone this: it genuinely does understand my priorities.

Okay, but to me, he’ll always be Norman Keyes of Vigilance Insurance from “Remington Steele.” www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie...

Seems like an appropriate day to start reading this. 🍀

Animals of the 100 Acre Wood must take care of this problem, and I will help - A LOT! I will coordinate so things go quickly, smoothly, & well. This should’ve always been a team effort, and now it will be - It’ll bring the Wood together toward Hunny, Security, and Everlasting Peace! WINNIE T. POOH

In animated and CG movies, sometimes the generic cars are almost realistic, but not quite identifiable as any particular model, and it’s off-putting. This is what they call the uncamry valley.

Hanlon’s Razor is getting a real field test these days.

I am a, shall we say, husky guy with very low flexibility, UNTIL I’m in the front seat during a rainstorm and I’m sure there’s an umbrella in the back somewhere. Then suddenly I’m like John McClane snaking through those AC ducts until I find it.

Congratulations to Zack Snyder for becoming the latest KFC franchisee!

Would people be so enthusiastic about most of the “AI” they use if we just called it “Word Predictor” instead?

Still no sign. I knew I shouldn’t have called Godot’s Emergency Plumbing.

The answer to a bonus question was “Elmer Fudd.” A student wrote “off-brand Popeye” and I’m really tempted to count it.

Someone’s trying to stir up a fight in this Mississippi Barnes & Noble.

Same dimensions! Ain’t nature grand?

Posting bad Groundhog Day jokes is peek comedy.

What’s your least favorite online cliché and why is it this one?

Woke up this morning to find that not only is it going to be chilly again, but apparently the Soviets are up to their old tricks.

These kids brought home first place and third place, which, all in all, isn’t bad. A bunch of know-it-alls in the best possible sense of the term.

Tell your pet’s name in a gif

Tell your pet’s name in a gif

Oscar noms are out and once again Shatner gets done dirty.

Taco Wednesday?

Or, for an extra $100,000, he won’t.

GUYS I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY!

Good morning for screaming at the radio.

Inside of you are two wolves. Our patented Wolf Removal System™ doesn’t promise overnight results, but, if used according to directions, can lead to a marked decrease in wolf infestation. The average user sees their interior wolf population reduced to as little as 1.3 wolves within the first year

Under the Seasonal Popular Annoying Music International Treaty (SPAMIT) the top three holiday songs from each decade would be limited to a worldwide total of 250,000 hours of broadcast hours per month. Please urge the Senate to ratify this vital agreement.

I believe you know my thoughts on telepathy.

The least realistic part of “Night at the Museum” isn’t the exhibits coming to life, it’s the fact that Carla Gugino’s character has been working on a dissertation for four years and still has visible enthusiasm about the subject.

I have two identical pairs of brown pants, but I definitely have a favorite, in case you’re wondering how middle age is going.

VPN-less Bluesky is back for my state (well, for old dudes like me)!

The police suspected me of imitating a raven, but they weren’t sure and didn’t feel they could arrest me without probable caws.

We all had a nerdy friend named Gary who tried one year to get people to call him “Viper,” right?

“What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every banana stand, organ-grinder’s residence, circus tent, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is Dr. Gigglebritches. Go get him."