Trying really hard not to be found yet, deep down, wanting to be found. In trying to hide from others, I lose myself.

Feeling undeserving is such a huge part of many people's eating disorders, including but not only feeling undeserving of food. It doesn't help when those who are supposed to care make them feel unworthy of that care.

After the initial pain of rejection, it can feel liberating to no longer have to please the liars and cheats who pretended to care.

The paradox of self-control: you try so hard to have control that you end up out of control.

“Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing.” - Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

Too many ideas to write down and too little brain space to store them safely ➡️ MIND OVERLOAD

Please share this very important participant call for South Asians (18+, UK-based) with lived or living experience of eating difficulties, and family members, friends, or caregivers. The research aims to amplify voices too often unheard and improve culturally sensitive support.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it." - Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

"So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back"

Not everything framed as ‘harm reduction’ actually reduces harm. We should be careful about presenting starvation/overexercise as harm reduction, as everybody has different physical requirements, and what may be less harmful for one person can be extremely harmful for another.

The encouragement – explicit and implicit – of disordered eating by people in authority and celebrities makes me so angry because they are manufacturing progressive 'new normals' that make recovery from eating disorders increasingly difficult.

Healing doesn't mean losing or forgetting the part of you that suffered. Sometimes that part of you becomes the source of your strength.

"The body-positivity movement was touted as the solution... Until, that is, semaglutide turned up, and some of the most public faces of body positivity... swiftly jumped ship and can now be found talking about their 'weight-loss journeys'." - Hadley Freeman

Acting strong for everyone else is really tiring.

I love and hate my imagination.

I love and hate my imagination.

Need to get away, to start again, to find somewhere safe and protected.

“In order to find the patient, we must first look for the patient in ourselves.” Christopher Bollas

An incarcerated mind is like a prison without walls, but no one sees that you’re trapped inside.

"I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited." Sylvia Plath

I wrote this lived experience article to highlight why experiential knowledge must be valued in eating disorder care. I ask professionals to “be our therapeutic allies while we put our faith in you.” Please read and share if this matters to you also: link.springer.com/article/10.1...

I wrote this article because I’ve seen what happens when lived experiences are ignored, and why it matters so much that they are listened to. Please share it to help those voices be heard. link.springer.com/article/10.1...

I see so many people trying to help others while they harm themselves. In my experience, the best way to help others is to help yourself first, and the best way to be compassionate to others is to be compassionate to yourself first

"Compassion, Hope, Empathy, Appreciation, and Patience are not expensive... Humanity is arguably the most important yet affordable resource... providers can afford to provide CHEAP care if they care enough..." Please read and share to raise awareness: link.springer.com/article/10.1...

I am still waiting for responses to 48 email requests made since 2024 for research articles that are not open access. Collectively, they would cost £1000s to purchase unless I were affiliated with an institution, in which case they would be free. This is not epistemic justice.

I'm not suggesting that there is a binary between scientific evidence and humanity, but let's not forget that every individual is unique.

Professionals love the term 'evidence-based', but what about 'humanity-based'?

Trying to find my way to somewhere or nowhere.

I miss seeing people happy. I miss seeing people eat normally. What has the world become. I have been reflecting a lot on the past, and the good memories are more painful than the bad memories.

Forced weight gain is not recovery.

It's difficult not to hate what the world is becoming.

Brutal honesty is sometimes needed, I think.

Memories of being connected to the world, or what the world was, are so very painful. It feels like being left behind. Everyone moves on. Everyone forgets. Loyalty doesn't exist except in words.

Depleted of words, yet full of thoughts. Where are they supposed to go?

Bone and muscle weigh more than fat, yet weight-loss drugs are advertised as 'fat jabs' / 'skinny jabs'. They are bone-loss jabs, height-loss jabs (as osteoporosis causes height loss), muscle-loss jabs, brain-loss jabs (as starvation causes brain atrophy), and much more...

It frightens me how many people on weight-loss drugs will end up with osteoporosis.

I wish it were possible to retire from daily living activities but not die.

I usually hide away in my shell like a tortoise, but it hurts when people ignore me on the brief occasions when I do come out. I've also noticed that people no longer encourage me out of my shell like they used to when I was young. Everyone moves on easily. Loyalty doesn't exist.

I both hate and love when my mind is racing.

Where is the loyalty.

My greatest fears about anorexia are long-term brain shrinkage and broken bones when I am older. Anorexia isn't just about weight loss and organ failure. It's about brain loss and bone loss and so much more.

“‘Obesity prevention’ can also be a pernicious form of ED promotion… Children are being nudged into disordered eating when they need to be prevented from developing disordered eating.” Please read and share the full article: link.springer.com/article/10.1...

I looked at some precious photos taken in the early 2000s, back in the Kodak camera days, before smartphones infected humanity. Painfully beautiful memories. I would die to live in that world.

I want to live in a forest. It would be less lonely than living in a town/city that is too scary to step into on my own.

'Quality improvement' of the NHS should be renamed to 'firefighting'.

I hate when my thoughts are rushing and I don't have enough time to write them down. I can't afford to lose them.

“Eating disorder (ED) sufferers are not to blame for their EDs, and they are not any less deserving of treatment resources than people with other illnesses.” Please read and share the full article: link.springer.com/article/10.1...

Thoughts are my most precious possessions.

Dear doctor, I’m afraid some truths are unprovable.

I have worked really hard on this comprehensive article, which makes recommendations for improving eating disorder care based on my lived experiences and peer research. Please read and help me share the link so that professionals/policymakers take action: link.springer.com/article/10.1...