If you work for ice please understand that your kids will laugh at a character based on you dying in an action movie before the end of the decade. They’ll be in movies for really little kids. Like Phineas and Ferb shit. There will be an action figure of you with a detachable head

JOSH ALLEN DELENDA EST. ETERNAL GLORY TO THE DENVER JDPONCOS KKKANSASS CITY ABLAZE.

People are so fucking annoying on this site holy shit

(Smugly) “you really thought your elected representatives and the checks and balances of the constitution would save you from a despot?” I mean yeah, kinda

I found out Bari Weiss and the lady that dressed up as Hillary Clinton and sang hallelujah on snl used to date and I’ve decided to lobotomize myself

I just be making little dudes in the Mii Maker and cracking myself up

This weekend 👇

Just remembered no work Monday shout out black people

I was making beats on my Nintendo ds while on the potty at work and I gave myself a headache because the bass wasn’t mixed right and it blew my earbuds up

person with bipolar disorder and IBS who charts their mental state on a quadrant of: Manic/Diarrhea Depressive/Constipation Manic/Constipation Depressive/Diarrhea

I hate to get all Vatican II but i have come to the point in my life where i find it impossible not to find Christ imminently and mysteriously between the words of the Heart and Lotus sutras

Tom Homan being like “please town down the rhetoric” immediately before explicitly threatening more bloodshed if we don’t is without a doubt the best summation of Republican domestic policy I’ve seen

*sprinkles you with fairy dust and gives you testicular torsion*

I think you should get to call one person the f slur once per year with no repercussions provided that person is JD Vance

What is it called when you can only focus when listening to the same song on repeat over and over and why does this happen

They should invent a strain of weed that is fun to do and doesn’t make you feel like you are in imminent danger of dying

SHLORP SHLORP SHLORP SHLORP

Telling my wife about the cool Wikipedia page I just read

If Hegseth is any indication they are in fact just like the real crusaders in that they are very good at wiping out middle eastern Christian populations

I very much need to sleep with a CPAP machine but I’m afraid of giving my wife the ick

james cameron every few years

If you saw this and thought to yourself “man it’s weird that someone would try to argue that some people’s humanity is mutable” and got broadly Israeli vibes from said sentiment you will never fucking guess what a Google search will reveal

I have no idea what this prose “style” would be called but I think it might be the most annoying way someone can talk.

In El Salvador rn and the DHS is running ads down here telling people not to come

I’m going to hand this one to Ross in advance, independent of my own sympathies, by sheer merit of his not being on the Epstein client list.

Capitalism is obviously the best system because it allows both the employer and employee to make informed decisions about their labor unless some loser decides that you are permanently unemployable for leaving a bad job

Boromir, Macklemore, the Terminator. No one is ever so far gone as to be beyond redemption

Finding out JG Wentworth is a predatory we-give-you-cash-now-you-pay-us-later scam was like a knife to the gut. Worse than Santa.

In Burton-upon-Trent they call me little Billy bollocks…

Tea of the day today is Taiping Hou Kui “Monkey King.” Special treat today because I’m feeling down. Last session with this batch. Fruity and floral with earthy notes. Equal favorite of mine, neck and neck with spring Bi Luo Chun

Sometimes it will come up in conversation that my best friend is a trans woman and that I knew her before she transitioned and one of the most frequent questions is “how was that for you” and I have sincerely no idea how to answer because literally nothing happened to me the whole time

setting up a parlay on Kalshi whether I can nut to my AI girlfriend before my shit goes soft and winning enough to buy a new frame for my Adolf Hitler portrait and new altar to Satan

For a measly $2.50 a month you too could subscribe for global FM radio access and be listening to 84.5 M-Wave Easy Listening out of Maebashi City, Japan

I’m sure the economy shrinking or “recessing” has nothing to do with the economic figures they won’t release and everything to do with the fact that they are kidnapping the poor

Yeah for sure but also why is there a dog

I like System of a Down because they are Armenian but hate System of a Down because they make dogass music. Quite the rub.

Folks, friends, I hate doing this but it’s tight around here these days and if you’re in the Christmas spirit and have some coins to spare a very broke seminarian, any bit helps! @Talique-Taylor (Venmo) $TaliqueRTaylor (cashapp)

I think that it should cost $2,900 to rent a 2 bedroom apartment and that health insurance companies should be allowed to undiagnose you if they feel like you’ll probably be fine

I think an important lesson for Dems to learn from this is to swing right on immigration

“If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas” Nuts? Idk kinda sounds like your Christmas sucks man

My putting my dick into a cigarette lighter for the second time: I just didn’t have enough time to prepare and strategize the first time around

There’s this game for the playdate “Armada” which is basically Vampire Survivors x Space Invaders and I am completely obsessed with it

It rules that the NFT weenies have switched to artificially inflating the value of my childhood hobby, pokemon cards. Just paid for Christmas for my kids with a couple pieces of cardboard

I’m from the future from just after #it happens and I’m here to tell you that the conservative opinion is to never ever ever make light of someone’s death because

It’s very funny that in order to obtain employment in the US you need to memorize the correct sequence of corporate speak so interviews feel less like a review of one’s qualifications and more like a goblin forcing you to answer his riddles three

Lfg

Mussolini: Son of the Century is very, very good

Let’s play: Guess That Ambassador!