The lion is feeling a deep sense of guilt at having taken Friday afternoon off of work to go to the doctor

Call your girl Big Mac the way she give my mick Donald

The Sex Pistols if they got the robot man from the tube instead of Johnny Rotten for their lead singer: “Mind the bollocks”

I was trying to come up with a password for some random account and I was going to make it the lyrics to one of my favorite sea shanties, “Pump Shanty,” but realized I had just typed out “Pumpmeb0ys!”

We gave Violet a Jar Jar Binks toy and she immediately took him to her kitchen to be boiled

In the astronomically unlikely event that i become a saint I’d like everyone to melt down the microplastics from my body into a gundam, give half the gunpla parts to the Catholic Church and half the gunpla to the Orthodox so that only upon reunion can they have the full 1st class gundam relic

You can completely avoid being accused of reading performatively by the simple act of looking like shit all the time

First zyn of the day

Sending Jojo Siwa to a conversion camp to make her a lesbian again

I’d rather be pissed off… then pissed on

Golden Lilly black tea and a knock off Red Bull after lunch

I miss him so much

Merry Libmas to all, and to all a good night

Good. But it's time for canonical penalties for collaborationists. Vance is a Catholic. Homan is a Catholic. Rubio is a Catholic. Leavitt is a Catholic. They all have bishops and who have a responsibility they must exercise on pain of damnation if they shirk it. Or perhaps Leo has to do it himself.

How do you get other dudes to understand that this means she was not interested to begin with

I will say it is very nice to be able to post normally without 5000 frog accounts threatening to kill and rape my family

@pontevedrian.bsky.social you are the John Crowley respecter right?

The best part of fall occurs during the month of November. Best month by miles

where are my thanksgiving enjoyers

Gm

>it’s illegal to be kind

I really want to read Pynchon but the idea of some zoomer shithead calling me performative on the metro is pissing me off in advance of anything actually even happening

Eternal jihad against the Kansas City chiefs. Lifelong fatwa against Taylor SSwift and Travis KKKelce. Total JDProncos Dominance MASHALLAH

Don’t remember if I’ve posted it here yet

I think I’m ready to be wokescolded regularly again I think Xitter is actively rotting my soul

Hey does anyone have any advice for escaping samsara

This line is the key to understanding today’s gospel imo

Miscalculated the depth of flood water award

Sending Jojo Siwa to a conversion camp to make her a lesbian again

*Focusing my chakras until the microplastics fly out of my brain and balls and hit you in the head like airsoft pellets*

Why the fuck is there an entire baby shark expanded universe

Walking into the dispensary and asking if they sell mids

Toddlers with Snapchat filters is the funniest thing in the world to me

Going to try to be here more often because about 9/10ths of the reasons I was on Twitter are now exclusively on this app

Figma balls

A little rw coded take ig but why the fuck do we let teenagers drive cars

My cousin told me he got his PMP and I didn’t know what that was so without thinking I said “big pimpin” what the fuck is wrong with me

If you left the other site because of Hitlerization I am here to tell you that you probably severely *under*estimated the degree to which that is happening over there lol

I love reading serious stories about guys who believe AGI is real, it feels like a bunch of millionaires plotting to find and capture Santa Claus

Had to delete from the other site since I remembered nuns and stuff follow me there

Elena is super into Phineas and Ferb and I wish Perry the Platypus had a longer musical theme because I’ve had “Dooby dooby doowop, P E R R Y” playing on constant loop in my head

Got quoted $1450 per month per child for TWO DAY A WEEK childcare lmao

I was already so stoked for season 2 of the playdate but they appear to have also added… a public access television broadcast application lol

Elena has discovered the joys of Big Stick

My post colonial analysis of Star Wars interspecies relations is wasted on my irl friends 😡

MUSK DM’D TIFFANY FONG ASKING IF HE COULD IMPREGNATE HER AND SHE SAID NO SO NOW TWITTER IS DELETING DMs HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Illegal ideas

Whenever the ballerina song comes on TV Violet just assumes this position and stays completely static