My house is the only place that actually exists, everywhere else is a psyop

George Bush Hemorrhagic Fever

Sometimes I hear explosions in my neighbor's basement, but I'm pretty sure he's got a vendetta against Amazon so I'll probably be fine

Got so much rizz the eye doctor diagnosed me with asigmatism

Whiteboy stinks

The best thing about writing SCP stuff is that they'll never find the bodies

What if the Beatles were orange

Jesus was probably like one of the top ten party animals in Rome.

dumbcon is evil, wth is law and order anywayyyyy

The HOA, city zoning board, stonemasons, and illuminati are conspiring to stop me from making the world's biggest grill.

It should be illegal for anyone to say mean things about me

Ugh, my stupid chud son is begging for food again. It’s only been two weeks since the last time I let him forage.

Jimi Hendrix* *cool as hell

Hubris only affects all those other guys from the past, building a giant makeshift tower to store my dynamite in my back yard is not hubris.

“My balls itch” take them off

This dumbass in a pointy mask just told me the village’s well was tainted with the plague, motherfucker my humors are balanced as fuck I’m drinking the damn water.

I was visiting grandfather in the hospital for his birthday, and my stupid chud cousin screamed so loud when he found out that he was turning 67 that it made him have a heart attack. He isn‘t invited to the funeral.

Samsa males when

What If you were cold