Gonna be a harder rhyme to separate the good Rev. Michael Woolf and the bad Michael Woolf

Sir, this is a pierogi stand

"please don't tell people how I live"

And they say black cats aren't photogenic

The key to making it big in this world is having a consistent routine. 7am Wake up & have a high fibre breakfast 8am Do some light exercise 9am Email your convicted paedophile friend to discuss crimes 10am Coffee

Bob took this selfie

Hi I'm the new writer for the Bond franchise. My main concerns in life are 1. The amount of bear shit in the woods 2. Continuity

After this you should be able to count the number of release errors on one hand. So well under 8.

Do lorry drivers who overtake other lorries know how much everyone else hate them?

Wonder why the President would need a big sign reminding which room he's entering.

I can't see anything going hilariously wrong with this and would highly advise him to do it

Dick Cheney was alive?

Remember remember The 2nd of November Because we've got plans on the 5th and these fireworks aren't going to watch themselves

but at least we're not calling him Prince Andrew anymore

I'm sorry to say I've now got "the room where I shit" going round my head to the tune of the road where you live

How do I get a job where being fired means I get a mansion in Norfolk and still get paid.

Moving slowly up from cancelling things before they're released to having one season before they're abruptly cancelled.

Car hire place couldn't really have picked a funnier car to go to my dad's funeral

My name is Pagliacci, Clown of Clowns. Look on my works, ye doctors; I despair.

Was absent mindedly watching the Alan Titchmarsh show in the gym the other day and it ended with a promise of a "rare" John Major interview which is probably rare not for the reasons they want you to think.

“A tiger, an elephant, a giraffe…”

When you order the ashes off Temu

Did not expect Van de Ven to be doing the heavy lifting in my fantasy team this week

Start small, keep a log

I've got "Stairs leading up to no clear landing" going round my head in Dion Dublin's voice

Hey look, the guy who spent Trump's first term being his weird reply guy has opinions about what normal people think

The really British solution to this is to fix it but host parliament in a portakabin in parliament square for an indefinite number of years

Things that have made me cry about Dad this week - going to the local dump he really liked - Jen making a joke about drinking bovril and it reminding me of drinking bovril at Hereford matches with him - Creating a really good spreadsheet I know he'd have been genuinely excited to hear about

The 7th Avatar will focus on the N'avi who've evolved to build and live exclusively in strip malls

Quick question, I've had this tattoo for 7 years, is it some sort of fish?

Grimly funny that the one thing you can expect with anything to do with SEND provision is it won't be delivered on time www.theguardian.com/education/20...

Why is Instagram giving me adverts for Instagram whilst I'm on Instagram

Are you sure they won't give me the cold shoulder?

"huh, I wonder what this tattoo I've got is of?" - Platner for 20 years apparently

Legia Warsaw banned from Villa Park due to violence Frankfurt fans are banned from the Napoli game in a few weeks due to violence Away fans are banned at every Old Firm game due to violence. Barcelona banned from travelling for one game due to racism. All in the last 2 years. #AVFC

A terrible idea and a terrible article. Saying the "local authority" conduct EHC assessments is technically true but this makes it seem like some random council worker, not qualified speech & language therapists, occupational health therapists & educational psychologists archive.is/2025.10.19-1...

Louvre heist leader: "...and that's when you lower yourself down from the vents..." Reginald "ladders" Johnson: "wait a minute guys, hear me out..."

As ever, fascinated by the 8% just waiting to see how all this plays out

The cricket club renamed their main award after Dad and that's just got me again.

Saw a car bumper sticker of a French flag adorned with the words "Baguette Bashers" and I can't work out if : a) they like the french b) they hate the french c) it's a sex thing

"Slow down Commissioner, what do you mean they've stolen the Louvre?"

Ange lasted 40 days or 0.8 Truss' in modern parlance.

Once they appoint their next manager Forest will have accounted for 13.6% of all managers who've been in the Premier League this season

Brb just googling the Heysel disaster

Have they tried turning the brightness up on their computer? Then not only would outlook look brighter but so would word, excel & PowerPoint