found out his shoe size is smaller than mine….he’s gotta be bb girl now 😭

I don’t think you can have prostate Cancer….aren’t you like literally a Leo?

I think my silverware is trans because where the fuck are my forks going and why do I have so many fucking spoons???

the calling me baby to calling me mommy pipeline should be studied

bff: fuck that guy he’s an asshole me: oh i will bff: bitch NO

only an older sister can come into my house that i bought and pay the bills for and tell me to clean MY ROOM…bitch i will drop your ass at the closest motel 6

last new years i spent under my table stuffing myself with grapes. this year i think ill spend it on top of my table getting stuffed instead.

it makes me sad that some of y’all only get gifts from a strange old man once a year…can’t relate

since someone asked, this is Jake From State Farm. he’s a rat bastard who owes me money and regularly commits grand larceny. i would die for him.

1. aww thanks 💚 i do! i have my cat “jake from state farm” and my pitbull “zeus” 2. am i a fucking joke to you (pls say yes) 3. come forward so i can kiss you on the mouth coward!! 4. is this my therapist? Beth i know it’s you! answer my emails!!!

for the people who use their teeth to scrape the food off the fork into their mouth, how do you hide all the bodies?

teehee. pay me. jk i’ve been curing erectile dysfunction for years as part of my court mandated community service.

you telling me the fat man in the red suit only cums ONCE A YEAR???

giving the most heinous ungodly world ending brain under the mistletoe this year to one lucky winner

haha made you cum

if i buy new boots and your immediate response isn’t to lay down and beg for me to crush your windpipe get tf out of my face

i’m bored. let’s play.

all i want for christmas is you…to choke me

this little kid ripped ass next to me. i’m allowed to fuck his dad and tear his family apart right?

it’s national emo day. let a MGK mf show you his soundcloud music and blow your back out. think of it as charity 🖤 #emo #emoday #imlikemothertheresa #butforbackshots #promosky

neither my mom nor my sister answered when i called to scream/cry about rangoongate 2024… now i have to kms to teach them a lesson

crush: yeah i have this cool figurine in my room on— me: your desk right? the goku one? crush: wait how do you know that… me: huh? crush:… me:…

feel like shit, didn’t want to leave the house. went to panda because i was craving cream cheese rangoons. drove there only for them to tell me they were SOLD OUT?!?? how do you RUN OUT?!?!! this would never have happened if i were a white woman in america 😔

Ms. Lovato really said: don’t tell your mother 🤫 kiss one another 😘 👹 DIE FOR EACH OTHER 👹

babe, i’m going to hold your dick when i say this…

babe i swear i just wanted a lock of your hair for something totally non occult and not at all obsessive….promise

if you are an of creator FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS UNHOLY WASH YOUR FUCKING FEET BEFORE YOU FILM 😭….sorry for yelling that was uncalled for

fuuuuck i know a drunk cigarette HATE to see me coming

im like if a girl were a razor scooter to the ankle

im not doom scrolling enough. where my new moots at? #promosky 𖤐 shitposting/memes 𖤐 lgbtqia+ 𖤐 alt/goth/emo 𖤐 bikers 𖤐 kink 𖤐 ravers 𖤐 horror 𖤐 tattoos/piercings 𖤐 sick nasty freaks 𖤐 doug dimmadome (owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome) 𖤐 people with little will to live 𖤐 people on no-fly lists

live, laugh, lobotomize me

babe, just let me wrap it in a warm buttered tortilla one time. babe, POR FAVORRRR

genuinely good person: “i really like you” me: ew why?

another morning of existing…when does this shit END i can’t

call me chris angel mind freak the way i’m making that dick disappear as soon as you walk through the door

heavy is the ass that claps while walking (my ass)

gets the death note writes my name and the date in the top right corner ryuk: bitch…. me: what…oh

let me put one of those wii remote wrist straps around it so i know it’s real

dating a himbo is crazy because what do you mean you locked yourself INSIDE of your car

you know what they say. what doesn’t kill me needs to TRY FUCKING HARDER holy fuck end me

eww you work?? that’s ghetto….wait i work….thats ghetto 😔

does the existence of Dom Perignon allude to the existence of a Sub Perignon?

he said he’s changed and wants to be the man i deserve. he also just got a new motorcycle and some more tattoos…

she said no because she just started her period not knowing i have a blood kink and an iron deficiency. i’m quite literally built for ts babe

sorry i brought my knives, but in my defense you did say we were introducing toys into the bedroom 🤷🏽‍♀️

how are YOU mad at ME for grabbing your ass and saying “i like my suitcase” like i’m not packing that thing on the regular???

sometimes i think about how life is a highway and…idk…i just want to ride it all night long

call you Winona the way you ride her

i’m only 5’7” but i want to be 6’3”. want to give me some inches?

let’s be honest with ourselves here. we both know I’M talking YOU through it.