Bought the new resident evil game but haven't progressed all weekend because I'm trying to figure out how to glitch into this restaurant to try the meatloaf

do you guys mind if I compile my shaders?

Can a white boy have a little Mac and Cheese

I think the worst thing that could possibly set in is panic

Excited to go do what my friend group does every month or so: try to play a couple of games of magic, one of them gets distracted cooking even though we tell him we don't need or want that, one of them gets too drunk and makes one game last 2 hours, everyone else goes home kind of annoyed

If I end up getting obliterated because of Operation Epic Fury

I am quite fond of the little angry birds pokemon they showed from the new game

Wagwan, my lord

Gonna see how keto bread performs in a panini press. Judging by how it performs as bread in general I'm going to assume it won't perform well at all

hey wgats going on

Long day at work. I deserve a burrito

I feel like I'm not maligned enough. I wish to be much maligned

I bet there are so many takes about Dropout doing a crossover with a cop show. I won't be reading any of them though

If you are ever put into a predicament, or a situation, simply shout "unhand me"

One of my dog's favorite things to do is use the bathroom on an incline. I think we could all take a page out of his book

Bluesky moderation automatically marking my posts with "wisdom beyond years"

Real ballers know

Sorry I missed your call. I was too busy making that paper.

Ouuuuugh fuck!!! My ailments aaaaaaagh

I have tried to completely divorce myself from posting shit like this but what an embarrassing tagline

You have contracted MILK ROT

I took a pre-work nap today and had a dream that Link from Rhett and Link had my personal phone number and he kept calling from different numbers to tell me my dad was a pussy

unlock the true secrets of aluminum

It's so fucked up when you go to sleep at the normal responsible time and you wake up tired. I did everything right

Leaving behind knickknacks and moving on to doodads

I just found out Nestle somehow owns the rights to my dog

I'm at the library looking up other libraries on the computer. This one fucking sucks.

Just saw an email from 8am asking me if I could take something to one of my company's clients. Uhhhh sorry sucka my dick it's the weekend

Shit I almost forgot about Show Your Nuts Saturday

Yolk of zuna

This time of the year sucks because places everywhere do things to emulate New Orleans, one of the worst cities they ever invented

Making some bullshit called Jonathan Cruncharello's® Johnny Crunch Cakes

Oh up MY nose? And with a rubber hose no less?! You mother fucker. Get over here you motherfucker

I haven't gotten in trouble for my tiktok comments in a while, time to use this toilet break wisely

Shit I almost forgot about Flash Your Nuts Friday

Hope everything's going well with you. I'm getting a burrito for dinner.

Putting some stuff in the microwave. I'll let you know how it goes

showing up in pajamas asking to do a test flight

Huge deal

If I had a slogan I think it would be "The Mud You Crave"

I got a new job recently, the job is I have to read every hate comment in social media and act like it was directed at me

I like to pretend I'm a military veteran but in plain clothes and I don't really bring up my time in the service. I call it pickpocketing valor

Kinda not ready to go home. This morning my dog was matching me band for band when it came to farting and I'm afraid of what my room is going to smell like after being gone all day

A good name for your created athlete in the next sports game you play would be Papa Memaw

It's really good for the Olympic people, I'm glad for all the athletes truly. But I must remind you that I also don't care

Hey just letting everyone know that today is the big circle-back day. Anything you've ever said you'll circle back on, you have to do that today 😥

Meet'N'Fuck Dighton, Kansas

Dog lying on my foot and is snoring so I'm afraid to shift at all in bed now. Trapped in a cell that I built

I'm thinking about updating my privacy policy. Just so everyone knows

Unfortunately I have fallen victim to algorithmic karma, I spent too much time watching vr chat cringe content and I'm being recommended a growing amount of sincere vr chat content