Thor developed a limp in the few hours I was away today but now he's sleeping on my arm. If you see this please say "goodnight Thor I hope your leg feels better" thanks

I'm dreaming of a Chinese Christmas

When I said I would be "yankin my shit until the cows come home" it was under duress

I haven't seen Piper in a few weeks. Here she is laying weird

Happy Sunday everybody, it's going to be another Cream Cheese Sunday. How much will you be consuming? My football team already won and I'm out of the fantasy playoffs in all my leagues so I might do what the pros call "full bricking it*

There's a mouse in me pantry. That's none of my business though

Brayleigh Christ

Are you or a loved one currently suffering from Skeleton Worry?

I have heard the song "The Man With The Bag" during my few times out this season than I have in my entire life. I was just in a store where they played three versions of it in a row. Why is this the one they've selected to push now

Opening a restaurant next year called DeFazio's Food Kitchen and the slogan will be "Where Dining Is Cuisine"

The Cha Cha Slide was designed to teach white people the four basic movement skills for survival: slide to the left, slide to the right, one hop this time, and everybody clap your hands

This is that Seahawks home game experience I was used to

Does anyone know how that waffle house employee who deflected the chair in that video years ago is doing. Well I hope

ahhhhh ouch... I fall and hurt my head. Lost youre chrustmas Preasant,

what an italian thing to say

Oh wow they said tomorrow I gotta do a shift in the Corridor of Endless Torment

The lady who takes my blood at my doctor is so nice. I always let her take a little extra for herself when I go

My doctor's office emailed and texted me 14 times in the last day telling me to get there 15 minutes before my appointment and when I did that I found out they go to lunch and lock the door during this time

They should make a kei truck that looks like a big american pickup truck. Just a small version

Men's favorite thing to do is fight a villain named Goblorax

I guess my only path to happiness now is to work for an app called Grenkle as a Progress Optimization Audit Specialist, where I do measurably nothing but it's enough to fuel me becoming an alcoholic in my mid 30s

I'm the one person of everyone I know who managed to turn living with family members again in their adult life into a financial burden

Merriest tidings upon ye. My dick fell off

Netflix should give me some sort of gift card for getting through the first episode of the new stranger things

I knew this was going to happen. Why are the Seahawks letting this happen

I finished it and I think my overall feeling is I hope they are given the opportunity to make another one, and much sooner, so they can either iterate and improve on the weird choices they took in this game or just try again. It's still fun but I think all the major complaints are definitely valid

While you were so busy pissing, I was shitting. I'm two steps ahead kid

Move over, Fleshlight! There's a new thing you can fuck in town

It must suck to have an annoying laugh. I wouldn't know what that's like. My laugh is normal and charming

If we don't use this return to Lorwyn and Strixhaven as an excuse to have Veil Curse-freed Garruk confront the reformed Liliana then we must find Mark Rosewater and put him in the stockades. I know he doesn't do the story really but he must suffer regardless

As I near the end of it I am greatly struggling with how disappointing Metroid Prime 4 is. At its best it's a game where you get to do some stuff that reminds you of Metroid Prime. At its worst it's annoying and kind of pointless

Shit, this is the first ever Christmas Eve where it's been foggy. This is the only time this has ever happened god damn it. If only I had some sort of fucked up weirdo that everyone hates who could help guide my sleigh

when teh bacon is lowkey epic.......

I was just told I can watch anime on the plane TV now.... Disgusting

There is a very nice German(I assume) lady in my row on this flight watching Frasier and having an absolutely wonderful time

A guy in a squatted pickup truck just threw a lunchables box out of their window on the highway

Harold Longass

I am so honored to receive a nomination for White Boy of the Year. I know I have a very tough competition with my fellow nominees but I will do everything I can to prove my supporters right

Enjoying the new Fuck You Greaseburger at Big Fatso's Shit Shack

I am working to implement a version of the purge but all that happens is every numbered road has its speed limit changed to that number for the day

Steven Bigfriend

Ack! I'm being beheld!

It makes absolute sense business wise but the second Windows key on pre-packaged Windows system keyboards being replaced with a Copilot key makes me so mad

Shit they weren't lying when they named this area. The sky is pretty big out here

Introducing Sploinker 2.0

Do you think the guys who make all the graphics for Monday Night Football are rock hard while they're doing it. Do you think they have to take a quick break sometimes to get a dozen cranks in just so they can stay focused

I'm more into CIDER Monday 🤪🤑🤑 gimme all of that yucky looking juice ohhhh ew it looks nasty but it tastes so good

Shitting in the Delta Sky Club lounge in Minneapolis. Because you know what they say: "when your coworker is on the same flight as you and has a guest pass to the Delta Sky Club lounge, you must never turn down an opportunity to shit there"

She literally said 😛

I wish there was something equivalent to a Little Debbie Fudge Round that my dog could have. So we could enjoy them together