You misspelled “sense,” @apnews.com.

In an era that looked as if it might be defined by an American man of depraved cruelty, corruption & shame, what a magnificent thing the Catholic Church has done. The elevation of an American man of goodness, grace, humility, mercy & faith to the Throne of St. Peter is moving & momentous for us all.

One person, one vote. One Pope, one extremely over-thought, wine-fueled ballot. Democracy is wild.

The Vatican library has 1.1 million books and yet I still can’t find a single one that explains why pigeons walk like that.

If y’all can call me Pope Leo XIV with zero hesitation, you can call a trans person by their name. Unless your tongue only works when the hat is pointy and the robe is long. In which case… seek help, beloved.

The sacred right to speak one’s conscience must not perish beneath a crown of fear. Peaceful protest is not heresy—it is holy. 🕊️ I stand with mayors, students, judges, and all who refuse to bow to tyranny. ✊

War among nations is never holy. But trust that if it were, Trump would’ve bragged it was because of his “peace through strength” and not, say, actual diplomacy. Prayers for the people of Pakistan.

I see the "degenerate liberals" of Twitter are… enjoying joy, practicing free thought, and not tanking the global economy out of spite. Meanwhile, JD Vance is out here trying to smite brunch. Touch grass, my son. 🌿

The arrest of Mayor Baraka is a clear escalation by a Trump administration that is already out of control. We must al speak up NOW!

Free Ras Baraka.

“We’re not a sanctuary state.” Cool, and apparently not a humanity state either. ICE is out here playing bounty hunter, and you’re monitoring things? We need leaders who protect people—not ones who play oblivious while families are torn apart.

Amazing how the FBI didn’t need ski masks for mob bosses, but ICE needs them for mayors and clergy. Either Newark got a lot scarier, or someone’s conscience got a lot shakier.

Day two so far: accidentally blessed a cappuccino, tripped over the Swiss Guard’s halberd, and told a bishop “vibes are off.” Holiness is a journey.

Fair. But if anyone’s nana out there got the gumbo recipe that baptized me into flavor consciousness—I’m still pulling up with Tupperware.

Let’s just say the family cookout in New Orleans might slap harder than the Vatican menu.

May the Lord guide me, and may the algorithm be kind. I’ll try to keep both holy.

You honor popes by name. You honor trans folks the same way. It’s not hard—just blessed.

Day one complete. Zero miracles performed. Five Cardinals side-eyed. One squirrel sighting in Vatican Gardens.

Peace be upon Leon Trotskitty. May his reign be soft, slightly aloof, and free of heresy.

If you disrespect the deep dish, you’re getting excommunicated and Cubs tickets.

The MLA Pope still refuses to number footnotes. We do not speak.

This job came with robes, keys to a city-state, and 1.4 billion spiritual dependents. No pressure.

Technically I’m married to the Church, but we’re in an open relationship.

That smoke wasn’t even white—I just vaped too close to the chimney.

Kissing the ring is optional, but buying me a drink is not.

“Pope Leo XIV” felt right, but “Daddy Pontifex” was narrowly rejected.

Got a new hat, new name, and global responsibility. Classic Monday.

My homily today: God loves you, but stop being weird in my DMs.