I used to be so full of ideas and motivation to create and do stuff. Idk what happened. I can’t even draw a simple figure anymore because I can’t even think of a pose or situation to put them in

I made a few posts recently talking about how I wish people would engage me in my interests more and several people used it as a jumping off point to talk about themselves. Okay then, message received, no one wants to talk about my shit

I’m looking at old art and I think I’ve actually gotten worse over time idk what happened

Sometimes I think I might be genderfluid or bigender because in my head I will sometimes refer to myself with girl connotations but the second someone irl does that to me I feel physically ill so idk maybe not

Every day it becomes harder and harder to try and keep existing in this world. I never say anything about it idk why maybe I’m trying to forget about it. But that gets harder to do with each passing day. I fear for the future

Anyway…. I got OCs if anyone…. Wants to know more…..

This is probably karma. I went through so much of my life not engaging with other people enough and being too autistic to realize it. I course corrected eventually but it’s probably too late now

I wish I could be obsessed with something again. I feel like maybe if I had people to talk to about my interests I could get obsessed again but I don’t want to force people to have to engage with my stupid ideas and thoughts. I need to find people who have genuine interest but I don’t think I can

Maybe I’m too woke but I feel like leaning too far into nostalgia is a bad thing

this thing i made when i was getting into Gazoo is still funny

sometimes gazoo changes his proportions to more easily fuck me

relaxing

jorkin his peanitz

i can't stop thinking about gazoo

watches an episode with Gazoo in it and gets unbelievably horny because he’s so fucking good

Oh boy it's time for a #vgencode post Hiya! I'm Beary, illustrator and merch maker and I wanna join VGen for commission/business purposes! I've been taking commissions for over 9 years and would love to expand my horizons! 🐻🫶 | ❤️+🔁 appreciated! #vgen #bearyart vgen.co/bearyllovely

I was cranky this morning but I had some hot chocolate and now I feel better

Thinking about the many different people to tried to introduce to s/econd life, gave them the download like to the f/irestorm viewer, and they just immediately assumed I was attempting to get them to download a virus

I wake up after having the most realistic fucked up dreams imaginable and then am expected to go to work like nothing happened

Have you ever written an OC that you hate so so so much

I can’t post about my completely vanilla milquetoast kink on my personal nsfw because I will get a bad grade in sex think and people will laugh at me

Aaaaaaaah I’m so love sick for Gazoo this morning. I’m so lost in my little fantasy world

i think maybe people try to compare me to masculine looking cis men as a way to affirm my gender but that is so very obviously not the look i'm going for so i just end up feeling like i'm being called ugly

Cried in the bathroom at work this morning. I think I’m okay, nothing bad happened, I think just the stress of being new and not knowing how to do a damn thing is getting to me. It’ll pass

Not someone threatening to kill me just before I go to work so I can get good and paranoid and freaked out and fucked up before I have to face the public in that state

I really like trying new foods but also I rarely do it because 1) I don’t like wasting money on something I end up not liking and can’t finish and 2) I don’t want to buy something expensive or bad for me, end up liking it, because then I will want to keep buying it and eating it

i was thinking it'd be fun to put out a zine with a bunch of art of Gazoo interspersed with a fake interview that covers most of my headcanons of him

I started fucking around with game maker studio. I thought it might be fun to make a little game

Regular Gazoo: evil arrogant intellectual that everyone hates Jellystone Gazoo: same but also a huge pervert

I dont mesh well with contrarians because the idea of liking something everyone else does actually greatly appeals to me. I rejoice when part of me actually reads as normal and not weird because I have been viciously ostracized all my life for that

I wish it were easier to have conversations anywhere other than a discord voice chat. I feel like trying to have them over text anywhere these days is like pulling teeth

I really need people to talk to and have conversations with, I can tell my brain is craving the social interaction, but my anxiety has been so bad lately that I am just not interacting with people because I’m too scared to

I need like, a friend group that I talk to regularly, like every day. I feel like I’m more happy and motivated and can keep drawing and making things when I have that. But I just haven’t had the time to be on discord so much.

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing a really good job masking then something completely out of nowhere slams me in the face to remind me I will always be autistic and different and ostracized for it

Once on twxtter I posted some art and asked people not to rt and immediately like 5 people rt’d it. So I deleted the post and made a new one saying wtf why were you guys rting that. And someone replied “sorry I didn’t read the full post before rting” and I’m like HUH??????

i have a lot of hang ups with expressing love towards women because a variety of different people in my life have made it Weird for me to do so with their actions and reactions. it always felt like it came from a place of them subconsciously hating women.

wanting to openly lust over a woman character but also not wanting to come off as a misogynist

If someone prefers practical effects in movies, that’s fine. If someone would rather make their movie with practical effects, that’s fine. But I don’t like the idea that practical effects are an art to be held in the highest esteem while cgi is spat on. Like, thats art too.

The other week I made the realization that Gazoo is kinda the Zetoxian equivalent of e/lon m/usk. Except like, actually smart and actually invents things

meeting of the minds

I might move one of the TVs I have in the basement to the upstairs living room so I can hang out up there where there's more sun. I realize I kinda hate being down here in this artificial light for extended periods.

With hindsight I realize that my past job at the lab was actually not a very good job but GOD it was so fucking easy

i feel really weird when people try to push the idea of me being polyamorous with my self insert ships when it's pretty clear i don't want that and am not into that

I see what everyone charges for their commissions and worry that I’m undervaluing mine. But they don’t take me very long to do, and people have told me before that my prices were fair so I worry raising them would be too much

I keep thinking about all the tools and equipment I want to buy for making stuff with because I’m addicted to making stuff, but then thinking about how I don’t really need all of that. But like, do I need to justify a hobby? Is it not enough to invest in things that are fun for you?

god of light who also is also all light in the universe at once