happy earth day 🌎

was moving into a new place, reassembling a table, stood up too fast, and whacked my head on this dumb light fixture that the hung at shoulder level (size of a basket ball). Small bits of glass everywhere and a decent gash in my scalp 😵‍💫

the return of Sleevie Nicks

Feels like me & the AI Spotify DJ X go way back.

moving in together this weekend! 😍

two in the pink or something like that

hot frog & toad

Alicia is quickly becoming a favorite of mine…the casual mention of running over a lady with car and an avid doll collector. Excited to see more of the whimsy. #RHORI

subtle smiles with duckï

KATSEYE Just brought out the Kpop demon hunters singers!! Ejae, Audrey, and Rei Ami!! #Coachella #Livestream

sweaty betty

muppet (derogatory)

sprung

Reminded of the time I used überlube to silence some squeaky door hinges.

Portland Holi Festival

These monstrosities for $695?!!! The delusion

Nordstrom count your days. A knit t-shirt for $328.00? Gtfo.

tgif

“Master of the house, doling out the charm. Ready with a handshake and an open palm”

human pyramid base

watched “Big Trouble in Little China” for the first time and boy did we go on a campy adventure

Tri’s for the guys, Bi’s for the guys

honkers reporting for duty 🫡

Sasquatch but instead it’s Sacksquatch and he’s covered in hairy scrotums

not the worm pic you asked for, but it’s the worm pic you heathens deserve

When bubs is being naughty, I threaten to finish the jigsaw puzzle without him.

happy friday, lads

I would like a “distant friends” feature on stories. I want you to know you’re in my outer orbit.

1) Portland is lovely right now 2) I did 10 unbroken plyo push-ups with claps this morning. If 2017 Croc Top could see me now, he’d be so proud

My sleep paralysis demon is just the self-checkout saying “please place your YAMS in the bag”

survived another year of TurboTax without suffering a conniption!

2,000 yd swim

Watched Project Hail Mary last night and teared up at the geodude being so selfless. Some mixed reviews from the crew I went with, but overall I really enjoyed it.

I’m an empath. I pick the orphaned bananas that were separated from their bunch in the produce section.

two years ago when I went to a circuit party with a broken thumb

Wordle in 2 💁🏼‍♀️

we were the only ones who dressed in theme

Thought this was a thirst trap by @plantsanddaddy.bsky.social at first glance

pill size doesn’t matter

the side boob action on the end there

Sunny run in my fave hat

Internet lore - can’t remember if it was a vine or tweet or something else. But I think about it consistently… Trying to park in a crowded lot, think you’ve found a spot, but then pull up and “fucking Stuart Little” is parked there (Smart Car/Prius). Happens to me all the time 🤣

Confession: sometimes I “heart” the memes/reels you send me without opening them.

drip

What’s the weirdest food an airline has tried to serve you? Air Canada served us a pickled okra relish thing that nobody ate.

“get your f*cking ass up and work”

on a rock without my crocs 🙀

My boyfriend got pulled on stage 🤣 He’s so hot omg

Yoga flow classes be like: Sun Salutation 1: 4 moves Sun Salutation 2: 6 moves Flow: 26 moves on each side & just do your own thing when you forget the sequence

kinda feeling these disposable undies from the spa