let me tell you a bedtime storrie

readjustment

there’s a new thiccums at the gym and we’ve made eye contact twice 🚨🚨

a slip

Received validation from three older guys after my spin class. They were impressed with my wattage (displayed on the big screens at the front of the class). There are assigned spots upon booking the class, but there were only a few spots left. So I was front & center baby! 🚲🚲🚲

my neck, my back

There’s this ex-bodybuilder that works as a cashier at the Safeway by me. Huge, mesmerizing arms. Anyway, I went through his lane two years ago and he was aggressively sliding my produce to the bagging area. I was like, wtf gurl? I vowed never to go back to his lane again.

RUN + SWIM

What kind of snakes is Rob R trying to catch? 👀🐍 #Traitors

Pre-run warmup dance

tgif

Tooting my own horn… I’ve guessed the Wordle in 2 tries on Sun, Mon, and Fri 💅💅💅

I’ve nearly convinced James that the Hidden Valley is located in central Ohio. Hence, why Ohioans love ranch.

Do we know if the Pringles man has a body? Or is he just all head & stache?

face up, ass down (in church) (gay church, doing lat pull downs)

dry jan, but still making you wet or something like that

Am I allowed to call my scrotum the “ouch pouch”?

I didn’t know Bon Iver looks like that

Trying to incorporate “Great Googly Moogly” into my vernacular. Attempting at least once a day.

back in the SoHo house bathroom

The number one recipient of my weird insta memes

James is back & bought me a scrotum

kept the soap dispenser in frame so you can tell where I am

tuna flavored coffee creamer

Manifesting more of this in 2026

Somebody said they heard fireworks and assumed Erika Kirk was grieving nearby 🤣☠️.

Quote with your last gym selfie of 2025 All my normal thirst trap mirrors were compromised…so here is my post-gym selfie at home 🐸🐸

Avatar plot was people getting captured and then either escaping or getting rescued for 3 hours, then a big fight at the end. Rinse, repeat.

Chipper goal totals for 2026: Swim 50 miles Run 500 miles Bike 1,000 miles You in?

Learning about the history of Ms. paprika

💄

Last Monday of 2025! Reminder to “Dance in the Woods” more in 2026.

Wouldn’t hate another bicep thread. 💪🏼🧵

Saw #Anaconda last night, mostly because I didn’t want to sit through 3.5 hours of blue people. Didn’t expect it to be such a meta-comedy. Had several gags & jumpscares that caught me off-guard. I LOL’ed at the pig scene. Overall a fun watch!

gift from bubs 🪿

Dropping dumbbells on the floor indicate 1 of 3 things to me: • a knowledge deficit (increased risk of injury) • lifting too heavy to complete a safe dismount • peacocking (while it does gain attention, it’s usually not the kind you want) Respect the equipment & I’ll respect you.

Wasn’t so sure about the show in the beginning, but I have to say…they absolutely nailed these last two episodes. Thank you #HeatedRivalry We love love

Gay elf activities #barrys

Merry Christmas! May Santa give all the good boys something they’ve been craving.

It’s HIPAA, not HIPPA!

Finished this challenge in 23:17! 🎅🏽🎄

Are we watching the new Avatar? I haven’t seen much discourse yet.

When I become mayor, I’m banning personal stories and pop-up ads from online recipes.

Stay safe out there in the sheets

I’m…aroused by this animated David?!

I have a friend that always posts thirst traps doing this pose. This one’s for you, Bill

I practice my smize at least once per day

we’ll do one red & one green for the holidays

Once as a kid, I was riding in the back of my dad’s car & reached in a shoe box and pulled out a candy packet. It was dark out & I couldn’t see what it was, so I just went for it - tasted AWFUL Turns out it was a silica desiccator pack that said “throw away, DO NOT EAT”