[In the Tune of 'You Give Love a Bad Name' by Bon Jovi] THIS IS PAUL BLART OF MALL-COP FAME

Im like The Fonz and Jesus Combined, if they smoked weed and didnt pull.

In solidarity with today's ICE OUT OF MINNESOTA blackout, MinnMax is donating $1 to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota for every share of this Bluesky post for the next hour.

Its not that i Gotta be the Freakiest Looking Person Around. It just happens that i Very Often Am.

For a long time I have just repeated the knowledge of bread and circus in order to explain why Americans are fine with all this and now that I'm literally working at the circus to amuse these venal freaks it's really hitting harder.

If I had a Dollar every time a Stranger at a Nightclub asked me to explain what being Trans or Bisexual is like (i am neither), id have two dollars. Which isnt a Lot, but its weird that it happened Twice.

Forcefully Opening Your Third Eye, with Tooth and Nail, rather than Traditional Enlightenment, btw.

The Real Pain of Growing up and taking off your Rose Tinted Glasses, you realize that shit was never good. The world was always inches from tearing apart. We were just ignorant to it as children.

Ive been Accosted by angry, pitchfork-wielding Mobs of upwards of 20 People, simply for Roaming the Dimly Lit Streets at Night.

quick work

I'm not *just* a reply guy. I post too. It's just that my posts are generally terrible and get no traction. But that's not *my* fault

My first Act as Mayor of Slicetown will be to declare Tony The Tiger legally Dead. This will prevent further insurance fraud on his part.

Only One Thing ever Happened, and it Happened to Me: I stubbed my toe real bad, ouchies!

The Chorus of Ghoulish Moans and Wails that follow me about are *Not* indicative of the Content nor Quality of my character.

Unfortunately, a 7 i think

Brothers in Arms. Tonight we Take Over the Local 7/11 Parking Lot. This will be our promised Land. Our Kingdom.

I pretty much can only understand the world via surface level trappings and my favorite website is tvtropes. I once killed someone in a hit and run but in my defense I didn't know it was wrong then.

Every post I make is specifically subtweeting you and I and an army of underpaid staffers left over from the Hillary Clinton 2016 presidential campaign are taking notes about you to make sure every post you see on the discover feed makes you feel afraid.

"doxxing" was named after the first person doxed, Robert Dox, 4520 Jacobs Ave, Belview, MN

I know I'm in trouble when, as I'm teasing Kitty with something, she stops following it and just stares at me like 😾:"What makes you think this is a game?!?!" 🤭🤣💕😸💕

Gorillaz say FREE PALESTINE

noO

Drake high-key a bitch for this

Fun Fact: Tim Allen (Not to be confused with Tim Alien, the titular Alien from 'Alien'), is an alleged Human Actor Man and Possible Comedian.

The most majestic thing you will see on #bluesky today. 😇

fellas

@maffewgregg.bsky.social I Am The Table (Nordic Elite Wrestling event at Copenhell, a metal music Festival in Copenhagen)

😂

Me with the $0.25 in my account because i partied at a nightclub

the president wont see your cheap dunks against jeffery epstein . But your friends who have ties to state sponsored pedophilia will

Similarities between ICE & the Gestapo

Several Boulders have been Hurling Towards me from Local Hills, and IM the Only One who can Do Anything about It.

giving myself a gold star for this

Ask not where the tide will bring you, swim against the current. Lest you be washed ashore

Why does everything have to feel to excruciatingly difficult and unwieldy to me? Nothing feels easy or natural or effortless. I try so so hard and im still barely making through the day while drugged the fuck up on antidepressants and shit. Why cant i just have it medium-easy sometimes?!

I get that progress isnt linear, but fuck me. These crashes are brutal

LOADING SCREEN TIP: If you interact with a Stranger, they might give you a Quest. These are often tests of ingenuity and compassion. The Reward is in the Quest it self.

Blowing holes in your Broadside with effortless exhales. Just try to take the photo, youll see nothing but a gradient of radiance. Two thumbs in your chest, Jack! Shit'll knock your socks into trios. Aint mean nothing to me man

A strange child on the street once asked if i was a Super Hero.

The type of shit the Government doesnt want you to know about got me behaving Politely and Courteously.

Thats the difference between you and me. Youre DEI. im an SJW