Tktktktktktktktktk Tonight…on 60 Minutes… Just kidding, our reality is far too cruel for that story to run.

Dam. And I was having a good day.

Probably me in about an hour, talking about the Packers.

I’d describe the goon of these specific crabs to be “light jog”. Certainly nothing near “ran”.

every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie

Me: It has Mylanta in it, what’s that’s used for? Heartburn? Noah: *with full confidence* No that’s for period cramps. Me: ☠️😆 No honey you’re thinking of Midol

After reading the Redwall books, I have a literary criteria to which all books must be subjected. Are the depictions of rich cooking central to the plot? I call it the Beschamel Test.

This year I named our Christmas ham Hamwise Hamgee, and no one even called me on it. Has 2025 really taken so much of our soul?

Are you telling me this Johnson is somehow…Magical?

Rewatching New Girl from the beginning and I forgot how much I love Schmidt. And also hate him. And how he tells Jess to drop the LOTR references. 😆

Is this one word? Should it be hyphenated?

Pick a band and list your favorite 5 albums: End of Silence Innocence and Instinct Until We Have Faces Of Beauty and Rage Gone

How I'm entering 2026:

America’s Sweethearts is worth watching just to hear Hank Azaria say, with his terrible Spanish accent, “My penith is beeger than cointh!”

Earlier today, we played a game where you use a candy cane tied at your waist as a hook and fish for other candy canes. I told my in-laws “I’m a human candy CRANE”, and they didn’t immediately disown me.

Describe your Bluesky account in a single image

Celebrating Christmas Steve by watching Sahara with the in-laws. A little Steve Zahn for the evening.

You guys have to admit, after the year we’ve had, “Christmas Steve” is pretty hilarious.

After having a Christmas Day with my brother and his kiddos, we’re now headed to the in-laws for “Christmas 2: Tokyo Regift”.

My mom just announced on the family FaceTime that she’s 67 years old, and all the kids lost it.

The Trivagofication of our teeth.

@brentwaggoner.bsky.social someone unironically posted about a Pentatonix concert on my Insta. The first star of Christmas!!!

Thought “how would Marco Rubio wrap this gift?”

I’ve reached the part of Christmas where all the last minute tasks, work schedules, and repetitive Christmas music I’m hearing for the 649th time has congealed into one obsessive, anxiety-riddled ball of flaming brain screaming.

Me when I need a comfort crime procedural.

I want to share something with the world. My niece (4) draws people essentially as potatoes with legs. If you don’t recognize them, she looks at you like you’re stupid. It’s hilarious and wholesome and makes us love her all the more. She drew her mom here. When I see it, I say “INCONCEIVABLE”.

This is the final straw. Now I’m never watching 60 Minutes for the first time. I mean again.

Tribute band that’s better preserved than their source: Pickleback?

You all know the drill for the coming days, we’ve trained. These weird days between work and school being over and the year actually ending are under Airport Law. People can eat breakfast at 9pm, or pie with gin at 9am.

Krampus can gargle my

People are always moisturizing their skin like “It’s sooo dry”. No one ever says “Nah I’m already moist”.

Not Christmas Caroling. Gift rapping.

I’m better at wrapping gifts than Dani is. Does that make me a ✨true feminist✨?

Corporations, when asked to grow a spine and resist fascism:

Band name idea: Plastic Tree Surgeon

Specifically Jingle Bell Rock. I continue to be convinced there is no way any one song is good enough to take up such a huge percentage of a genre that is already played 1/12-2/12 of the year for no reason other than the month.

If you’ve ever been sitting on the toilet and accidentally gone live on social media, I see you. We all see you, actually. You should get up soon, you’re going to get hemorrhoids.

I want a Hallmark Movie that goes in reverse. A handsome Christmas tree farmer who’s never been outside his own county is forced to leave his dying town to try to revive his business from bankruptcy. In the nearby city, he meets a well-to-do (but Grinchy) business consultant.

To the guy LOUDLY mansplaining Hot Toddies to everyone at this market: 1) We have The Internet 2) We have read it before We know what a Hot Toddy is.

“Hi, yes we’re Ho Marketers. Welcome to the Ho Market! I am not for sale but we have paper wares to barter” Dani: it’s HoHo Holiday Market, Noah

Me and Dani putting on winter gear for another market today in the *checks phone* 25F degree wind chill?

It’s so obvious, guys. Vecna is an anagram of Caven. Because he’s cavin’ in the world.

I just got this from @danijustmight.bsky.social for our anniversary! Thanks from this amateur woodworker to the real pro, @jaimenotjaymee.bsky.social! www.instagram.com/threesprings...

I love this company. And also her business.

Unspoken east coast rule: you must choose one specific coastal island to be weirdly intense about. You should have stickers on your garage fridge, your car, and your cooler.

Watching “Wake Up, Dead Man” with Dani. Wow. Anyone who has ever been in the faith or is still, should see this movie. Finally, another Easter movie.

Come, Thou long expected Jesus Born to set Thy people free From our fears and sins release us Let us find our rest in Thee

Listen to Solomon. Read Ecclesiastes. But also, listen to this Solomon and read his thread.

We’re currently watching “Christmas Together” on Netflix with Freddie Printz Jr. It’s delightful but we’re basically also calling out the dialogue before it happens.

Rolling into the holidays like