If I was introducing someone to 1980s music, the first song I would pick is The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats and I’d also tell them it was the only song that came out in the entire 1980s.

If you drink every time someone says “Julian” in Less Than Zero, you’ll end up in the same place Julian does by the end of the movie.

I’m sorry if I got bored within milliseconds while reading your post about seeing Seven for the first time.

I looked for the vultures circling overhead, but they weren’t there. Turns out they were in the mailbox.

Friday night’s a great night for football! You can feel it in the air, like lightning on the edge of the night.

I require no further knowledge of any factoids about the making of Pulp Fiction.

Memorial Day is a weird thing in the U.S. of A.. We’re quick to acknowledge Vietnam Vets before WWII vets. But regardless of what we won or didn’t, the PTSD is the same. I just want for everyone who isn’t a vet to acknowledge this. Okay. Enjoy the holiday.

Still playin’ it safe, you guys.

Time to watch a movie in Chace Digital Stereo!

When choosing a pet, make sure it fits your personality: 1. Dogs are for people who like to get out. 2. Cats are for people who like to stay in. 3. Snakes are for weirdos. 4. Birds are for people with neurological disorders. 5. Chinchillas are for people who prefer their ludicrous cuteness in a

The evacuation for your area has been lifted. You may now resume normal activities.

Second evacuation order in two days. If I was James Woods, I’d be crying on CNN by now.

Sheltering at a friend’s while this is happening near our house. Had to leave work late morning after an evacuation order to go home and get the cats. We’re safe. Considering day drinking at this point.

I’m in the “It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears” part of the “a long time to get back here” thing. I guess.

Thanks for stopping by, Ogre.

Drinking like there’s no tomorrow isn’t a bad thing unless there is a tomorrow.

A good modern take on Blake Edward’s S.O.B. would be the old filmmaker dude believes his comeback will be a remake of Soul Man.

It’s really only a paywall that keeps me from taking part in the ushering in of The AI Armageddon.

What are your top ten numbers in one through ten? I’ll go first:

I’m back in most likely will be rewatching The Last Boy Scout territory again.

I really don’t see what you could possibly excise from Bugonia, but I still want it to be only ninety minutes.

I love my people, I really do. But I don’t mind being completely alone because it’s the only time I can freely pick my nose with utter abandon.

You can tell me a plane crashing into sharks movie is a bad plane crashing into sharks movie, but you gotta understand, it doesn’t matter at all.

Me to the Cosmos: Couldn’t I just once hit the lottery for a change? The Cosmos:

An upside of being a working class citizen is blackmailing me or holding me for ransom would be an utter waste of time and resources.

A lot of people ask me if I’m still being creative, and that’s why I’ve finally begun work on my book, “How To Make Sloppy Joes With Common Household Items,” in earnest (this time.)

So you’re telling me I gotta lug a big box of dead batteries over to the Home Depot and dump it into a specialized can all for this kind of vaguery? Being environmentally responsible sucks, man.

Same people who think American movies are too jingoistic watch professional American sports on the reg. Just interesting about Americans is all.

If I win the lottery this weekend, first thing I’m doing is going to Vegas to see Cyndi Lauper.

The Wolf Man is better than The Wolf Man but nothing stacks up to The Wolf Man.

Getting to be late April, and I’ve got all these jelly beans to eat before they go bad immediately on The First of May.

As an essentially powerless person, I have a great talent for upsetting people on social media. I will tell you my secret for $20.

Like the “Scary Movie” franchise, most “parody accounts” just ape what they purport to be parodying and neglect to add any actual jokes.

Now imagine all the other working class actors who can’t afford a PR firm to let everyone know they’ve been fucked.

My tombstone will probably read: “Here lies a man who was not afraid to die. But he was afraid of all the crazy dumb different ways you could die.”

First of all, the fact that all it tries to be is Crawl but dumber and with sharks instead of gators is what makes Thrash way better than the popular negative bullshit opinions about it. If you sat down expecting more from a 90-minute movie about sharks in a hurricane premiering on goddamn Netflix

Save me, whoever!

I wonder how many brownface comedy screenplays Rob Schneider has optioned and is sitting on right now.

Predators sound like emotionally broken cicadas. I will not be taking any questions at this time.

When Katie Hill was the victim of revenge porn that revealed she was involved in an ethically ambiguous “throuple,” she resigned immediately. She wasn’t accused of any kind of sex crime. Something to think about, I guess.

The time my kid and my dad commandeered Nikki Glaser’s set to have a talk show of their own is a top notch memorable moment for me.

One thing you need to do is pretend life is great so your friends don’t get worried.

You demonize yourself to the public eye in an ill-conceived act of violence under the auspices of defending your wife’s honor, and now you’re getting a divorce? Jesus, man. That sucks.

Everybody, apparently: “Blah blah pop culture thing blah blah. Any thoughts?” Me: “Just as many as you.”

If the movies have taught us anything, it’s that the cure for cancer will involve giant anacondas, sharks that swim backwards, and Sean Connery misplacing it somewhere in the jungle.

“Where did you learn to do this stuff?” “You, alright? I learned it by watching you!”

The SyFy Channel sequels to Anaconda are certainly the worst of the franchise, but at the same time are in no arguable way the worst of the SyFy Channel creature features. We live in a cruel, crazy beautiful world.

While Unstoppable is an incredibly entertaining picture, its claim to be “inspired by true events” strains credibility. Not only did the real life locomotive never reach the speeds suggested, but FOX News is presented as covering the breaking story and they never blame Biden for the runaway train.