twice a year the entire U.S. press becomes a marketing extension of a single billionaire-owned retailer, and nobody in any position of editorial power thinks it's weird or gross

maybe ice is just here to tell us about the best prime day deals

Well well well if it isnt the Blowjob Brothers and their Blowjob Dad

Hey babe you've hardly touched your AI enabled smart toothbrush Me: whenever I try to pair it to my jailbroken phone the bluetooth handshake keeps crashing the pre-alpha app Aww, let's watch something in our native language with subtitles turned on and nod along as we mouth the dialogue

my house? oh it’s the one with the dinosaur on the roof next to the construction site

meats

do they make It's So Over / We're So Back combo like 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner

Tylenol causes 5G

My thoughts on politics. From The Bible, Matthew 2:11 “What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets.”

honey how many caskets do we need from costco

but who are the mantis praying to

hey babe you barely touched your straw man argument me: i’m just trying to dismantle democracy due to our majority in the house and senate awwww come to bed we’ve got weeks old ozzy osbourne takes to read

hey did you watch the funeral with the QR code

Republican agenda: get trans people out of sports in the streets gooning to trans porn in the sheets

dog escaped his crate in the most looney tunes-ass way possible

his victims screaming

the tunic is just an uncommon (STR +2) but that quiver is a legendary i haven’t seen yet

just checked, all the canaries in the coal mine are juuuust fine an- I SAID DONT GO DOWN THERE I JUST CHECKED THEY ARE FINE www.vulture.com/article/abc-...

muted His name and my timeline went away

very exited for my new expensive iphone but very sad about the content it will provide me

anyone have any clever quips about the latest event dooming western democracy

tesla diner looking like real shit after being open for like a month or whatever

Genna’s nominated for an Emmy lfg

if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my worst is my only setting

starting a band called Jeans Hackman and we fuckin suuuuuck

rest in piss bozo (me to a guy who is totally alive)

hang it in the louvre

i discovered a time machine where you can meet resistance libs from 2016 it's called the discover tab on bluesky

we used to be the land of the overpriced m&m store now we fuckin’ suck

still shaken up but just hit a guy with my car that was a 9/11 hero who threw his life away supporting a rancid ghoul did anybody get his license plate

doordashing tampons with my 12-pack of miller lite so chris thinks there is a woman in my life who doesn't despise me

honey you've barely touched your vibe coding "I'm just bummed because he didn't die" aww, do you want to have sex on the original cracker barrel logo?

st*p censor*ng your*elf f*r th* alg*rithm a*d ju*t kill yourself

people in DC now clear to buy AR-15s (Avocado Ranch 15" subs)

yikes

i think the moment society passed the point of no return is when adult vitamins became gummies

as a dumb guy I think we should figure out how to desalinate water so we can drink the oceans and the rising sea levels won't destroy our homes wait is this how trumps brain works

Ukraine shouldn’t have worn that short skirt. It’s her fault. She was asking for it.

just read the frontrunner for 2028 dem presidency is a gently used Wii U sold at an Ohio GameStop $179 supports abortion but has stick drift

yeah I’m W.O.K.E. Went to the bathroom Oh no it still happening Knees numb and tingling Enough you foul demon

my roommate from college brags he listened to this disease back in the day

ozempic but for going online

it's a guy thing

Smoke Alarm Low Batty Chirp feat. Which Room is That Fucking Sound Coming From Do We Even Have Any 9-Volts