In the event I find myself serving my town, state or country, I’d like to acknowledge and ask for your forgiveness for the following. benalper.substack.com/p/action-ret...

No joke. Well, yes joke. Historical and hysterical humor. “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages” tinyurl.com/4mut42ve.

I love these signs, because it's always about me.

Commentors Weigh in on Declaration of Independence benalper.substack.com/p/commentors...

Ukraine asks if Trump will bring sh*t for brains to meet Zelensky. www.axios.com/2025/08/18/t...

A 75-year-old Chinese man asked his wife for a divorce after falling in love with an AI woman he met online. “What’s not to love about her,” he said. “She asks nothing of me other than my credit card number.”

CVS and Mass General Brigham Hospital want to offer adult primary care at MinuteClinics in CVS stores. It will be like going to a regular doctor’s office, if your doctor is locked up next to the deodorants and toothpaste

This also explains why he sued Stormy Daniels for not screaming, "I felt the Earth move!" apnews.com/article/trum...

Is this the beginning or the end?

The meeting concluded with 5 minutes of first stone casting. nondoc.com/2025/07/25/b...

Trump said the Epstein files were written “by Obama, Crooked Hillary, Comey, Brennan, and the Losers and Criminals of the Biden Administration.” And who should know better that someone convicted of buying a porn star's silence?

Washington Post: "Trump officials have directed staff at national parks to review all items in gift shops for anti-American content" -- except, of course, Wally, the lovable slave owner doll.

So are we to believe that Biden sneaked into AG Pam Bondi's office and stole the Epstein file off her desk? You still got it, Joe -- literally and figuratively! www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/3468114...

Tommy Tuberville is the only politician who proofs his speeches and posts with AI – Artificial Idiocy. www.al.com/politics/202...

Helpful tip: Never ask introverts to conga dance.

A really funny book about and for introverts. “More fun than avoiding eye contact at a party.” – “Thank You for Not Talking: A Laughable Look at Introverts” tinyurl.com/y6x5tp7y

Historical and hysterical humor – Before there was Carson, Letterman, Leno and Colbert, there was late-night caveman Grog. “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages” tinyurl.com/4mut42ve.

If it’s true Zohran Mamdani as a 9-year old was involved in 9/11 and plans to bring Sharia law to NYC, I think I can finally admit I control the world’s financial institutions and the entertainment industry.

To Nobel Prize nominating committee: Do you have a potty mouth award? www.usatoday.com/story/news/w...

Famous conversations in rock: "Blue Floyd." "No, Green Floyd." "How about Orange Floyd?" "No, let's stick with Pink Floyd."

Question: To maintain harmony at your party, whom do you dis-invite: Trump, Musk or Satan?

Patriot Stefon Diggs' party video looks like a P-Diddy freak off minus a quart of oil.

Apparently, Trumpers can find antisemitism everywhere except in the mirror. www.npr.org/2025/03/06/n...

Trump threatens 25% tariffs if iPhones are not U.S. made -- this from a man whose wives aren't made in the U.S.

Trump

Imagine since the beginning of time, late-night talk show hosts walked the earth while commenting on the day’s events. “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages” tinyurl.com/3krv7h36 #AncientHistory

The government wants to find out if Bruce was, in fact, Born in the U.S.A. www.thewrap.com/donald-trump...

When he heard about it, Trump named him a posthumous weekend Fox News host. www.usatoday.com/story/news/n...

Florida woman accused of attacking wife with cheesy nachos. That's the problem with munch and carry states. www.yahoo.com/news/florida...

The first time I went to a comedy club was years ago in Boston. It’s still the funniest night I ever experienced. I felt like I had discovered a new flavor or color.

White House says Boeing strikes "largest-ever" 787 jet order with Qatar Airways. Pretty soon, orders will start flying out the door, and doors will start flying off the planes.

"Come to the money, Donald. Come to the money, Donald. Come to the money, Donald."

On the plus side, the worm in his brain was wearing a mask and snorkel. www.washingtonian.com/2025/05/12/r...

I wonder how many Proud Boys have proud mothers?

How bad is it? People are now stowing away on seagulls. www.cnn.com/2025/05/10/b...

Watching from his home in suburban Chicago, one of the pope’s brothers, John Prevost said, “I was stunned.” But added, “I guess it’s time to go into his childhood bedroom and take down his Farrah Fawcett poster.”

To call Trump pure garbage is an insult to garbage. www.northjersey.com/story/news/2...

Give Us This Day Our Fries and Chicken Nuggets open.substack.com/pub/benalper...