Wanting fame and recognition is honestly such a cursed distraction from art. I’d like to be almost entirely rid of it, keeping only just enough to submit my stories to the harshest judges I know and see what they think. This period of being forgotten will be good for that.

Actually it’s not to the detriment of my sci-fi. There is a sci-fi trilogy I read once, and I think I need to learn this intersection of difficult fields in my PhD and actually live as a scientist to write a sci-fi story anywhere as good as that trilogy.

I still don't regret taking these classes this semester-- because I've taken them, I can now take stat mech and other even more advanced stuff I won't have to teach anything like this lab again, so if I manage to do well on the finals despite everything, the next set of classes will be doable too.

I know I write scifi well, and that I am (or was) a decent visual artist. So why do I put myself through so much stuff at the detriment of both of those things I am good at? difficult math classes, difficult research, difficult teaching responsibilities bc i want to figure out how the brain forms.

I looked to see if people are discussing my sci-fi on Reddit 😅 saw a nice comment someone made where they followed up w/ “I’ll read anything she writes next” read my backlog of stories too! Idk when I’ll produce scifi next. But I’ve written a bunch since 2019 mostly in @clarkesworldmagazine.com

When this semester ends I can reflect on how hard it was, but for these next 4 weeks I need to adopt the energy of that Blue Eye Samurai episode where she fights through the 9 level building. If I pause to realize how hard it is I’ll falter, so, just going to focus on the next 4 weeks.

Omg I’ll never have to teach an advanced wet lab class again! 🙏 you guys my research is on math and mammalian embryonic cortex not decapitating and microscoping flies 😭 Also my friends said they’re OK with me being MIA until the end of the semester ❤️

I think the PhD is more about how to bounce back from setbacks than about how to do things perfectly from start to finish. definitely had a setback the past week, it’s a tough semester, but I could wallow in despair or I could figure out how to move forward (after venting a bit lol) and do my best 🤷🏻‍♀️

If others are watching … idk, I still don’t regret taking harder classes. I want math skills and I wasn’t going to let a difficult TA assignment stop me from getting them. Going to try to ace my finals, idk if I will, but regardless ive learned a TON of math skills useful to my research.✌️

I can ace my finals, if I just practice enough. I am the same person who got over 100% in dynamical systems. Doing well on involved math problems while teaching this draining night class needs to be treated like swimming with weights on. I can do it man.

Actually, saying this out loud, this is a lot. I learned the fly brain dissections 2 days before I had to teach them but I taught the lab successfully. I got home after teaching 11pm the night before the exam. I solved a lot of the exam even tho I was exhausted & not my best cognitively. wasn’t easy

I want to be able to teach anything (even a random advanced wet lab unrelated to my research i enter w/ no skills for), produce tons of research, ace my super hard classes, maintain a rich social life & write scifi on the side. Maybe that person can make it as a professor. It’s not me right now 😢

Maybe I wouldn’t be able to handle being a professor. I’m sure there are other careers where ppl get to run their own research and mentor others but with less overwhelming demands. That might be better, idk if I like operating under being overwhelmed.

Things kinda suck rn but I’m going to take all the suckiness and put it into my sci-fi novel characters lives lol. It will fuel dimensionality of the characters, those guys are like sponges.

you know I’m not going to let this TA position get me down. can’t change it I can do well in my classes, do more research each week, & see my friends. I can find a better way to manage my time. I want to ace my final exams. If I manage my time well, I can. Honestly just need to treat this as a game

Franklin was probably the most accomplished crystallographer among them Franklin’s partner at King’s Maurice Wilkins did not like her (the feeling was mutual) and Wilkins was secretly feeding data to Watson & Crick Watson tried to goad Franklin into sharing more by negging her:

idk if anyone will know the serious feat it will have been to have simply made progress on my research, done *okay* in my classes/exams & have taught this late night wet lab class I had no prior experience in this semester. It’s one of the hardest sets of things I’ve ever done. Definitely my limit …

There is a serious difference in my cognitive ability on days after I teach this drosophila lab night class. I don’t think late night on-your-feet-for-hours, you’ll get home 11pm classes are great for doing math 😢

I mean, I will have a scientific paper soon, about a mathematical theory I have developed — that was just as fun to think about as scifi. I suppose my effort went to that instead of a novella this year. It also took a bunch of creativity, research, math And I am writing scifi, just extremely slow 🥲

Im thinking about this — some loss of status & ego death is good for us. I started grad school when my scifi career was kind of on the rise, was a finalist for a major award etc. 100% expecting “loss of status” as I get slower. But it recenters you to what matters, not the accolades, but the art.

Painting I made 7 years ago, before I went into neuroscience. Used a mix of watercolor and poster paints, hand painted on watercolor paper. Titled "Seaside House"

Omg the undergrads in the drosophila lab I teach saw me reading Helias & Dahmen, they asked about it and I ended up teaching them about moment generating functions. now they want me to teach them how to do a Gaussian integral (I’ll do that next week lol, they’ve got to do drosophila stuff not math)

man, sometimes I am like "why am I putting in all this effort learning about wild stuff like Legendre transforms and formatting SDEs s.t they have an action functional" then i go back to the introduction section of the textbook and I'm like, okay, yeah, back to dying bc of this weird, hard math ...

I am finally less “scrambling to catch up” in this math physics class lol. Fourier analysis, moment generating functions, wick’s theorem … finally 🙏

For better or for worse, this thought of “With enough dedication to my writing, I can do what my inspirations can, and I can also do other things they cannot” has really fueled not only my story writing but also part of why I want to learn so much. Don’t know if it’s good or bad but it is what it is

"Fractal Karma" and what I'm writing now are kind of my Thinking About Hinduism lol. My mom is Hindu, my grandparents were Hindu, they've told me a lot that I ignored growing up and in this kinda cringey "I am an atheist" phase I had, but I have been reflecting on what I actually believe recently.

Had some weird dreams recently. Had one where water was rising, a panther and an old man were talking. The panther said “in a next life, you will be panther, we will eat good meat together”. the old man said “in a next life, you will be man. we will drink whiskey together” then a giant wave hit them

The daylight did not need to be saved. Ugh, time to bring out the vitamin D gummies, a seriously meek weapon against the gloom of soon-to-be 3pm darkness.

I knew it would take less than a day for a tiktok dj to make something.

I haven’t painted/drawn in 5 years … miss it, but idk how to manage my time to fit it in. already struggling to fit in scifi and keep up my social life, & barely managing research, teaching, and coursework together. need to learn, since being overwhelmed is the cost of a career in academic research.

Colored pencil drawing I made in architecture school in 2017

I can pick anywhere?? Dude I would haunt Titan (which has hydrocarbon lakes) or fall into a black hole.

They are destroying what SHE built. #TeenVogue

Idk why as a species we have given ourselves the burden of so many forms and bureaucratic hellscapes. It's so torturous. I daydream about going off-grid for a bit, escaping from all of the forms. But I don't currently have all the survival skills I would need 🙁 I plan to gain them before I am 50.

Sorry for ignoring emails about science fiction stuff, I think I have several ones I havent responded to even from months ago. My non-BU email and my author email are a pile of unread stuff from various things that have been pushed aside ... (I dont know if I will check them anytime soon ... 🥲)

Yes I abstain. I need to learn material for real in order to do my PhD research. I also think a “good grade” given for empty work is a meaningless waste of precious time? I’d rather get okay grades & get things wrong, but actually get something meaningful out of it?

I know more science & math now than ever before & I’ll put it to use in my scifi even tho it annoys some ppl. If you like Poincaré maps youll enjoy my next novel. I’m also working through Gravitation bc I want to explore some cosmology in a storyline. And there is developmental biology & neuro stuff

If “Fractal Karma” was thinking about the concepts of karma and samsara, this novel I’m writing now is definitely about dharma.

Science still gives me hope, like it did when I wrote my earliest stories. I've lost a lot of faith in and hope for human nature/ what the story of our species will be in the years since I started writing -- but I still have hope in our desire to understand who we are, why we exist, what we exist in

idk why it’s still like this over there lol. Also part of why I’m stubbornly going to take graduate Stat Mech with this group next year lol (it’s also extremely relevant to my research interests this is not the sole reason)

I can't separate "doing science" motivation from "writing science fiction" motivation. I would be directionless without them. They are inseparable, the writing would not survive without the science. The science would be less wonderous without the science fiction. It really is a muse-art relationship

Thrilled to announce this French translation of my 2021 Hugo-longlisted novella “Submergence” originally in @clarkesworldmagazine.com! Honored to be translated by the renowned Jean-Daniel Brèque who has translated works by so many great authors, and to have this lovely cover art by Anouck Faure.

TBH tho, this is what I want to do. I've tried the messy & partying lifestyle in my early 20's, I've tried different fields entirely in the arts, I've worked as a movie set decorator, I've made a bunch of art & scifi ... this is what I want to do. Learn math so I can describe embryonic brains.

The things I do for the embryos, man. Lol. But it'll be worth it I think. This work I'm putting in, everything I'm learning. I want to be a good theorist.

Usually doesn't get to me but FOMO hits this weekend :( my friends are going to fun Halloween parties but I have to stay home & finish a problem set due tn and study for an exam I have Monday I did take on a lot this semester, be warned if you do the same your social life and hobbies do take a hit

Omg a student told me it’s been going fine and they’ve “had far more disorderly lab courses elsewhere”. maybe I feel like I’m doing worse at teaching than I actually am lol.

First neurons didn’t appear overnight. We trace their roots to ancient secretory cells - showing how lifestyle & behavior shaped the evolution of first synapses.🧠🌊 #Evolution #Neuroscience Our latest in @natrevneuro.nature.com Link: rdcu.be/eMX3E @jeffcolgren.bsky.social @msarscentre.bsky.social

Real advice for new sci-fi/fantasy writers: don’t put anyone on a pedestal, and don’t look down on yourself if you’re just starting out. The goal is *to create good art* not to win a popularity contest. It’s easy to lose sight of that in these spaces, hold onto the goal of art.

I think when the winter holidays hit, I'll look back on the year and be like wtf I did lowkey get kind of galaxy brained compared to 2024. In the thick of things right now though I am overall happy. Overwhelmed & tired, but happy. Once my quals are over in 7 months I'll be less overwhelmed too lol

Do flies feel pain? Spooky new preprint from our lab on the cells and circuits that mediate nociceptive behaviors in adult Drosophila, led by graduate student (and newly minted PhD!) @jonesjes.bsky.social. 🪰⚡👻🎃 www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1...