It’s getting harder and harder to find incandescent christmas lights. I need them to heat my greenhouse for the winter 🥺

The problem with buying new books is I have to pull them all out to keep them in order 😆 Thank goodness it’s just the paperback science fiction section 😬

I’m so glad I have pet insurance. My sweet baby kitty Sneaker was mauled and needed emergency surgery. It still wasn’t cheap ($800) but that’s a fraction of what it would have been if he wasn’t insured. He’s traumatized and in a lot of pain but he’s going to be okay. It’s been a rough day. 🫩

Today has been a mess but at least I’m getting some steps in 🤷‍♀️

You can wear a capsized boat as a hat.

At no point in time did I know where this was going 😂 😂

Okay… besides a firearm, do you have anything in your home specifically for dealing with intruders? I wanna see what you got because I was just told mine is weird.

I got so excited because I found these playing cards in a little library box and my brother’s response to my overjoyed and enthusiastic sharing was: “So you are autistic, I thought so.” While I doubt that’s a viable way to diagnose someone I appreciate his honesty 😆 Also these are cool as hell 🤩

What do you call a British prostitute that really enjoys her job? Cheery-Ho

Now for the hard part… waiting

Oof 😓 I just did a rough estimate of how much the Halloween decorations are going to cost me 😬 Even with making most of them myself it’s not cheap. Why do I do this? 🤦‍♀️ Oh yeah, I love terrifying children and exchanging sweet treats for bravery 😝

Going shopping for beef today, trying my hand at making pastrami. Anyone else done this, tips? I think I’m going to do oak and apple wood for the smoking. Also considering a cherry glaze for a crunchy bark, but I dunno.

I started going to raves in 1992 and while I don’t get to as many as I’d like anymore, I still love it. It’s really hard to explain to someone what’s it like to be surrounded by so much joy but I saw a couple pictures yesterday and thought “This. This is it.” So without further explanation…

I found a whip, a mask, and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom! I can't believe she's a superhero!

I’ve officially called TOD on one of my bonsai. A beautiful Serissa japonica that just didn’t make it. Part of learning bonsai is accepting that you won’t be able to save them all. You must learn, adapt, overcome. It’s a stressful hobby sometimes so I like to remind myself of this quote and move on

The worst part of gardening is under-boob sweat 😅

Hey did y’all hear the rapture is scheduled for Wednesday? I’m probably not invited so if there’s anything you need me to do while you’re gone let me know. (I’m probably gonna need your passwords 😉)

Oof 😥 Putting in the winter veggies in the raised beds and the humidity is kicking my ass. It’s weird how draining it is. Feels like running under water, every movement is so much more difficult than it should be. Bless the people who live in hot humid places, y’all are strong people.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you can put cucumbers from the store into your old pickle brine and they only take 2-5 days (depending on size and if you cut them) to completely pickle in the refrigerator. 1-2 weeks for peak intensity of flavor. You can add whatever herbs/spices you want too

When everyone in your family has listened to the Dungeon Crawler Carl audiobooks 😆

I laughed way to hard at this

I posted a short video on my onlyfans and every time I see/hear it, it makes me giggle. 🤭 Galactic Empire or Rebel Alliance?

Gods I miss being 20 something and not having to think about what I eat. 😝 Seriously, deciding what meals to eat EVERYDAY is exhausting enough now I have to think about how it will affect my health. I’m tired. I need to win the lottery and hire a personal chef 😆

What were they thinking?!

I found a rototiller for stupid-cheap and talked my landlady into letting me get rid of the grass lawn to put in clover instead. (I need more pollinators) I think I’ll do a couple different types of clover and create a design. Not a penis, probably.

Oh lort, I just had a where did I go wrong moment. Don’t you hate that?

Today has been crazy but I did make some smoked salmon avocado toast so obviously it wasn’t that bad. Also 3 is one too many.

As a little birthday treat for myself I’m going to go shopping! I need to pick up a bunch of supplies for my Halloween build. I don’t remember who suggested “ Hansel and Gretel” but that’s what I’m going to do. Spent last week figuring out how to make giant candles to decorate my house.

Everybody keeps asking me what my plans are for my birthday and I’m like “I’m gonna water my plants” 😆

Hahahaha this is so great!! I laughed so hard when I opened the package 😆 #DungeonCrawlerCarl #DonutHoles

🤣🤣🤣

Oh my goodness, is it finally happening?! LEGO Star Trek???

Yikes

Happy Star Trek Day @kylie-jordan.bsky.social

My doctor told me I needed to eat more fiber… obviously I made 3 bean chili with bulgar wheat and fiber dense vegetables. There is a small amount of leftover smoked carnitas in for flavor but I tried to get as much fat out as I could before adding it. I’m going to have excellent poo !!

I went to the store today and they’re already selling pumpkins. 🎃 If you carve one now it will be rotten by Halloween. That premature e-jack-o-lantern-ation.

This year my birthday week has a definite theme and I freaking love it!!! You’ll be calling me Pittmaster Kylie any day now! Also, who doesn’t like a good probe 😉

I love shaved ice so I took some peach and cherry juice from the last harvest and froze it into cubes. It’s like half shaved ice and half sorbet! Also this little machine is awesome! Perfect cold treat for a summer day! Healthy and naturally sweet. 10/10

Someone knows his way to my heart 😂 Thank you dear, I love it! It’s the meat bag of my dreams! Now i need to buy a brisket 😘 #BirthdayGiftsForGirlsWhoLikeHotMeat

So I love this dress but I can’t get the back drawstring to stay tied together 😂 😂 my 🍑 is just hanging out 🙀 Sorry, the phone is shaking, I took my pre-workout right after my coffee and I’m literally buzzing 😝

Here I was thinking I was going to have a relaxing and quiet birthday week but I broke my toe last night 😭

Ahhhhhhh!

Spoiler (from like 40 years ago) I’m watching Red Sonja and it’s not like the book. As usual the book is better. She’s still super hot though and I never tire of Arnold on a horse.

I want to say Happy Labor Day but with the state of things it doesn’t feel very celebratory. Kinda feels wrong to BBQ and relax while our government is actively working to destroy worker protections and disenfranchise unions. There’s a protest in my town today, maybe I’ll go have some BBQ down there

Ahhh!!!! Who did this?!! Who sent me there amazing items!!! OMG I’m so excited!! 🥳

Any guesses on what I made?

This months rent envelope. My landlady gets the biggest kick out of the dumb things I write on these envelopes, it’s adorable. Apparently everyone at her bank wants to see them too, which means I can never stop doing this lest I disappoint everyone 😅😅